How to share bills. Mum of 1 my house. Bf moving in and shared pup.

[Pripri84]

I'm a mum of one 11 year old. I own my own home. My bf of 2 years has recently moved in and we have a new puppy together. I know we should have sorted finances before, but we didn't. At the moment we are splitting puppy costs as and when, no set agreement, and also will take turns food shopping. Its all very ad hoc. But we haven't talked about how to share things like utilities or wear and tear/repair to the house from puppy (a big dog who likes to chew). Any advice is appreciated!

Arrgh all this should have been discussed before he moved in.

So was he paying rent and bills previously? How much rent?

50:50 on rent utilities and puppy care/damage.
60:40 food bills.

It's hard when you own your own home outright and no mortgage.
Maybe make a list of outgoings and sit down and show him and work it out from there. Is he willing to contribute to your child etc? Do you get maintenance?

Puppy cost and damage 50/50

food and utilities 50/50 yes there’s 2 of you and one of him but not rent

I wouldn’t take any from of rent or anything like that it’s not costing you anything to have him there
why jeopardise your financial security and sole ownership of your home for a few hundred pounds a month and let him potentially have a claim on your house by making a contribution

and those saying charge official rent that has tax implications and liabilities as LL by doing that

Ooooooh you’re in dodgy territory here. I think most people will say you need to protect yourself against any financial interest he could ultimately take from your house

you should really get a proper tenancy agreement set up and passed through a solicitor. If hes legally a tenant then he can’t really came after a financial claim to the house down the line (if you split)

in the meantime a 50/50 split with utilities feels fair., same with council tax. With regards to food shopping, obvs he doesn’t have to contribute towards food specifically for your child so just maybe try and work out your child eats about £x of food a week and deduct that from the weekly shop.

he defo should be contributing rent in some shape or form (although that is really where you should have a legal rental doc in place)

If he is living there rent-free and quibbles about splitting all bills 50:50 I'd have him out of the house by the end of that day.

I would split hills and food 50/50. I wouldn’t charge him rent because you will already be saving money from utilities as I doubt he will double the cost of your bills and if you are 50/50 he is effectively covering costs with your son. I’d setup a joint account for ease of admin as well and then bills can come out of that

50/50 on bills and the puppy, he pays 1/3 of food bill. I wouldn’t let him spend any money on the property whatsoever, he could potentially register an interest if you separate further on down the line.

If he’s legally a tenant and they split up then that is one very difficult situation as he won’t have to leave without OP going through the very costly eviction process.

OP should instead look at a cohabitation agreement. https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/unmarried-couples/cohabitation-agreements/

This will protect both of their interests, as well as set out what will happen should the relationship bread down - eg when he has to move out.

66% - 33% on everything (apart from council tax, that should be 50 - 50, as 11 yo isn't liable and you have lost your 25% discount). An 11 yo is almost adult sized, wears things out as much, needs as much electricity broadband food etc as an adult. 50-50 on dog stuff. Have the discussion now and get it sorted. I hope you don't get the reply I got many years ago from the cocklodger who moved in with me and my children when after 2 months I said we needed to talk about what contribution he was going to make to the household. He said with surprise "It doesn't cost you anything to have me here".

50/50 on everything but your child his not his child so I would leave it up to him if he contributed anything towards your child if he doesn't agree to this then I certainly would be telling him to move out with or without the new puppy

I'd split all utility bills so gas, electricity and metres water use, council tax as you will no longer get a single person discount, and food 50/50. I'd not let him contribute to your house insurance, maintenance of your house or engage in any repairs as then he could make a future claim. I'd tell him he could pay for the puppy insurance and any vaccinations vet bills. Pet food can be bought with food shopping so 50/50. Tell him you will take care of house insurance and maintenance/repairs.

50:50 as he is saving by not paying and rent.

Have you got a longer term plan? Does he usually own or rent? When my DP moved in I had just got rid of a lodger so he paid the same as the previous lodger. But he owned his own home elsewhere. In the past I lived with a boyfriend who owned a home and I just paid towards bills and put what I would have spend on rent in a savings account to save up my half of a future deposit.

Have you lost benefits etc from him moving in? You shouldn’t be financially worse off.
Has he got savings, where was he living before he moved in?

I would say 2 years is too early but if he's paying his share it should be OK. Have you lost the council tax single person discount, he should be covering this.

For puppy chewing - it's a totally normal urge but you need to provide plenty of "legal" chews & direct them away from furnishings, skirting etc - lots of supervision or gates to keep them away from irresistible items when unsupervised. Pizzle sticks are brilliant, & AwkwardPup also liked a Yakkers & a coffee wood stick.

For teething, we cut an old teatowel into strips, plaited it, soaked in water and froze it. Worked really well (supervised use only as you don't want them swallowing any). A frozen kong stuffed with wet food or pure peanut butter works well too.

Thank you everyone! Yes he had his own place, a flat, which he owns outright and is now going to rent. I know he didn't pay a lot for utilities and food as a single person. And used his mobile phone hotspot for Internet etc whereas here I have broadband. However he did have maintenance fees and council tax etc. Just to clarify I have a mortgage, not owned outright. I am a bit twitchy about damage as I renovated the house when I moved in and now have no savings, only equity in the house. So when skirting board gets chewed I'm thinking well that's my hard work undone plus I have to pay for repair after I've spent all my savings doing the house already.... I hadn't thought about future claims on the house..

maybe caringcarer's suggestion of 50/50 bills but I do house bills and he does puppy bills is a safe way to go...

Answering other questions... (sorry its clunky to scroll on my phone to see the names again xx)
I don't expect any support with my child, or like my personal costs i.e. car or phone.
And no I don't get any support from child's father, no contact etc.. that's another story! :/

Half mortgage and bills 60/40 food before moving in. If no mortgage 50/50 everything- still a good deal for him compared to paying rent.

Also thank you for advice re: tenancy agreement. It feels a bit scary and formal for now. But maybe something to think about after this initial conversation? X

Also no benefits lost only council tax discount x

He definitely needs to contribute some sort of rent, he is renting out his flat that is owned outright so that will be a 2nd income for him so with 2 incomes he can’t expect to pay nothing (not saying he does expect that). Do you both earn similar amounts? What about 60/40 that’s everything all in

Don't have him pay half the mortgage. Disregard the mortgage for working out costs. If he's going to be rent his flat out (earning money from it and growing the asset) and not contributing to food or bills he's verging on becoming one of those cocklodger people.

Are you seriously saying you're going to let him live there without paying for any bills except the dog and at the same time he'll be getting rent from his place? Is that's what you're saying, you really need to have a good long think about things.

And if he accepted that, then again, you need to think about whether he's a decent man.

If he is living there rent-free and quibbles about splitting all bills 50:50 I'd have him out of the house by the end of that day.

Yea, me too. He sounds like the proverbial cocklodger.

Why the fuck did you not have these essential conversations before moving him in?!
Did you even ask your 11-year-old daughter's opinion? You've basically phoisted a strange man into her household. Not great when puberty is at the door for her.

I'm a solo mum of an adult son. No way would I have ever moved a man in.
He actually told me during a chat recently how grateful he was about that.

It's possible to have a relationship without compromising your own independence and family home.