Eccentric/ASD mum

[Tiredboymum22]

Did anyone else grow up with neurodivergent or eccentric parents?

I’m interested in other people’s experiences growing up and whether it was anything like my childhood?

Dad almost certainly autistic, only effects 1) all family holidays involved visiting a steam railway and 2) delayed diagnosis further down the tree because "that's all normal, I was like that".

You've not said what your childhood was like

All Dads want to visit steam railways on holiday. Honestly, they do.

Nothing unusual in that.

My mum is probably autistic. I definitely am.

It's kind of a bit hard to answer your question because i don't know any different. My mum has a habit of putting her foot in and asking pointless/embassinf/overly personal questions.

For example the other day she asked a waitress if her very long hair extensions make her hot. She kept on muttering to me about how her hair looked like a black coat. It doesn't seem to cross her mind that she might upset people. I don't think she can put herself in other people's shoes. I am tbe opposite.

She is also ambidextrous. I don't know if this an ASD trait but it is cool.

Absolutely! Mine did, and even my ex has reached that stage in his life 😂

I love a steam railway myself to be fair🤣

Yes. Very ND family including grandparents. I thought it was normal because it was our normal. I have discovered we are quite strange when compared to other families. We accept each other and our quirks.

When I was growing up we were not allowed to have the car stop on a journey so we could stretch our legs or use the loo. My father had timed journeys and we would be exactly on time for the travel.

My father would also only travel long distance at night to avoid the need to stop the car. I'm talking 6 hours plus. He'd wait until we were asleep then lift us from our bed into the car and drive through the night. He didn't cope well with the disruption children bring to adult lives.
I remember feeling very emotional the first time I stopped at a motorway services and was able to use the loo and get a drink. I was travelling with friends and was 15.

...and to be honest, because I've got such good memories of holidays and steam trains, I'm even starting to associate them with fun times and happiness myself! 😱😬🤪

I think both my parents are neurodivergent, my Dad has the previously mentioned love of steam railways. However my mum was more difficult in some ways, she was very active in local politics, to the extent that it became her sole topic of conversation. I remember she was angry because a possible induction date for my son , clashed with her town twinning trip ! Sad to say we have a dreadful relationship.

@Hermittrismegistus My mum had very rigid rules and found it hard to move with the times.

We had the same tiny box TV for years. Long after widescreen TVs were in every home (had nothing to do with money). I didn’t mind but I remember my dad coming home with a widescreen TV he was given by a customer as a thanks for fixing something. She had a meltdown and said she didn’t want it in the house, etc. Eventually she caved but only because we all wanted it. The old TV is still in the spare room.

Same with her mobile phone. She had an old brick and carried her massive address book from home in her handbag. People found it hilarious but she didn’t care (and why not).

I genuinely think she has a form of orthorexia as she was obsessed with food. If we had colds, she’d blame it on food we ate at birthday parties, etc. Like if I had a cold, she’d blame it on me eating pizza at a party. I didn’t feel like I could go into the kitchen and help myself to a snack without her looking over my shoulder. She used to dread Christmases and birthdays because she convinced herself we’d get ill. I felt jealous of friends who could just walk into their kitchen and make themselves food without drama. When I was a teenager and had friends over, she made us toddler like snacks (toast cut into tiny squares) and they’d laugh.

House was a total mess

Talked very loudly in public and on the phone. People would stare.

If I sprayed perfume or deodorant, she’d make exaggerated gagging noises and said she couldn’t breathe.

Easily got overwhelmed with the TV being on.

We HAD to sit in our designated seats on the dinner table. I once sat on my sister’s chair to see what she’d do and she had a meltdown (my sister didn’t care).

Checks the weather forecast religiously and thinks it’s strange I don’t.

Just a few examples…

I know sometimes there is a back story but some of these quirks do make me giggle.
I don't think my mum is ND but has MH problems and became a cat lady. Then life revolved round cats. And still does.

I'm autistic and dyspraxic. It's sad reading this. I dread to think what my children will think about their childhoods😢

@BlackWitchyCat im so sorry, that’s not my intention. If it’s any consolation, I have adhd and forgot world book day last year and regularly misplace stuff. I hope my son doesn’t end up with some sort of trauma.

