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Original poster

What would you do? (teenagers)

38 replies

Sunsetfruithappy · 27/01/2024 07:14

I really need some advice, I'm so upset.
My DS is 16 and his girlfriend has just had her 15th birthday. As part of her birthday present, her dad is taking her away this half term. My son is invited. I have just found out he has booked them a twin room wtf? I have not been consulted and I'm really not happy. I do not want to facilitate them sleeping in the same room. She is underage and it is encouraging a relationship which i think is too intense at this age. This has now caused arguments. Yes I know things happen, of course and I want them both to be safe, but I am not allowing my DS to sleep in the same room as a 15 year. I don't know her family. I do know her mum passed away and the dad's girlfriend is going. I feel her dad has been unreasonable encouraging this. What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunsetfruithappy · 27/01/2024 08:29

@Aubree17 like someone else said upthread, I don't feel I can trust the father suggesting this to my son now. I doubt a separate room would help, like you say.

I think the only options are

  1. Its a no
  2. I'm being very considerate to offer to take him for a night to said place, he stats with me and gets to spend daytime with them. I go off on my own

However, I think I would find it hard to not express my concerns to the father and wouldn't want to cause conflict fir his daughters birthday trip

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 27/01/2024 08:34

It would be a no from me too. The offer of staying nearby so they can spend the days together is a good one, but that's as far as I would compromise. Otherwise it's a hard no.

No wonder you are divorced. Your ex is an idiot who would put his ds' future at risk for the price of an extra room.

Original poster
Sunsetfruithappy · 27/01/2024 08:42

@Meadowfinch I need to speak to my ex when things are calmer. We are amicable and he is reasonable and I'm sure he'll agree.

It is the girlfriends dad who has arranged this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunsetfruithappy · 27/01/2024 08:44

If through girlfriends dad had consulted me and arranged separate rooms then at least I'd feel another adult was on side. I don't trust my DS in their company or the influences they may have now. We clearly have different values

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 27/01/2024 08:47

What a silly, irresponsible man!
I'd be clear with your son. He either stays overnight with you and he can spend daytime with girlfriend, or it's a no. No other options. Take it or leave it.

Original poster
Sunsetfruithappy · 27/01/2024 08:50

@rainbowstardrops exactly. Although, the way I feel right now I'm beginning to feel not to accommodate anything! but I do want to be supportive of my DS.

The poor girl, she is clearly 'in love' I can tell the way she looks at him. They are quite giggly. I just see a young vulnerable girl who has lost her mum in the last few years 😔

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 27/01/2024 09:16

You’ve been MORE than kind with your offer, your DS has been churlish, wouldn’t be accommodating his wishes!

CountFucula · 27/01/2024 09:23

I would try to meet the girls dad and explain. Getting him on board will serve you better in the long term so my aim would be to present a united front with him.
You are doing the right thing for his daughter.

Channellingsophistication · 27/01/2024 10:44

I have a DS the same age and I wouldn’t let him go either as planned and would give him those 2 options. He either doesn’t go or he stays with you and goes off with them for the day. I think it’s a great compromise and gives you some time away too.

Very irresponsible of that girls dad. Imagine if she got pregnant and then it was found out that they shared a room together!!

MoonWoman69 · 27/01/2024 11:05

Sorry HRTFT, but even if the dad did get them seperate rooms, there's no saying either of them wouldn't sneak to the others room. I think you need to stand firm. He doesn't appear to be a very responsible father does he?! And I'd have thought his partner would have had something to say about all this, unless she's this lax too? Or doesn't feel it's her place to interfere? I'd certainly be interfering in this case, appreciated or not!

Michellebops · 27/01/2024 11:12

All I get from this is you seriously don't trust your son or his gf.

I would let them go, it's very unlikely they'll have sex or even want to.

Not every underage teen wants to have sex.

Have the chat by all means and remind the age of consent and put the fear or prison into him.

Original poster
Sunsetfruithappy · 27/01/2024 11:23

@Michellebops I disagree with you. Its not appropriate for kids their age to be sharing a room.

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 27/01/2024 11:27

Your DS has probably told the girl's Dad that you know all about the trip and are happy for them to share, that's why he doesn't want you to talk to her Dad, so make a call to him and find out.
If the poor girl's lost her DM she's vunerable, she needs protecting just as much as your boy. Yes, your DS will be upset but better now than when he's a very young Dad or on the sex offenders list

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