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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner hasn't come home

54 replies

2amclubx · 03/02/2024 03:33

Basically my parter went out with a friend this afternoon told me he'd be home for 10! Messaged me and said he's having fun will be later it's now half 3 his phone is off and I can't get a hold of him this is very odd behaviour the friend that hes with I don't really trust he takes cocaine When he's out and as far as I'm aware my partner doesn't this friend he hasn't seen for awhile but I'm now worried this friend is staying in a hotel do I call??? I have no contact bar Facebook for the friend last active 7 hours ago I'm really worried haven't slept at this point a little message would be fine but I haven't heard from him since 7ish he never ever does this I mean never..

OP posts:
TwylaSands · 03/02/2024 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Stupid men do stupid stuff all the time. Thoughtless men so thoughtless things all the time. Good men dont act like pricks all the time.

raise your bar.

Original poster
2amclubx · 03/02/2024 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So it's okay to take drugs and stay out all night while I'm at home with our one year old?

OP posts:
TwylaSands · 03/02/2024 21:29

2amclubx · 03/02/2024 21:28

Yes he admitted it he said he doesn't know why he done regrets it ect I just can't even listen to him I've ti like just to stay in the spare room cause he knew how I felt about this and chose to do it anyway said he was very drunk and sorry

Ive just realised i posted on your other thread this week. Your husband is a jackass. He really is. This wont be a happy marriage. You will always be very low down on his priority list.

why do you have separate bank accounts when you are a sahm?! How are you surviving?

Original poster
2amclubx · 03/02/2024 21:32

He sends me money whenever I need it and how much I need I know I'm starting to think maybe I need to start getting sticks on a row I do love him but he's showing sides he's never shown before and i don't want my son growing up thinking it's okay

OP posts:
Rgeroal · 03/02/2024 21:33

2amclubx · 03/02/2024 21:28

So it's okay to take drugs and stay out all night while I'm at home with our one year old?

Show quote history

Yes. As long as you get time to enjoy yourself too.

2chocolateoranges · 03/02/2024 21:33

Going out getting drunk and coming home late I can deal with. Taking coke is not something I’d put up with.

one time id forgive but if it happens again then we would be finished! I’m not having someone who takes drugs around my child.

TwylaSands · 03/02/2024 21:35

2amclubx · 03/02/2024 21:32

He sends me money whenever I need it and how much I need I know I'm starting to think maybe I need to start getting sticks on a row I do love him but he's showing sides he's never shown before and i don't want my son growing up thinking it's okay

What about when you want money? What do you spend on yourself? Haircuts? Outfits? Meals? Nights out?

MrsKeats · 03/02/2024 21:35

Don't listen to the drug apologists.
Is he a role model for your child?

Rgeroal · 03/02/2024 21:35

TwylaSands · 03/02/2024 21:28

Stupid men do stupid stuff all the time. Thoughtless men so thoughtless things all the time. Good men dont act like pricks all the time.

raise your bar.

Show quote history

Good advice for the OP. If you pick men like this who behave like this and didn't set these boundaries before you have children or get married to them while they are still in this stage their lives, what can anyone say? You picked him.

TwylaSands · 03/02/2024 21:40

Rgeroal · 03/02/2024 21:35

Good advice for the OP. If you pick men like this who behave like this and didn't set these boundaries before you have children or get married to them while they are still in this stage their lives, what can anyone say? You picked him.

Show quote history

No. I was replying to your sexist comment, not op.

Good men dont act like this. Dickheads act like dickheads. You saying it was just a man thing to do is nonsense.

Inyourwildestdreams · 03/02/2024 21:42

TwylaSands · 03/02/2024 21:35

What about when you want money? What do you spend on yourself? Haircuts? Outfits? Meals? Nights out?

Show quote history

Yeah I second this @2amclubx - are you having to ask for money whenever you need/want something?

Only you can decide what you’re happy with in your relationship but personally that would have me running for the hills. The coke would be a dealbreaker for me too.

FatFemale · 03/02/2024 21:48

Trust is gone now. How can he do drugs and put himself at risk of dying when you have a young child. Whats your plan?

ZekeZeke · 03/02/2024 22:01

OP if you allow him to stay you are basically condoning his drug taking (now and into the future) as there are no consequences.
Dump his ass.

Faz469 · 03/02/2024 22:08

2amclubx · 03/02/2024 21:28

Yes he admitted it he said he doesn't know why he done regrets it ect I just can't even listen to him I've ti like just to stay in the spare room cause he knew how I felt about this and chose to do it anyway said he was very drunk and sorry

Oooh, I've heard all this with an ex. He only got to do it twice... then I left. No way was I putting up with that.

