Amazing man, awful in bed.

[VivaLaResistance]

This is really stressing me out.

I've known him for a few years, we started seeing eachother early last year - it fizzled out a bit and we've recently reconnected again. He is really so lovely, lovelier than any other man I've been with. So many green flags in his behaviour towards me - everything feels so straight forward I'm never left wondering about his feelings for me, I'm comfortable around him and at his house, I can really imagine a nice future life with him.

But in bed he is so disappointing. Everything is over so fast. I know this can happen every now and then but it is every single time. Even if we go 3, 4, 5 times back to back every single time its quick. I'm wondering if it's some kind of medical issue.

He makes me SO happy in every other way that I'm now stuck between accepting it or trying to come up with a way to broach the subject with him. I feel awkward about it because I know what a touchy subject it can be for men and I really dont want to hurt his feelings or embarrass him.

I'm really not sure I want to commit to being disappointed in bed indefinitely. Is there a way to approach this conversation and have it go well?

Thank you in advance.

I think it’s very dependent on what’s terrible about it. The actual act being quick wouldn’t bother me too much, if he wasn’t selfish and was considerate of my experience. The fact he can go 3/4/5 times in a row is also pretty impressive!

Do you feel that he’s considerate sexually?

What do you mean by fast?
Does he make sure you’ve enjoyed it even if it hasn’t lasted that long? This would be the important bit for me.

If he’s fast when it comes to the act, doesn’t he make any effort with the foreplay beforehand? Does he acknowledge how fast he is?

Is this why the relationship fizzled out the last time?

If it is and he’s returned with the same MO, you may be wasting your time.

I mean fast as in he ejaculates really quickly. It isn't in a selfish way, we do other things and he clearly wants to make me feel good. But the actual penetration is over VERY quickly. I realise this would be ideal for some people, but it isn't for me. I don't want a 2 hour marathon session but I would like some time to get into it at least.

He has referenced it a couple times but only relating to individual times. So twice afterwards he's said 'oh wow that was fast sorry' or something like that. And it's confusing because yes it was fast but no faster than any other time.

It probably is part of the reason it fizzled out for me before, but wasn't something we had discussed or I had spoken to him about.

Cialis can be helpful for PE as well as not getting hard. See if he will talk to GP

@Bluerisotto it's good to know that that is an option, I just have no idea how to approach the conversation with him?

Heard condoms dull sensation for a man? Will this make him.last longer? Before u nxt have sex, why not have a conversation outside the bedroom about how to get him to last longer?

You definitely need to have a conversation. Life is too short for shit sex!

There are ways to help, but he needs to be able to talk about it maturely without getting upset and be willing to try them. You need to be brave enough to bring it up though, and not in a way that makes him feel like shit.

Is he not wearing condoms already?!

If you can’t talk to him about it, then it’s not a viable relationship

Pick a neutral place and time, say some appreciative things and then say you’d love to explore making intercourse last longer - there’s lots of treatments for PE - just have a Google so you can respond if he’s prepared to have the conversation

Yes try calis or something similar. I saw someone for a few months years ago in a very on/off way. But I sussed that he was probably taking something most of the time (although denied it). Could go for ages and actually never got to ejaculation. But then one time session suddenly ejaculated 3 times over about 20 mins - each one v quick, disappointing and definitely less firm and smaller. Obviously I smelled a rat, but as I didn't particularly care for him anyway, I was just quizzical about it.

I had the same issue as this. He was very aware and would apologise constantly. I imagine he was extremely insecure about it. I never made a thing about it and just repeated I didn't mind. Six years and a baby later, the problem has pretty much gone bar a few times when it's been a while. I'd say it took about 6 months before there was improvement then by a year it was much better! I do think me being supportive helped as he didn't feel any pressure so managed to get a grip of it himself and didn't obsess about it. I genuinely didn't mind that much though so wasn't a deal breaker.

Run away.

@Dizzledazzleswow this is why I wish it was something he'd bring up himself. I'd find it easy to be reassuring and it could open up a conversation about it. It feels like ME being the one to bring it up has more potential to come across the wrong way and upset him. I find it hard to imagine that he isn't aware of it, I'm not exactly the first person he's slept with.

Have you tried edging … I’ve never had this issue with by ex DH and my current partner but I’ve heard of this .. you could try slow it down before he comes ? However wider conversation to be had in a sensitive way as imagine it’s quite embarrassing for him and he’s aware of it as he’s commented how fast he’s been in the past … good luck life is never perfect but we can try our best 😅

Yes, tablet's definitely help men to last longer as well as ED. Might be worth a try. Helped an ex of mine with this issue massively.

Try condoms, if you’re not already using them.

But you really do need to talk to him. I know it’s awkward, but good sex is a team game and it requires communication. If you really like him, and he’s really a decent guy you can work on it together. Good luck.

If you can't talk to him about the hard stuff your relationship is already in trouble.

My ex has a spray he used to use, I’m not sure if it numbed things enough so it wasn’t over in a minute.

Also, there are pelvic floor exercises he can do which can increase his control over this. He could look into it, it's effective.

Cock ring? Those delay PE

If you're having sex you should be able to talk about it. Maybe start by telling him how much you like him, enjoy having sex with him and would like it to last longer because you enjoy it. Ask if there's anything you can do to help him last longer then hopefully that leads to what you can do together and anything he can do (medically/physically). Good luck (take the line "you can't have too much of a good thing")

As a 50-something yo, my view based only on my lived experience and Mumsnet threads, is that by and large women try to fix problems (is it me? Should I change? Should I see my GP?) and men ignore problems (yeah, sorry about that) - and even when it’s a ‘male’ problem, like PE or ED, it’s the woman that is trying to figure out a solution without hurting feelings (how do I gently suggest he see a GP?)

I wish men would take responsibility for shit sex!