Too much for a second date ?

[Holibobby]

I went on a second date last night with really nice guy. He asked me to stay over I initially said no and he said I just want to spend the night with you I don’t want to sleep with you because I like you. I didn’t believe him but he meant it which was refreshing.

The date went well, lots of conversation and laughing and I do feel attracted to him. However, it felt very ‘relationshipy’ I don’t know whether this is because I’ve been properly single nearly 4 years and just been with shitty men in situationships, and I don’t know what to expect.

But he held my hand constantly which made me feel a little weird, then he had his hand on my leg while time, again it felt a bit much. I do like the guy and I did stay over - we didn’t sleep together but he was attached to me all night, forehead kisses. I guess I felt a little suffocated. He does seem genuinely just really interested in me so I don’t think there’s any love bombing etc. but is this normal for a second date?

@Watchkeys im not quite sure what you mean?

@Watchkeys it’s not that simple. Attachment issues stem from a young age and need a psycotherapy to overcome.

I'm aware of that @Rania78. I'm asking op a question so that she can ask herself, not because I don't know the answer. Not all attachment issues need a psychotherapist to sort out. Mine didn't. Don't be telling people what they 'need'.

If you have attachment issues, and they make you feel uncomfortable about something, what do you think is the best thing for you to do about the 'something'? Keep doing it, despite your discomfort, or something else? What else could you do? What other options are there?

@Rania78 it's not great to say that attachment issues need to be 'overcome', either. The ideal end result isn't to overcome anything, it's to understand and respect yourself.

Can’t I would hate someone purposely touching my face (aka not asleep and rolling into my face) in any way shape or form when I was sleeping would give me the absolute ick…no matter how long we had been together I would have spent lest time for attempt murder than my current relationship and would still be WTF are you doing 😐

@Watchkeys I guess it’s being more vocal about what I want and setting boundaries (something which I’ve never been able to do)

Eurgh. My vagina just closed up reading that

A good test for a man is to say no or not yet and see if he actually listens , if he doesn't then he'll be a shit or abusive boyfriend so get rid

He sounds very controlling and very needy.

Why did you let him put his hand on your leg, let alone stay the night. You don’t know him!?

Don’t ever be scared to stand up for yourself and stop people pleasing.

This ^
You are being reeled in?
What’s with the forehead kissing?
Yuk!!

What is it about this that you have trouble with? (This is a bigger question than the current issue you've posted about, so I understand if you don't want to talk about it. You might be able to crack a big 'relationship nut' here, though, that'll stop you being affected by your past so much)

A different way of asking the same question is 'How do you feel you should be setting boundaries, and how far do you get through the process before you start having trouble?'

Why not put his hand on her leg? If someone is dating, there will be some form of physical attention.

Again, it people are not mind readers, I dont like my balls played with. By GF did that early on and I felt uncomfortable. I said I dont like that and she didnt do it again. Not a problem at all.

@Watchkeys Setting boundaries doesn’t become apparent until we realise we are uncomfortable with something. So I think it’s more a case of what feels uncomfortable for me. I don’t think there is any hard and fast rule and it might not even come up in conversation. But I guess it’s the uncomfortableness of it

Listen to your gut, if you didn’t like it, you didn’t like it for a reason.

I don’t think there is any hard and fast rule and it might not even come up in conversation

This is passive, isn't it? If there's something you need to say, why does 'what comes up in conversation' matter? Why not raise it in conversation? What would stop you doing that? You've posted on here, so you know you were uncomfortable. You could raise the issue at that point, tell him how you feel, see how he responds?

@Watchkeys Yeah I don’t need to be so passive, thank you for your advice