Nanny0gg · 03/02/2024 23:21

2amclubx · 03/02/2024 21:28

So it's okay to take drugs and stay out all night while I'm at home with our one year old?

Show quote history

And how much did he spend?

Nanny0gg · 03/02/2024 23:22

2amclubx · 03/02/2024 21:32

He sends me money whenever I need it and how much I need I know I'm starting to think maybe I need to start getting sticks on a row I do love him but he's showing sides he's never shown before and i don't want my son growing up thinking it's okay

That shouldn't be how a partnership's finances work.

Bet you pay proportionately more than he does

defiant2024 · 04/02/2024 00:55

Selfish and unacceptable of him. You've a right to worry. Chances are he's just partying hard and is fine.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/02/2024 22:44

TwylaSands · 03/02/2024 21:29

Ive just realised i posted on your other thread this week. Your husband is a jackass. He really is. This wont be a happy marriage. You will always be very low down on his priority list.

why do you have separate bank accounts when you are a sahm?! How are you surviving?

Show quote history

The alternative is him having access to all of the money all of the time, including child benefit and being able to shove the week's food money up his nose.

Maray1967 · 05/02/2024 00:08

Rgeroal · 03/02/2024 21:33

Yes. As long as you get time to enjoy yourself too.

Show quote history

No. If mine did drugs it would be over.

coffeeandcake91 · 05/02/2024 00:55

I would lock the doors from the inside so he can't get in. He's a grown man, should have the respect to let you know he's not coming back the time he said he would

MariaLuna · 05/02/2024 01:09

If you pick men like this who behave like this and didn't set these boundaries before you have children or get married to them while they are still in this stage their lives, what can anyone say? You picked him.

Yea, blame the woman, why don't you? Is your man perfect? No, thought not.

OP, couldn't deal with a man who does cocaine. Been there, done that.

Everything turns to shit. Best get out and be there for you and your child.

Cocaine is ruining many countries. In South America as well as in Europe.

‘The tsunami just keeps coming’: Europe’s growing cocaine market | Drugs trade | The Guardian

‘The tsunami just keeps coming’: Europe’s growing cocaine market

Customs officials face losing battle as €10bn cocaine trade leads to dramatic increase in violent crime in north-west Europe

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/oct/18/tsunami-keeps-coming-europe-growing-cocaine-market

MariaLuna · 05/02/2024 01:14

^So it's okay to take drugs and stay out all night while I'm at home with our one year old?
Show quote history
Yes. As long as you get time to enjoy yourself too.^

Jesus, talk about burying your head in the sand.....

Probably does coke too.

Friend of mine did so much coke he died of a brain disease. Truth.

LHJ21 · 05/02/2024 18:29

Exact same situation last night.
My husband made up some bullshit that one of his colleagues was having birthday drinks. But I know that he went out with one of his friend who he does drugs with, but he’ll deny it.
He came home early hours of the morning, but has done nothing but sleep the whole day. Can tell he’s been up to no good with the nonsense small talk he’s trying to make. I’ve gone past the point of caring around him or what he does.
Have caught him doing coke on a number of occasions over the years, he knows I hate it but he shouts me down that I’m wrong when I say I know he’s done it.
I can’t stand my husband, just waiting for the day he finally fucks off as I haven’t got the money to manage on my own.

TwylaSands · 05/02/2024 19:22

LHJ21 · 05/02/2024 18:29

Exact same situation last night.
My husband made up some bullshit that one of his colleagues was having birthday drinks. But I know that he went out with one of his friend who he does drugs with, but he’ll deny it.
He came home early hours of the morning, but has done nothing but sleep the whole day. Can tell he’s been up to no good with the nonsense small talk he’s trying to make. I’ve gone past the point of caring around him or what he does.
Have caught him doing coke on a number of occasions over the years, he knows I hate it but he shouts me down that I’m wrong when I say I know he’s done it.
I can’t stand my husband, just waiting for the day he finally fucks off as I haven’t got the money to manage on my own.

How will you manage when he finally fucks off then?

Rgeroal · 05/02/2024 19:50

MariaLuna · 05/02/2024 01:09

If you pick men like this who behave like this and didn't set these boundaries before you have children or get married to them while they are still in this stage their lives, what can anyone say? You picked him.

Yea, blame the woman, why don't you? Is your man perfect? No, thought not.

OP, couldn't deal with a man who does cocaine. Been there, done that.

Everything turns to shit. Best get out and be there for you and your child.

Cocaine is ruining many countries. In South America as well as in Europe.

‘The tsunami just keeps coming’: Europe’s growing cocaine market | Drugs trade | The Guardian

Who else would be to blame for the man a woman chooses and chooses to have a child with? He is to blame for what he does, she is to blame for picking him.

Why are some women so allergic to responsibility?