So is this just what happens? Men coming out the woodwork?

[gingypig]

I separated from my long term partner last year, been together since we were teenagers and I'm now 45. I laid low for quite a while after we split and didn't see a lot of people. However over Christmas I was in my home town and met up with some old friends and had a few nights out with people closer where I live.

I am not doing online dating or anything, not really looking but on my socials there seems to be some new message every other day from some guy I knew from school or uni or some old job trying to hit me up? Spoke to another single woman I know who is 35 and she says it is just what happens, pretty much every guy who ever fancied you and is single (or not) gets his radar pinged that you are now available and will try his luck?

So is this just what happens? Seems kind of mercenary behaviour to me and puts me off actually wanting to meet up with any of them. Don't even get me started on the one's who have done this and appear to be still married 🤮

Yeah I wish.
No it's not what happens. Not in my experience anyway.

@Lookingforunicorns Do you have social media? If they can't find you online then they can't message you I suppose?

Meh 🫤
it would be less cool if no one was interested surely? Shows you are alive and still a sexual creature 🤷‍♀️

sort of how it happened for me - also made me very sceptical of men talking about importance of their friendships. My exs friends were certainly not interested in following bro code when news of our split got out

@Indifferentchickenwings It just feels a bit like they are taking a pot shot in case I put out, it could be one or two are genuinely interested but how would I even know?

Oh poor me, everyone fancies me!

They don't come after us uglies like that so I presume they like you rather than just looking for anyone.

@Gwenhwyfar I don't think they do fancy me, more that they once thought I was worth a squirt and are now trying their luck, a lot of men would stick it in a hole in the road so it isn't flattering if you ask me. I don't believe for a minute you are ugly.

@PaintedEgg Yeah this has happened to me as well, I actually do quite like one of his friends but its too messy for me to get into.

Newly available and a bit vulnerable after a split, you are now prey.

I think it’s pretty common. A friend of mine split up with her husband 3 weeks ago (he was cheating, she kicked him out): she told me earlier that this morning a guy at her work started trying to chat her up saying he’d been looking for her on Facebook so he could message her 🤮 Thankfully she doesn’t do social media of any kind.

@MissHarrietBede This is exactly it, it is possible there is the odd real person in their but if feels like most are just trying their luck.

@CaveMum Grim, I need it for my work so I can't just get rid of it all unfortunately!

I've had this TBH and I don't say that in a 'Oh everyone fancies me' way. I've been sexually propositioned by a co-worker old enough to be my father (I'm in my 40s). Random married neighbour who I haven't even discussed my separation with offering to cut my grass and 'help out around the house' said with a wink. It's left me feeling like a lot of these men are predatory TBH. Grim.

@Ikeawarrior Exactly this! I assume they think I am still "shaggable" and worth a go but it seems unlikely they are all properly interested, I know they aren't!

@gingypig I agree - I think they smell blood and gather around because "oh look, this person I wouldn't mind having sex with is now single!"

These men don't see you as a person, they are preying on the chance that you will be feeling vulnerable and desperate for love and validation.
Opportunistic predators.

If you were going to date again it might be worth starting afresh. It never happened with these people from the past for a reason and the mutual connections etc. just make it all odd. But yes, this can happen. Wronguns get wind of you being single and they come creeping. If I were you I’d change my relationship status or make my posts seem like there was a significant other just to get rid of the creepers.

Yes, I’ve had experience of this quite a few times too.

Quite surprising how there turned out to be no loyalty among so called very close and long standing friends.

And yes, I agree it was a complete and utter turn off.

Not in my experience it isn’t. There are as many men in my horizon as there are flying pigs. I was widowed though so maybe that’s scaring them off?

It’s not happened to me either and I’m in a similar position to you and similar age. I wish it had, even if a little creepy or just basically opportunist, it would reassure me that someone might still see me that way.

A while ago now but completely agree. Most of them married. Also assumption that you are mid 40s so desperate for it!

Yes it's definately a thing. It;s just oportunistic.

A good male friend once told me that all that was necessary for him to shag a woman was for her to say yes.

a PP said something like they are preying on your vulnerability but you split up last year so unless very late last year- are you feeling vulnerable? If you are you’re probably not ready to date anyone.

They might not have any dodgy reasons for contacting you now. Maybe they’ve always found you attractive and have waited until you are are single. There’s a chance some might actually want more than a shag.

You won’t know unless you meet up with them (if you are in anyway interested in them) and find out.

The married ones are arseholes. Block them.

If you are ready for dating again now and any of these men float your boat you look set to have a good time ahead - enjoy

How do they know you are single? Is it because they know you in real life and have heard on the grapevine that you're newly single? Or have you changed your relationship status to single on social media? If it's the latter then just keep it hidden.