Oh no I know your post is about the kids view it's fine.

I’m autistic and I think I might be embarrassing.
I sing a lot (and apparently I am not a good singer!!) and I don’t care about my appearance. I know these things are odd but I genuinely can’t wrap my head around why I should wear clothes that are less comfortable because other people prefer to look at them!
I open my mouth and words fall out and people get upset but often I really don’t know why.
But I am loving and kind, generous to a fault, funny, I cook well, I am organised etc.. My DD knows I am ASD and as the wider family are all a bit odd I hope she sees that my good bits outweigh my singing in the Tesco cheese aisle!

Fairly sure my mother was. Fuck but she was awful to live with, as in retrospect she used all her social energy on everyone else and had none left for her family. She alternated between avoiding us and being angry with us for our errors.

I am as well. I am constantly on the lookout for when I fall into my mothers shit behaviour patterns, and make an active effort to spend positive time with my children rather than only speaking to them to criticise.

Ds2 is as well. This is good for both of us ad we have both had to learn flexibility!

@SpringleDingle aw good for you! You’ve highlighted some of the best qualities about my mum (generous to a fault, amazing cook). My issues were when she would overly control us and her environment to manage her mental health and because she didn’t like change. But this was in the nineties/naughties and there was less awareness.

My dad was borderline OCD cleanliness. I struggled hugely with it in his home. He was also set that the way they did things at his was the right way. (Divorced parents) I can recall being told I simply had to learn to do it right. (I wasn't holding the knife right apparently.. I'm 53 I still hold it "wrong")

When his 2nd wife decided I was too difficult age 12.. (aka I questioned why her golden child had privileges I didn't get) he cut visiting down to 1 dinner a month. My sister to this day doesn't understand why I don't have a close bond w him... well you reep what you sow.
Mum..loud.. didnt care.. opinionated..expected you to toe her line (very different to dad) easilly angered. With her I dont know for sure if she was on the spectrum or if that was the result of her upbringing. I suspect she was autistic though.

I can see as an adult I was loved but as a child I didn't feel it and felt the scapegoat

I just don't think my parents should have had more than 1 child..

Both sister and brother are on the autistic spectrum so doesn't get why I struggle to speak of my rather f..ed up childhood as "you just get over it"

I have ADHD and my husband and I always say that the kids are going to grow up and look back and think I was mental 😂

I’m “odd” and dyspraxic. At least 2 of my children are autistic (diagnosed) and all of them have adhd. I doubt your children will look back on their childhood in horror. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and autism doesn’t make us any less capable as parents. My boys are 15, 19’and 22 and we have good relationships with all of them.

@Tiredboymum22 , my mum does exactly the same thing with the phone and address book !

@LoveSandbanks I don't necessarily think it's my autism I think it's a mix of my anxiety, personality and circumstances really.

My mum had an odd food thig, i got really bad tonsilitis but she'd connect my bouts of it to eating those love heart sweets or the ones that were made to look like a necklace. I was I think quite sickly and run down generally and lived in a house where there were a lot of arguments and some domestic violence so sleep was hard sometimes, I think it was that not the love hearts. Also had an obsession with being different than everyone else, dress, hair etc which as a teenager is not good as most teenagers want to be the same.

@BlackWitchyCat You already sound aware of potential pitfalls - that's a big green flag. None one is the perfect mum/dad but I am positive you will be a great mum if and when you want to be.

I strongly suspect I have ADHD, and did have a slight mental health blip when DS was a small baby but got through it and have a lovely bond with DS.

He has many, many SpLDs going on but is unfailingly kind and cheerful and loving. I have zero worries about if/when he becomes a parent. I think he'll do a smashing job.

He is only 14 so it will be a while yet and there are lots of strategies you can learn to be a good parent. The main things are love and cuddles, making sandwiches the night before, keeping an organised calendar and turning up (on time if you can, I am still working on that one). Reading to them is also in my top 10.

I'm getting increasingly obsessed with steam trains. I assumed my dad (who is quite a nerd) would share my love, but I was suprised recently to find that he thinks they are rubbish. Rather disappointed. All holidays when I was growing up did involve a visit to a hill fort/castle/historical building. Or climbing up a mountain. Happy memories. Hopefully my children will forgive me for inflicting the same things on them.