My boyfriend seems uncomfortable with my friendship with his brother’s girlfriend

[Thequaintone]

I should start this by saying my boyfriend (32 M) hasn’t explicitly said anything that confirms my (31 F) suspicions but every time I mention having plans with his brother’s girlfriend (F30) he seems uncomfortable and has even said on one occasion that if we broke up he has “the power” to stop me from seeing her and the child she shares with his brother.

She recently had a baby and came home from the hospital. Myself and my boyfriend have had our own personal issues recently which meant that he went to visit them without me and we haven’t discussed visiting them together yet. In conversation, I planned to visit the new mum and baby by myself. I mentioned to my boyfriend that I would be visiting new mum and baby soon and his response almost confirmed to me that he wasn’t happy about this.

Am I missing something here? Am I in the wrong for planning to see them by myself? On occasions I’ve wondered whether my friendship with her might be overstepping boundaries in my relationship with my boyfriend since I got to know her through my boyfriend and his family. I get on really well with her, we have a lot of shared interests and have a similar energy so I’ve felt like we just naturally gravitated towards each other.

I’d love some advise from people who aren’t in my immediate circle of friends and family. Please be honest but kind in your responses

Yeah he's weird. My parents were married for 20 years and my mum was best friends with my dad's sister. When my parents divorced, she was still best friends with my dad's sister. Even though it was a horrible divorce. He sounds controlling 🚩🚩🚩

If you'd been together for 4 weeks, and he was a bit "jeez leave my brother's girlfriend and baby alone, we are barely dating" then I could see where he's coming from.

You've been together 4yrs. This is really odd on his behalf.

Absolutely agree that the power comment was out of line BUT
If he is trying to keep you away from his family, that's not necessarily anything shady. Or at least not on his part. I keep people well away from my family because there's a whole mess of alcoholism & abuse.

When did you first meet his brothers gf?

There is a reason he doesn't want you getting too pally with her. I Suspect its because she may tell you something he doesn't want you to know. But perhaps something she isn't aware shouldn't be said.

I'd be suspecting an overlap. As in he was seeing someone, perhaps while seeing you right at the beginning and she met/knew this previous gf but wasn't aware he was also dating you. So may inadvertantly say something which gives the overlap dates away. Like, 'when we went to that BBQ with X, the august before you guys got together.' And then you realise that actually you got together in June.....

I massively overthink things though, but that would be my first thought. She has info she doesn't know she has, which may come out at some point in the future. Could be anything though, not necessarily an overlap situation.

in all honesty it sounds like he doesnt actually want to be with you and he knows he will be leaving you eventually and doesnt want you having like a way back into his life through a friendship with her

Yeah I think we're all feeling the same vibe, like:

"What the hell does that mean?"

It's a bizarre reaction

He sounds a little contolling. You have the right to be friends with whoever you want.

I was really good friends with the sister of an boyfriend I was with for four years. We split up, his sister and I stayed friends and she was chief bridesmaid at my wedding. The fact that her brother is my ex has never had any affect on our friendship!

My concern is that you're his bit on the side and she knows his wife/girlfriend.