Can't get married to my boyfriend

[jasminegamine]

I have a autistic teen (with some other complex issues) and two cats

BF is allergic to cats

Teen is settled where we live and how we live so any changes would cause massive disruption

BF would be a dream husband:
-earns good money but has an enviable work life balance, can either WFH or go to his office as he pleases
-enjoys cooking and doing the dishes right after meals, enjoys grocery shopping and meal planning
-enjoys housework and is super clean and organised.

He is intelligent, gentle, high emotional EQ, stable, dependable, loyal, generous, likes providing

He is selfless in the bedroom (and out)

He pays attention, listens, remembers, is supportive

He works out and has hobbies

He gets on well with his siblings and nieces / nephews and is caring towards his elderly parents even though they are very difficult people and getting worse because of age

All of his friends are married with children and he said he never got married because he never found a woman he wanted to get married to...now in his early 50s he found me, but because of my circumstances we have to live separately and not seeing each other as much since he can't visit and I work full time.
We are 45 minutes away from each other and I know it does not seem much but we can only open quality time together once a week

We can't travel together since teen is not old enough, responsible enough to stay on their own and would not stay with anyone else

Just hoping our relationship lasts until teen is independent - but then I worry sometimes that my lack of availability will spoil the connection

There is no question here really, just wanted this out of my chest

Love has got everything to do with marriage! Everything else is secondary .., you won’t say you love him which is worrying …

@cestlavielife and still just see him once a week or so? Doesn't seem like much of a life for him.

No, don’t ditch animals for a man. He can take antihistamines and prolonged exposure aids non-serious allergy anyway.

Well, nothing says romance like ‘I don’t want to live with you because it would be harder to get to the gym’.

Does Mr Dream Boyfriend actually want to get married?

I've seen kinder remarks about giving up a baby for adoption than I have for rehoming cats.

They are not disposable objects to be got rid of because they are inconvenient, they are much-loved sentient beings and are part of the family. Their arrival also pre-dates the boyfriend.

@TinyTeachr "I'm amazed that there are such strong reactions to this!"

I'm amazed that you're amazed!!

Thankfully most of us cat slaves wouldn't ever part with our furbabies unless in the most extreme of circumstances!!

Sure, she could rehome the teen too, for good measure!!!🙄

He sounds more like a meal ticket than anything.

What solutions has he suggested to the situation? Has he proposed to you?

Very premature if so. Meeting once a week is not enough to know whether or not you should commit!

Sorry but you really cannot know someone if you see them once a week. He needs to move closer to you so you can spend more time together.

Yes, this is what I want to know. Has he, or the OP, actually proposed, or is this a pipe dream of the OP’s?

The whole ‘he would be a dream husband’ thing is a bit suspect.

Maybe he’s imaginary.

If her partner is allergic to cats, she has every right to re-home them (aside from teens attachment to them obvs). People are more important than animals, the posters here equating rehoming them with rehoming the teen are insane.

Clearly not an animal lover are we?

Oh yes, she has the right to rehome them but morally it would be wrong!! When you commit to a pet, it's for life, unless the circumstances are extreme. Animals matter too.

As for rehoming the teen, did you ever stop for a moment and actually think that such comments might be tongue-in-cheek??

Or did it occur to you where animals being rehomed go? They put demands on struggling rescues, and maybe sit there unwanted for years, especially as they're not kittens!

It makes me so angry that some people think animals are disposable!! I do hope you don't have any, with that attitude!

I don't see anything wrong with OP's reasonings. She's logically set out a list of things she likes about him - imagine she had put everything the same, but that he didn't work, or only worked a minimum wage job in his 50s? Not a single soul on here would ignore that and focus on all his other positives.

@jasminegamine I do think you should consider that you both move somewhere new, maybe not now, but in the (not too distant) future. It sounds like you're expecting teen to live with you pretty long-term - you deserve to have a life to live as well, why not start the conversations now about potentially moving, maybe even to the aforementioned house with a granny flat? Disruption is going to happen regardless of whether it's him moving in, you moving, you getting married, you splitting up.