Shall I give 2nd child ex last name

[Tiny542]

We have a toddler together who has his surname. He has always been a distant partner/father and he is even worse this time round with 2nd baby. He has no interest what so ever - left me when I was 25 weeks pregnant. He is quite narcissistic and is trying to worm his way out of child maintenance and playing victim even though he wanted it this way!!! He’s asked how “it” is twice… (it meaning baby - we don’t know gender but besides the point)

anyway I was going to give the baby his surname as I want it to be the same as our toddler… even though he doesn’t deserve it! What do you think? … it’s been 7 weeks and he clearly isn’t going to change or want his family back.

I can see why you would want to give his surname, personally I would not want children with different surnames as people will assume different fathers, people on here seem to think it’s easy to change a child’s surname courts never agree to fully change a child’s surname unless extreme abuse (towards the child) not just because the mums changed her mind or they’ve broken up!

my point was the child should at the very least have double barrelled and ideally just have hers

Personally I think double-barrelled names look pretentious and silly. Plus it's quite obviously an unsustainable method of child-naming as inevitably the next generation will drop multiple names and not give their own dc quadruple-barrelled names.

Obviously your opinion differs on this @roarrfeckingroar if you've chosen this path. But your view is a minority one (evidenced by the low number of people with double barrelled names) so presenting it as the 'standard' course of action is ridiculous.

That's because a woman's married name (if she has changed her name) matches the husbands (and even if she has not adopted his name, she could). So this scenario is still giving the baby the mother's name.

In your shoes, OP, I'd sound him out about changing the elder DC's surname to yours. If he agrees, then you and both your DC all have your name, which I think is the best outcome.

If he doesn't agree, then I'd probably double barrel, and wear him down over time to agree to double-barrelling the elder DC as well (and then quietly dropping his part in day to day use)

What a stupid comment.

people on here seem to think it’s easy to change a child’s surname

Yes. It isn't.

I changed my eldest's surname by deedpoll when he was 9. For different reasons and he was in full agreement.

I had to meet with a magistrate and sign a declaration that no one else held PR.

If you're the only one with PR, it's fairly straightforward. If the father is on the BC ad also has PR, then his permission is needed.

You should always give a baby your surname.
If you are married to dad and have taken his name it will be the same as his. This why traditionally most babies had their dad's surname.
Nobody traditional gave a dad's surname over a mum's.