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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

First date nerves

4 replies

mintmagnum3 · 31/01/2024 22:32

I have arrange my first date this weekend with someone I've been chatting with online and I'm sooo nervous.
I am quite shy and I get really anxious when meeting new people. In fact I'd go as far as saying I'm dreading it 😂🙈
What do we talk about? What do I say when I see him the first time?
Do I actually even like him? What if he looks different to his photos?

Can anyone help me out here, I'm stressed!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 31/01/2024 22:36

If the two of you are compatible, you don't have to worry about any of this, because it'll all just flow, and you won't want to say goodbye. The only reason it could be in any way difficult or awkward is if you're not compatible, in which case, you don't stick around for long. 'It's been lovely to meet you. Good luck with everything!'

So, either way, no need for any prolonged anxiety.

StarlightLady · 01/02/2024 05:54

There is nothing wrong with telling him what you have told us, shy when meeting new people etc. if he’s s a good one he’ll out you at ease.

yellowsmileyface · 01/02/2024 09:20

Do I actually even like him?

Dating is precisely for figuring this out. I think everyone gets a bit nervous for a first date, but you don't need to put so much pressure on yourself. If it ends up feeling a bit awkward, you don't have much to talk about, or you just don't really click, then you don't see each other again. It won't be a disaster if that happens.

As for what to talk about, what kind of stuff have you been chatting about already? Presumably you have some common interests you could bring up? A good trick to keep the conversation flowing is when your date mentions something about themselves, respond with a question rather than a statement. For example, if he says he went on holiday to Spain last summer, instead of responding with "that sounds nice", respond with "what was your favourite part of the trip?", or "what did you like most about Spain?". If he's talking about a hobby, asks him what he likes about said hobby. This may sound obvious but I'm quite shy and socially anxious too and this has helped me a lot with conversation!

Also, when I'm feeling really nervous about something, I try to tell myself instead that it's excitement rather than nerves. It's basically the same feeling, but if you keep telling yourself you're dreading it then you'll feel much more anxious than if you tell yourself you're excited for it.

Good luck and enjoy yourself!

SamW98 · 01/02/2024 11:00

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4944000-dating-thread-244

Have a look at this thread and maybe ask for advice on there.

My biggest tip would be don’t overthink it. My first date in years I was as so nervous and driving to the pub I was shaking.

But after the initial slight awkwardness, we just started chatting about normal stuff - life in general - and the conversation was easy.

There was no spark but he was a nice guy and he made me feel comfortable. I think be honest and tell him you’re nervous. A decent man will understand and put you at ease.

Dating Thread 244 | Mumsnet

The Rules: 1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emoti...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4944000-dating-thread-244

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