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Original poster

Contact with FWB

31 replies

autumn1610 · 04/02/2024 10:31

I don’t know what to do (i.e. do I try and phone them) I have a FWB since August time see each other once a month on average but chat regularly practically daily at times in the week, not all day but a little check in or flirty chat. I was meant to see him 25th but work schedules didn’t align. I haven’t heard from him since whatsapp messages unread but delivered. My issue is I know when something has happened as he goes quiet and shuts himself off. So I’m worried something has happened and he’s not in a good place but I don’t want to bombard him with messages. Do I leave it a bit longer realistically I haven’t heard from him in just over a week or do I try and call? I don’t believe he’s ghosting as we’ve talked about it a few times about how shit it is and we wouldn’t do it to each other. On the Tuesday of the week we had such a nice day chatting on the phone while we were both driving for work so it all feels a bit odd.

OP posts:
Ianzi · 04/02/2024 12:02

Where's the harm in trying to phone him ?

Original poster
autumn1610 · 04/02/2024 12:10

@Ianzi i suppose it’s that weird thing of not being in a relationship like how to navigate it. I don’t want to come across as needy etc and like he just needs the space. I suppose we don’t ring each other out the blue either it’s more like oh I’m driving are you fancy a chat

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 04/02/2024 12:12

If you weren't WB would you still be F?
What would you do if another good F just dropped out?

Ianzi · 04/02/2024 12:16

You're calling cause you're concerned not because you're needy. There are few outcomes out of it:
1.He either pick up and at least you know he's OK.
2.He messages you saying why are you ringing him, so once again you know that he's ignoring you or whatever.

  1. He doesn't pick up nor message but at least you know that you tried.
Original poster
autumn1610 · 04/02/2024 12:29

@TeenDivided true we had talked about the last time we had a chat like what would we do if one of us got in a relationship and both said we still wanted to be friends, for me he dragged me out of a shitty place and both say we find each other comforting. Which makes the silence so hard that I know I can help him feel better but I also know he just shuts down. I will give him another day or two so it’s a week since I reached out and just try and call. Realistically I know nothing bad will happen with me ringing him. Like I said I suppose it’s navigating that part of not being in a relationship

OP posts:
Incognitoergosumlol · 04/02/2024 12:37

I would give him a quick call today just to see how he is...I don't think this would be seen as needy at all. I think the linger you leave it the more awkward it could seem.

samestyle · 04/02/2024 12:40

No leave it he doesn't want contact with you atm, could be he's gone off you and not interested or found someone else.

SamW98 · 04/02/2024 12:43

If you’ve messaged a couple of times and he’s not replied, personally I’d leave it. He knows where you are and it will look like you’re chasing if you keep trying to get in touch.

Original poster
autumn1610 · 04/02/2024 12:51

@samestyle i don’t think it’s any of those things apart from the not wanting contact atm. Honesty we are pretty open with each other in terms of if there is someone else as both want to be having safe sex so have had discussions around that. It’s more the if he’s in a bad place mentally he shuts people out. So because I know this I want to just be like it’s ok I’m here when you need me but just give me a little sign you’re ok we don’t have to have a convo. Aghh the complications of trying to not be complicated 😂

OP posts:
samestyle · 04/02/2024 14:29

I'm a bit skeptical with the fwb type man, at least he's upfront with what it is, it's not a relationship, he doesn't feel he needs to explain what he's up to, even though he talks about being open with you, in reality if he has met someone he'd rather concentrate on, he doesn't want it sabotaged with you in the mix, also you know him more, but mental health excuse is commonly used with players to 'give them space' without having to explain what they are really up to.
Even if you couldn't give 2 twigs that he's shagging about town, he could go quiet and hold some fear or guilt about telling you the truth.

Original poster
autumn1610 · 04/02/2024 15:35

Yeah potentially I mean I can’t rule it out and not naive enough to think I’m the only one, even if he says I am. If that’s the case then we move on. Just hate the complexities of navigating situations when what we are is so loose. Never mind. I’ll give him a few days and maybe just ping him a quick call when I think he will be driving or getting ready for work

OP posts:
RandomForest · 04/02/2024 17:21

Sounds like you've caught feelings for him, FWB only works if both parties are level on the ammount of emotions involved.

You sound more needy than him.

Original poster
autumn1610 · 04/02/2024 18:44

@RandomForest of course I have some level of feelings towards him. How can you not?? I give a shit about him if somethings up the same as I do with my friends without benefits. But yeah that’s what I don’t want to come across as needy but I also care if he’s not ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
autumn1610 · 04/02/2024 18:53

The thing is if it was one of my mates I wouldn’t even be having this discussion I would be ringing them asking if they were ok. But the extra dynamic in this is what is holding me off

OP posts:
RandomForest · 04/02/2024 19:09

Why do you not communicate on weekends.

It sounds rubbish, you have limitations on when you can call and he fits you in whilst driving.

I think you're going to get hurt.

Carerandmum · 04/02/2024 19:25

Tbh you could've been describing my fwb. In his case I wait till I hear

Original poster
autumn1610 · 04/02/2024 20:01

@RandomForest he has his kid at weekends so I don’t want to disturb him when he has time with his DC. I don’t think that is an issue he had never said don’t contact me at weekends, but for me it’s their time. If he doesn’t have them then I normally go see him on one night. He doesn't fit me in while driving but we both drive quite a bit for work so if we are going to call then it’s easier as we just natter while driving and keep each other company. Yeah I could get hurt but I’ve done 6 months and this is the first time there has really been an issue in communication.

OP posts:
Original poster
autumn1610 · 04/02/2024 20:02

@Carerandmum haha maybe it’s the same one! I’ll give it a few more days I think, I think you just get used to times etc when we speak and it’s thrown me not hearing from him

OP posts:
Mycatsarethebest · 04/02/2024 21:05

I would drop him a text ignoring the previous messages and say "Hope you had a good weekend with the little ones. Fancy a catch up chat soon?" Problem solved - he either answers or he doesn't

Carerandmum · 04/02/2024 23:28

@autumn1610 it really sounds like it's the same one 🤣 mine has his kid at weekends and drives a lot for his job too!

hotblacktea · 05/02/2024 06:48

if he doesn't want to talk, leave him be, you're not his partner or in a relationship

don't just assume he will feel better if you talk to him, that's a slippery slope in a fwb situation

Original poster
autumn1610 · 05/02/2024 09:23

@hotblacktea I’m not saying I will make him feel better but we both say we find each other a comfort when things are shite. This is my thing which is why I haven’t reached out more is we aren’t in a relationship and have no plans to be, but if he was my friend without I wouldn’t even be having the conversation I would have rung him by now. I’m allowed to be worried about someone without wanting to be in a relationship just like I would be worried about a friend if a message has gone unread for a week and a half

OP posts:
Original poster
autumn1610 · 05/02/2024 09:30

However I am also a bit pissed off as it’s not difficult to say I’m ok but having a shit time I’ll reach out when I’m ready. I have anxiety anyway which a lot manifests me catastrophising about family/friends etc so this just plays into it and I overthink

OP posts:
Mycatsarethebest · 05/02/2024 12:36

A "relationship" like this only serves to create anxiety.

What are you going to do?

Original poster
autumn1610 · 05/02/2024 13:03

@Mycatsarethebest until now it’s been fine anxiety wise, like I go he will reach out when he’s ready (it’s only happened maybe 2/3 times since we’ve been chatting) but it’s never normally been this long with the messages unread as well. I dunno what I’m going to do to be honest. I’ll give it a day or so and probs try and call or leave a voice note so he can’t just see my message in preview maybe

OP posts: