What would you do? (teenagers)

[Sunsetfruithappy]

I really need some advice, I'm so upset.
My DS is 16 and his girlfriend has just had her 15th birthday. As part of her birthday present, her dad is taking her away this half term. My son is invited. I have just found out he has booked them a twin room wtf? I have not been consulted and I'm really not happy. I do not want to facilitate them sleeping in the same room. She is underage and it is encouraging a relationship which i think is too intense at this age. This has now caused arguments. Yes I know things happen, of course and I want them both to be safe, but I am not allowing my DS to sleep in the same room as a 15 year. I don't know her family. I do know her mum passed away and the dad's girlfriend is going. I feel her dad has been unreasonable encouraging this. What would you do?

Not let my child go. Sorry. But you are right she is underage. If she gets pregnant then your son can be prosecuted. It puts him in a vulnerable position in so many other ways too.

Wouldn’t let him go on the trip at all since bis GF’s dad has shown such poor judgement. Even if the dad books 2 rooms I’d not trust him (the dad) at all.

DS can be annoyed if he likes.

Would speak to him about sex, the age difference and legalities, contraception etc.

Wouldn’t emphasise your opinions about it being ‘too intense’.

You need to talk to.the dad and be very honest. Say you will not allow him tp share a room, they are underage. It really is that simple.

Silly man.

Encouraging underage sex is pretty much asking for a teen pregnancy. Is that what he wants for his daughter?

Besides, it puts pressure on them when they are very young.

My son does not want me to contact her dad? I am certainly not going to at the moment as my emotions are running high. My son feels I'm being unreasonable and ruining things for him. I have offered for us to go to a nearby place so he can spend time with them during the day. I'll go off on my own, but it is an outright no from him.

You aren’t ruining things for him though, and she might be really glad.

you have to step up here.

@Loopytiles exactly regarding the poor judgement from her father. I can't believe he would facilitate this.

that’s a silly idea to spend your time and money seeking compromise. You didn’t cause this issue. Just say no to DS going. He and his GF are too young for that kind of trip together.

no need for you to speak to the dad about it.

I agree with @Loopytiles don't try to work out a half way house as that will not end well.

I understand what you are saying, however I'd was planning a trip half term anyway and it is a place I go to often, so wouldn't be too much out of my way @Loopytiles. It has only just come to light amd notions running high, once I've calmed down I'll think about it more objectively. It was just an idea I thought of, but you're probably right

Of course your son doesn't want you to contact him, he feels like he's struck gold. but you're his parent and you need to.

No way would I allow him to go now, even with the promise of separate rooms. I wouldn't let him go away with people I didn't know anyway, but especially not now.

@Sunsetfruithappy you have come up with a fab compromise. If your son can't accept that then that's his issue. Well done on your parenting. (Makes a note to remember this....my eldest is 16 so yet to navigate partner issues....but remembering what I was like when my mum gave me outright No, I need suggestions like yours.)

@sorrynotathome ok..clearly that was a bad idea! thanks for opinions, I'm taking them on board

I wouldn't be allowing that either.

Honestly, I’d have a serious talk with him about the risk of pregnancy and the legalities of him having underage sex with her and what the consequences could be for him if things go wrong and she reports him, ie he could end up with a criminal record for sex offences that will follow him through life and let him go. If they’re going to do it, they’ll do it anywhere and he needs to understand that he’s responsible for any consequences.

Not a bad idea at all. A great idea. Yoy get the nights away in a hotel.....but as you don't have to entertain teen during the day you can please yourself. (Go to the exhibition you want to see, take the walk you enjoy, go to the cinema etc etc Sounds like a win!!)

@Mumdiva99 thanks. I hadn't thought it through properly, I was trying to be supportive of him and like I said, I go to this place often. I'm a single parent and often go on solo trips here and have taken my son too.

I'm.just so annoyed the girlfriends dad hasn't consulted me.

@Mumdiva99 that was my plan!

The fact it is an outright no from my son, speaks volumes....

Your 16 year old was dating a 14 year old? That's a whole world of nope.

"I'm.just so annoyed the girlfriends dad hasn't consulted me."

Absolutely- it would be the nice thing to do. But not all parents share the same values and approach.

You've laid out a compromise- now leave it to your son to decide if he wants to go on your terms or not at all.

@

@Ginandjuice57884 he is year 11, she is year 10. He has just turned 16 and she has just turned 15

@Random30 stepping up is exactly what I will be doing. More than anything I wish I could feel calmer. Its caused a huge unnecessary argument between my son and I. This weekend was supposed to be a celebration for me and I'm not considered at all by my DS.

Very poor judgement from the father.
He's turning a blind eye to the obvious so he can share with his girlfriend.
Could you offer to pay for your sons own room?
I suspect he might not use it though!
There was a case here locally where a 16 or 17 year old was prosecuted for sleeping with a 15 year old. He made the front page of the local press and was put on the sex offenders register.

It would be a no from me and I wouldn't be allowing him to go to the girlfriends house either. The dad has poor judgement and is probably seeing this as a great way to spend time with his girlfriend while his daughter is occupied.

@Singleaftermarriage I cannot believe he would compromise his daughter like this. With her own mother passing away, I feel even more responsibility towards her. I've no idea who he is bit feel so angry he would use my.son in this way.. (if that's the case)
I found a 'love letter' from the girlfriend to my DS. I of course didn't read it, although wondered what it was and read the first line. It didn't feel right to read anymore. However, the first line was how much she loves and appreciates my son.

I was vulnerable at her age and would have wanted someone to look out for me.