FIL gets too close for comfort.

[Teasie123]

I've been with my husband 28 years and this problem is not a new one. My FIL used to try and get too close and it ended up in him telling me he had a crush on me. I told him to sober up and go home. He was worse a few years back but stopped drinking and I stay well away from him even now. The slimy, dirty feeling he gives me just always makes me feel so uncomfortable. Now, there's a family christening coming up and I'm so worried that he LL drink. That's when he tries to dance with me and gets too handsy. Hate that he ruins my time with family like this.

I'm sorry this is happening to you OP.
The only way I've managed to deal with men like this in the past is to literally embarrass the fuck out of them in front of everyone else.

Also, hiss under your breath that you'll kick him in the balls it he so much as breathes near you in future. Make him believe that you mean it.

@whatthebejesus , thanks. It's just that it's been at least 3 years since I've been in a social environment with him. He's almost 70 now, so I'm hoping he's settled. It's just so stupid how he still makes me feel.

Use your voice, loud and firm. Speak to him as if he’s a very tiresome child.
Choose 2 or 3 phrases and keep to these.
Take your hand off me.
Remove your hand immediately, that’s very inappropriate.
This type of directive.

Don’t apologise, don’t explain. Use your voice and stand your ground.

Since when is it "yappy" to not want to be sexually assaulted?

I think you need to rethink your boundaries.

Why on earth have you not told your husband?

Don't dance with him, don't be left alone with him and if he touches you, tell him to keep his effing hands to himself. Stand up to him, the creepy old perv 😡

Don't dance with him
Tell him to say away from you,
Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone you will tell your husband

If you have daughters, keep them away from him.

This !

If your father was groping dh or one of your children would you want them to hide it so you could think he was “a nice man”.

I had incidents with two much older man being handsy, I called them out loudly. Just tell him and do not be worried about offending him. They rely on women being nice and not making a fuss.

Don't dance with him. Simple. And if he starts perving tell him to fuck off else he'll get a kick in the balls.
Why TF do women tolerate this behaviour?

Am willing to bet the phrase "Oh, that's just FIL being FIL. He doesn't mean anything by it!" gets utilised by those who know him?

Making light of gropers happens far too often. Makes me livid.

Take a small bottle of hand sanitiser. Quick squirt in his eye if he gets too close.

Hi

Sorry, but many tyical mistake

You should have told hubby a long time ago
Then you should not be danicing with him
Trust me once hubby has a word, it would have been sorted.

Hubby could say you feel uncomforable and does not want to dance with you.

I've told my husband to steer clear of drunk people when dancing and soon after we were married he told me his dad was a womaniser, steer clear - i thought it was a bit odd but I quickly noted what he meant and even hello hug was a split second even - best never to keep secrets IMO

No need to say anying "loudly" at an even to him as one poster stated as it all seems 'jokey' - it needs to be serious and hubby and FiL will have a chat, FiL will get upset, then so-be-it. and you will be better off for it

Becuse hubby warned me and I ensured i kept my distance, we never fell out

Did you mean to quote my post? I can't see why you are saying it's bad advice?

You should have told your husband the first time it ever happened, just tell him. No one should have to ever go through that alone.

Btw if it was my FIL I’d have slapped him and the whole world would have known and if he’d ever touched me again I’d have gone to the police, I’ve suffered trauma in the past though so my response would not have been the norm.

Listen slap him in front of everyone!
It's outrageous that he is doing this. I had an uncle who got to friendly, ended up going to the police! You really do not want to give him mixed signals, that is what he will say! Address this Now! Think of you.x😕

Yes it is bad advice!
’Getting handsy’ is sexual assault and this needs to be shut down. I don’t think being all jokey about it is sufficient, it obviously hasn’t worked so far. It also becomes a sort of tolerated, nudge nudge , wink wink -oh he’s up to his old tricks again crap!

All of this, except instead of swearing I’d say loudly “KEEP YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM ME, ARTHUR”.

You really must tell your DH instead of protecting this horrible creep, who does not deserve to be idolised. Protecting men’s feelings instead of calling out men who sexually assault us is why they get away with it so frequently.

I'm honestly amazed (and saddened) that, in this day and age, women still feel the need to cover up men's bad behaviour in order to avoid upsetting other men. Have we learned nothing?

Have you got daughters?

If so how is he with them?

If he upsets them how will you cope/will you involve your husband at that point?

Christ, that is vile. I’m sorry he’s such a pig op. But, unlike pps I can see why you’ve not told your DH. I find a “if you ever try to touch me again, I will break your fucking neck” quite effect. He has no right to treat you like this, put the rancid bastard right back in his box if he so much as looks at you wrong.

I find the term handsy underplays the unwanted touching/sexual assault. Dirty bastard Hands off is more accurate.

Oh god you poor thing that’s awful. What a vile man.

Absolutely true.
How dare he get all letchy with you, what a perv, that is so inappropriate.
Horrible.

You really must tell him to keep his hands to himself.