Really triggering segment on Radio 2 today on family estrangement, did anyone else hear it? Anyone affected by it.

[estraaanged]

Was driving between work appts today listening to Radio 2 and Jeremy Vine was on with a segment about King Charles' cancer diagnosis. Fair enough.

But he had some kind of woman posturing herself as an expert going on and on about how illness in the family can heal family rifts (vis a vis Harry)

Which I'm sure it does in many cases and I don't object to as a viewpoint.

But rather than acknowledge AT ANY POINT that sometimes estrangement is better than remaining in an abusive situation she kept going on and on "families are bound together FOREVER. You are better off accepting that people are flawed because FAMILIES LOVE EACH OTHER AND LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER."

I accept it's her viewpoint but it's really hurtful to hear someone shouting on the radio about how estrangement is just a rift that can be healed as love and support is there when you've been abused in your own family and removed yourself and your children from it to prevent further abuse.

Just wondered if anyone else heard her hectoring on and on and if it triggered them, too?

I've been estranged from my family for 7 years due to rampant sexual abuse in the family and because no way was I letting my kids be the next victims, so I have absolutely zero regrets.

I just hate this culture of minimising estrangement as a petty rift, feels like collusion with allowing abuse to go on in the name of 'family'.

Didn't hear it but it sounds like she doesn't understand. I'm almost 8 years estranged from my family. It's very sad but I've lost them to mental ill health and a bad marriage.

OP 💐

Thank you, 🌷 for you, too.

You're right, she doesn't understand. She shouldn't have been given airtime when she was so ignorant, would have been fine if she was phoning in with an opinion but she'd been brought in as an expert on the subject. Staggering.

She does my head in, 'Relationship Expert' they call her Barbara something, utter tool.

I didn't hear it but I agree with you. I never want to see my sister again as long as I live. And I'm right not to!

Didnt hear it either but she sounds very narrow minded.
There are many reasons why families fall out. Or cannot be together, such as history of abuse. And no its not beneficial to stay together in a toxic family dynamic. What a silly woman.

Sali Hughes spoke about her family estrangement on the grief cast podcast very well.
I'd assume that woman must have been referring to a family rift that got out of hand rather than dangerous abuse. Sorry it was hard for you to listen to.

Not sure if it was her but these "experts" have been doing the media rounds today.

They are talking shit.

She sounds very uninformed. Might it have been better to change stations?

I heard it. They said something along the lines of “most family fallouts where people don’t talk to each other for years is just petty snd stupid, people need to make up as family is important and life is too short “ i did think to myself, this is a throw away comment and not in majority of cases

I did turn it off, thanks.

No, the woman wasn't talking about one family rift that got out of hand, I'm not sure why you assumed that when I explained clearly in the OP she was talking about families generally?

Thank you, I'm glad someone else heard it.

It was so utterly unbalanced and unchallenged.

People who spout these views have no concept of the damage they cause.

I agree.

My father has been sick and dying for years and I kept up appearances as the pressure to be nice to a sick man no matter how bad a parent he was was so much. Then at the funeral I'm constantly confronted with comments how I ought to make up with my brother as my poor mum is grieving. What about my suffering? It's ignorant

They talk soooo much shit on the Jeremy Vine show, in general. I often have to change channels when it starts.

I'm sorry this upset you 💐

I think though that this person was spouting the same narrative that a lot of people spout when they talk about family estrangement. I didn't hear the segment, but it's very typical for people to do the 'oh, but you only get one mum!' or 'you only get one dad!' and shouldn't you forgive and make it all better.

I am NC with my mum (my dad is long dead), because she facilitated a convicted paedophile having access to my children. I've gotten a lot of 'but she's your mum! you only get one mum!' or best one yet 'But Jesus would forgive her!' (I'm Jewish 😂). No one ever talks about the people who did horrible things and caused the rift repairing them. Or the wellbeing of the people who were impacted by that and how much better it is for them being estranged. I, for one, am so much happier and my mental health is so much better now. 'Family estrangement' can actually be a really empowering choice. I wish there was more discussion of that.

I agree with this, Jeremy Vine is so smug and condescending I have to turn the radio off.

I'm sorry it triggered you op. That woman sounds clueless.

I agree with you OP.

THankfully did not hear it but people like this annoy the ever living shite out of me. People who say things like blood is thicker than water etc clearly have no idea whatit is like to be raised by abusers. I am NC with my mum and all I get off people is 'ah but you only have one mum' etc. Correct I do and she is abusive so I would rather none thanks. Horseshite.

Gosh, I'm so sorry you went through that.

And yes, it's abuse enabling. It creates shame amongst victims and encourages abuse to be kept in the shadows.

I just think it would be so odd if a 'relationship expert' came onto the BBC and said:

"In the vast majority of cases marriages just break down because of a rift and if people could just grow up a bit and put the past behind them they would be able to get past it. Because at the end of the day as marriage bounds you forever and your spouse LOVES you and WILL CARE FOR YOU."

It's quite blatantly not true of all marriages and it's quite blatantly not true of all families.

Yet divorce is very widely accepted, but somehow family estrangement is just people being silly.

Stupid, ignorant, abuse-enabling fuckwit, whoever she was.

It's much more common that people think I'm nc with dad and sibling following their poor decisions after my mums sudden death

I think a surprising number of people still think like this top tbh. That if there's no physical abuse it's better to paper over the cracks than to create a "broken family". They're ignorant, just like this supposed expert.

Agree. People are overly sentimental about family relationships and don't understand the harsh reality unless they have been through it. People have said that my FIL should not be on his own at Christmas and how sad it is that his son doesn't support him. Well there are reason for that! Some family rifts can be repaired, but some have gone too far, and when there is no effort and numerous broken promises on one side for over 50 years it has to be accepted for your own protection. No shame.

Agree unless you go through it with difficult family people havent a clue.. its so stressful

There is a good episode of All in the Mind on BBC Sounds about grieving while estranged, with Alice Roberts talking about her experiences of this. It was thoughtful and helpful.
I've experienced family members trying to guilt me into "making up" with someone. It's hurtful having your pain glossed over, to the extent that it's damaged my relationship with them too as they don't respect my need to protect myself.
Ignore the rent a gobs, Jeremy Vine show usually goes off after about 10 seconds if I somehow end up listening to it!