Amazing man, awful in bed.

[VivaLaResistance]

This is really stressing me out.

I've known him for a few years, we started seeing eachother early last year - it fizzled out a bit and we've recently reconnected again. He is really so lovely, lovelier than any other man I've been with. So many green flags in his behaviour towards me - everything feels so straight forward I'm never left wondering about his feelings for me, I'm comfortable around him and at his house, I can really imagine a nice future life with him.

But in bed he is so disappointing. Everything is over so fast. I know this can happen every now and then but it is every single time. Even if we go 3, 4, 5 times back to back every single time its quick. I'm wondering if it's some kind of medical issue.

He makes me SO happy in every other way that I'm now stuck between accepting it or trying to come up with a way to broach the subject with him. I feel awkward about it because I know what a touchy subject it can be for men and I really dont want to hurt his feelings or embarrass him.

I'm really not sure I want to commit to being disappointed in bed indefinitely. Is there a way to approach this conversation and have it go well?

Thank you in advance.

Yes I agree with this.
If you want to have a relationship with anyone you need to be able to discuss everything at some point.
How people handle difficult conversations and resolve conflict is the number one relationship maker/killer IMO.
You have nothing to lose; if you don't raise the issue then you haven't got a relationship or hope of one. If he handles it badly, or doesn't handle it at all then you know and you can decide if someone who doesn't care about your happiness and fulfilment is someone you want to be with.

I'm middle aged, the guys I've had sex with were all interested in my pleasure and pleasing me first, it was easy for them to climax so they worked on controlling that (not so much of a problem when you get older!) it was considered very embarrassing if the man climaxed too quickly. Obviously it happens and no big deal if it's not too frequently that way, and I'm not into shaming but I'm surprised he's so blasé about it. How does he view sex and equal pleasure?

I think sleepprettydarling makes an excellent point. I don't think you should research and present him with solutions however I do think you should raise this and let him know you are willing to try any solutions he proposes (that work for you).

Yes shit sex is a huge issue if he ignores it but if he makes the effort to fix it after you broach the issue then fair play. He may be hoping things get better, perhaps they have in the past, but no reason why you should just ignore this and hope for the best.

He has sort of acknowledged this. Perhaps you could ask him whether sex has always been of a similar duration and go from there.

Really really appreciate all the input. I'm seeing him tonight and may try to approach it then. I like him so much that I've asked myself how important is penetration really, but if I'm honest and take off my googly eye glasses it is quite important to me. Think I'd feel better if I knew it was something he was trying to work on.

Some really helpful advice on here and good points made regarding women bearing the responsibility of everything.

@VivaLaResistance I'm having a similar issue with my new partner. He's so amazing in literally every other way but very quick off the draw. It frustrates me as we are obviously building a rhythm and then he has to stop or slow down to prevent it, but that just takes me out of it! I have mentioned viagra and the like, and he said he'll look into it but was convinced it's only for ED. It's been just over 6 months so I hoped it would have improved by now but it's much the same even though it's regular and he's not pent up or anything. I don't want to run from a great relationship but at the same time I know penetration is important. It's a tricky one. For me it was easier to mention the possibility of trying out the drugs as he's aware of it and will talk about it openly. I hope you have a good conversation and can find a solution without doing all of the legwork!

Try tantric sex? According to Stings wife it takes them all day.

I dated someone like this once… perfect lad. Honestly, from a wonderful family, sweet, in a career that helped others but also paid him well, he had morals, was funny… EXCEPT THE SEX SUCKED, and I could never get over it.

I eventually found someone else with ALL those qualities and our sexual chemistry was lit. No need to ‘settle’ specially if sex is important to you.

I'm familiar with this. It's like you're in a race isnt it, he is DETERMINED to make sure he wins, he comes first, you .... well he dont really give a sh1t as long as he gets his!

I think there are climax delay lubrications, maybe worth a try?

OP he knows, so don't be afraid to mention it. Just say you enjoy PIV but want it to last longer, then tell him about some of the options that are available. His reaction will tell you all you need to know about whether you want to continue being in a relationship with him!

The going 3, 4, 5 times, this is his version of love bombing you.
If you commit to him, once you're locked down in some way you'll be on half rations- just the one quickie with empty promises/laughing it off if you try to raise the subject.

You need to have a chat with him, just say that you really like him, loving spending time getting to know him and you'd really enjoy it if you could draw out the end point of the shag and would he be willing to try a few things with you? His response will tell you if it's a goer or not, hopefully he will be open and see it as an opportunity to improve the relationship rather than a blow to the go.

I had to end a relationship once with a bloke that was brilliant in all the other ways because he was a humper. I tried to talk to him about it, but it landed on deaf ears and he shrugged it off because he liked to hump, so off he had to go.

Op if you're saying you're having sex five times in a row, is he actually ejaculating or just losing his erection?

I was with someone lovely who wasn't right sexually, different issue but same result. Five years of feeling unsatisfied, it eventually affected my self esteem and I left long after I should have.

I'm not with someone who is the best sex I've ever had, my best friend and loving and kind to boot.

Address it now, don't be me. Don't settle.

Now*

There are condoms with some sort of numbing gel. Got to be worth a try.

My friend was starting to feel rather chafed after lots of sexitime with her bf so she applied some lube she used at work for catheterizing patients and had accidentally brought home .
Everything went swimmingly for a very long time but eventually bf remarked that he could no longer feel his penis . (That would be the Lidocaine , an ingredient they hadn't considered in the moment of lust) .
He remained priapic for 38 hours .
This is probably not helpful , though .