Long story short our marriage broke down a little over a year ago.
Ex H decided to leave so we could have some space. He ended up sleeping with another woman during the time we separated but was trying to fix things with me as well until he admitted he'd been seeing someone else and she wanted something more serious with him. Obviously I was furious and hurt and asked him to leave after his admission but he wanted to come home.
He ended up getting into the something serious with her a few days later despite her knowing he had asked me back and that we had been working on things while she was sleeping with him.
They've been together ever since. Recently ex h told me he misses me and thinks about me a lot and I have also found myself thinking about him and missing him. For the last 4 months he regularly video calls late at night, we chat and sometimes reminisce about things. I have to admit it's left me even more heartbroken because it's made me fall for him all over again. But I don't see this going anywhere because its been 4 months and while he's saying all these things and keeping in regular contact he doesn't actually ask me if he can come back or can we make this work.
The conversation is that he wishes things didn't go how they did, he hasn't given up on hope for me and him rekindling our marriage, but he's created something complicated and can't leave what he's created with his gf now. Keeps saying it's going to kill him if he sees me move on and how he regrets ever leaving in the first place.
He has definitely reeled me in again and now I've found myself wanting us to get back together. He's knows that because I told him, he says he wants the same and can't escape thinking about me but there's no effort from him to try and come back. He's continuing on with the gf and then treating me a bit like the ow.
Why is he doing this? If he regrets leaving as he says then why not come home when he knows from my end I'd likely welcome him back.
I'm not sure what to make of it all. He's also been going through a bit of a crap time with his family and I've been listening to him and giving him advice/support, he's not in a good head space but I've been helping him out however I can by listening and letting him vent. When I say to him why don't you just come home he says incase we fall back into old ways and become distant again and how he is afraid of feeling how he did before he left me. Says that's what is holding him back from coming running my direction but I'm not sure if it's just an excuse.
I obviously can't compare to the new gf she's beautiful, successful and he has been welcomed in by her family so I think he's actually afraid to leave one thing for another incase one goes sour and he fucks up the other connection.
It's hurtful as we are married 15 years and he knows I would rekindle our marriage again, I miss him a lot, I've been so lonely. I feel like I'm being breadcrumbed and turned into the "ow" when I'm actually married to him.
I'm not sure why he declares all these things to me and then when I offer him a place back in his home he has an excuse about being afraid I will hurt him or let him down again.
I do enjoy speaking to him but I realise it's getting to the stage I'm getting really upset because I'm invested in putting our marriage together again but from the sounds of it he's going to continue on in the other relationship but still wants to keep a connection with me as he says "because we don't know what the future holds and I still love you and you are on my mind every single day"
If that's true and the person you're saying it to is saying OK let's give this a go, would you not jump at that chance if it's what you actually wanted?
So am I just getting used here??
Or what do I need to do for him to make his bloody mind up?? I did do no contact at the start with him but since that has been broke and I've got to the point I love hearing from him I'm afraid to go no contact again as I would like to save my marriage and stupidly feel if I go no contact again he'll see it as I'm pushing him away.
please don't be harsh with me I do realise I'm probably a massive mug here but if I could rekindle with him, I would. I'm just unsure if I'm being breadcrumbed or if he does genuinely feel this way but honestly afraid of things going bad between us. I feel like he will drag this out for more months and I'll never get over him because I'm hooked on hoping he'll come back