This is my first post and I'm reaching out for advice to other parents/parents to be to try to find out if this is normal and if so how other people have dealt with it. Forgive me if I waffle as there is so much pent up frustration as I've been hiding a lot from my friends and family from fear of them thinking the worst of him.
Since getting pregnant (after both of us wanting a child for a long time) rows have been cropping up more and more with my partner.
For background, He has a lot of fears around pregnancy (after miscarriages with previous partners) and around father's (lack of) rights, which he refuses to talk about and I suspect are at the root of lots of the fights.
I've tried to continually reassure him about both, even signing an agreement he drew up basically saying I would never stop him from seeing our child and would always put baby's well being first. Nothing I have done has lead him to think the contrary.
He is losing his temper more and more, and when any argument arises is getting more and more derogatory and insulting. He throws things in my face I thought we had resolved and keeps going back to this idea that I have some grand Machiavellian scheme to keep our child from him.
Often the argument starts from something really small and his reaction is totally disproportionate.
For example, recently he's had friends over on a Saturday night who have crashed on the sofa after a late one, with both of them sleeping in until late afternoon the next day. When he mentioned a friend would be staying over again recently I asked if if would be possible this time for his mate not to stay as I would really like to be able to relax at home and not have to creep around in the morning whilst they both slept in. I'm 8 months pregnant now, and really suffering from lack of sleep and am exhausted at the end of the day after work.
He went ballistic at me that I had 'the audacity' to ask this and spiralled into calling me all sorts of names and bringing up so many things that had nothing to do with the original request.
When I ask him to calm down, or to not talk to me like that he refused and says I deserve it.
I've tried so many approaches from standing up for myself, taking time outs, trying to explain why his reactions hurt me...but nothing seems to work.
We have amazing times together, and some of our talks, when he's calm, have felt really productive - but he still keeps blowing up in such a nasty way, very often.
I want to make this work, for the good of our baby, as I know he will be a fantastic father and when things are good they are brilliant...but I am at a loss as how to deal with this and avoid this hurtful behaviour.
Any advice greatly appreciated and apologies for such a long post.