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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am entitled to be pissed off with DH

79 replies

Bumbleby · 02/02/2024 20:27

Just that really. Still working on his computer on a Friday night at nearly 8.30pm in his 9 -5 job?
Has not got a special project with an urgent deadline.
I know where I am in his list of priorities ....
But I am unreasonable to feel like this?

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 02/02/2024 20:57

Bumbleby · 02/02/2024 20:55

I am not "pouting" about it, not said a word and left him alone to work without comment
Just posting for others thoughts if feeling pissed off on a Friday night, sitting alone is normal
I have not said anything but don't want him to feel unsympathetic, but I just feel sad, as this is common situation

so as soon as he's finished you're going to put on a happy face and pretend you weren't just sat for 3-4 hours feeling pissed off?

JanglingJack · 02/02/2024 20:58

Do you think he could be purposely avoiding you for some reason?

Greensleevevssnotnose · 02/02/2024 21:00

My oh is on the PlayStation in his office whilst I am on the pc in the living room, we are both enjoying Friday night in different ways.

jesuisterriblementmarrier · 02/02/2024 21:02

I am in your DH position and when I need to catch up , my DH just comes and sits with me and we have a chat whilst I work. Maybe go in and sit with him . Sometimes doing those extra hours make the working day easier.

Plantmother71 · 02/02/2024 21:04

Depends on the job. DP is a partner in a law firm and working outside 9-5 goes with the territory. Even for the solicitors and legal execs at the firm.

Ifallelsefailschocolate · 02/02/2024 21:05

It’s not great if he’s not communicating his work plans and how often wfh late.

I don’t blame you feeling sad, if my Dh did this often when our children were young I wouldn’t have been happy.

Can you discuss a plan with the way forward?

Could you both strike a deal to keep some regular nights completely free for you both to spend together?

Original poster
Bumbleby · 02/02/2024 21:09

Saying something just upsets him, that is why I am letting him get on with it, but still feel sad
Have tried talking about it, he is working on not falling asleep when he does finish work

OP posts:
meringue33 · 02/02/2024 21:11

It’s a depressing way to spend a Friday. Not sure why so many people are apologising for workaholism and presenteeist employers. We should be more like the French when it comes to work life balance.

Do you have kids? The least he could do is give you advance notice that he has to work so you could make plans with the kids or with your friends or just plan a pamper night for yourself as PPs have suggested.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 02/02/2024 21:12

I'm assuming you'd be more pissed off if he was unemployed? Haven't you ever had to work late for a deadline? YABU

kalokagathos · 02/02/2024 21:12

I have a job like your husband and 9-5 is just on paper. Am on calls all day, and after 5 is the only time I can actually do the work. At a certain rank you don't get paid overtime. I suck it up. So does my partner and children. They have their bills paid.

Sidebeforeself · 02/02/2024 21:13

My DH is like this. He will just keep working and tapping away forever if I didn’t stop him.Doesnt mean he doesn’t want to be with me, its just like he doesn’t have an off switch.

karmakameleon · 02/02/2024 21:13

I’m think it’s hard to tell if there’s a problem without more context. What job does he do, is some unpaid overtime expected? Is he trying for promotion? Does he work late every night? Does he work all weekend? Does he ever spend any time with you?

I generally work late on a Friday because I like to make sure everything is done and I don’t have anything significant to carry over to the next week. If we have plans, it’s different though. And I don’t work over the weekend so I can spend time with my family, so I’d be pissed off if DH was sulking because I worked late on a Friday when we didn’t have any other plans.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 02/02/2024 21:14

Also why do you need him to entertain you, make your own fun or go out. You sound super needy tbh. Relax, have a bath? Watch a movie? So many options

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 21:14

if youre lonely why not organise to go out with some friends, or go see one? I think it’s fine ti work if he has stuff to do.

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 21:15

meringue33 · 02/02/2024 21:11

It’s a depressing way to spend a Friday. Not sure why so many people are apologising for workaholism and presenteeist employers. We should be more like the French when it comes to work life balance.

Do you have kids? The least he could do is give you advance notice that he has to work so you could make plans with the kids or with your friends or just plan a pamper night for yourself as PPs have suggested.

Why does she need advance notice, she can do stuff with the kids any time, if she has them, and she can go out with her mates any time, as long as she knows he’s there if there is kids, and if none, she can go out, it’s not the 50s.

gamerchick · 02/02/2024 21:18

If my husband worked late, did hobbies and fell asleep on the settee rather than spend time with me. I would absolutely tell him how it made me feel and I don't give a toss if he got upset.

I'd be asking the elephant in the room question. Life is far to short to feel lonely in a relationship.

Sceptical123 · 02/02/2024 21:19

Is he glued to and protective of his phone and does he keep it face down?

WandaWonder · 02/02/2024 21:21

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 20:28

Are you bored or something? I’d be a bit pissed off if my husband demanded I stop work to give him attention.

This, I would just get on with whatever I wanted to do I don't need entertaining

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 21:21

Sceptical123 · 02/02/2024 21:19

Is he glued to and protective of his phone and does he keep it face down?

There is always one who wants to try make it a whole lot worse for the op.

Sceptical123 · 02/02/2024 21:21

gamerchick · 02/02/2024 21:18

If my husband worked late, did hobbies and fell asleep on the settee rather than spend time with me. I would absolutely tell him how it made me feel and I don't give a toss if he got upset.

I'd be asking the elephant in the room question. Life is far to short to feel lonely in a relationship.

Agree with this. Working late is possibly not his choice but hobbies out the house several times a week certainly is.

Original poster
Bumbleby · 02/02/2024 21:21

Well I will just go out every night then and do my own thing, rather than think it would be nice to spend time with my husband as it is clearly unreasonable for me to feel he may want to want my company occasionally ........

I am not sure why so many of you assume I don't know what it is like to have a job that demands long unpaid hours or have any understanding the concept of work pressure.

OP posts:
Jf20 · 02/02/2024 21:23

Bumbleby · 02/02/2024 21:21

Well I will just go out every night then and do my own thing, rather than think it would be nice to spend time with my husband as it is clearly unreasonable for me to feel he may want to want my company occasionally ........

I am not sure why so many of you assume I don't know what it is like to have a job that demands long unpaid hours or have any understanding the concept of work pressure.

Well I don’t think you need to go,out every night..but you can entertain yourself for the few hours he maybe doing someone till early evening, but yes you can also organise stuff so,you do not get lonely by 8.

Sceptical123 · 02/02/2024 21:24

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 21:21

There is always one who wants to try make it a whole lot worse for the op.

Show quote history

I was surprised no one else had raised this. She’s said he works late a lot, falls asleep when he works late at home and goes out 3 nights a week to do hobbies. When are they meant to share any quality time? It doesn’t sound like it’s a priority for him. Hate to stir the pot but he doesn’t sound that concerned how his wife is feeling and she’s said he gets upset when she raises it.

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 21:25

Sceptical123 · 02/02/2024 21:24

I was surprised no one else had raised this. She’s said he works late a lot, falls asleep when he works late at home and goes out 3 nights a week to do hobbies. When are they meant to share any quality time? It doesn’t sound like it’s a priority for him. Hate to stir the pot but he doesn’t sound that concerned how his wife is feeling and she’s said he gets upset when she raises it.

Show quote history

Depends I guess on what spending time entails, is it just sitting watching the telly, or what?

Original poster
Bumbleby · 02/02/2024 21:28

I just wanted views to help me review if feeling rather fed up about this was reasonable, so got a selection of different opinions. Thanks

OP posts: