Would you go back to his on second date?

[Holibobby]

Met a guy Saturday that I’ve been chatting to from OLD. drank a little too much wine and had to cut the date short as I didn’t feel too great! Not good first impressions but he seems keen still! We’ve arranged cinema date this week and he’s said I’m welcome to stay over as my work the next day is close to his house.

But I’m unsure, seems like a really great guy but is it too soon?!! Surprised he’s asked!

@Opentooffers

Agree with those points. The first few dates are getting to know someone so for me it’s always coffee/a couple of drinks in the daytime somewhere that it’s easy to have a proper chat.

Cinema is not a good early date imo as it’s sitting in silence for several hours when they time could be better spent having a conversation.

Exactly this!

It was me who suggested cinema date, we chatted lots on first date, he suggested walk but I've got a long day in work and thought a meal first (where we can chat ) and then cinema after could be a good idea?

I have done a lot of OLD but I usually find faults

@gannett it is not a bad thing is she also wants a shag. It is a bad thing if OP is looking for something different.

@UnfortunatleyMilksGoneOff I online dated for a while and as gay women aren't so common, a lot of them were a considerable distance. The first one met me in a pub and I arranged to stay over, roughly two hour drive. First time I'd met her. If I'd have felt in any danger I'd have found a way out but again, it is so so unlikely. We had sex first date too. Risk of STIs much much lower, risk generally much much lower. I'm happy to take that very small risk. I wouldn't do it if I were straight though, not a chance in hell. Too dangerous. Just my opinion of course-I've had some bad experiences with men which may be clouding my judgment.

I met my now DP online, again two hour drive. We met halfway for a walk then talked a lot, second date we stayed in a hotel near where I live. Had sex. I just trust women so much more than men, of course there are some bad women around-but stats/news will tell anyone where the real risks are.

Thank you lots of great advice here. I will tell him
before hand that I’m not staying over and if he asks me on the date again I think that may put me off - but we’ll see if he does!

@StarlightLady

But you can no more pick out a “good man” after 10 dates than 1 date.

Obviously you can't know for certain after even 10 dates, but you are likely to have a far better idea whether he is a "good man" after 10 dates than after just 1 date!

Possibly! But for some people it takes over 10 years to discover.

After a few dates if he is not a “good man”, you move. Having sex with someone doesn’t make him more or less likely to be a good man.

My sister bedded her husband within a few hours of meeting at a mutual friend’s wedding. They have been married years.

Do whatever feels right for you.

I've been royally shat on by a man who I waited months to have sex with and in a relationship for years with one who I slept with in the second date.

I've been sexually assaulted by a man whose house I had not been to until that night - 8 dates in. I didn't 'know' anything more than I would've on the first date, otherwise I would not have gone.

Sadly you cannot know if a man is a predator or just a bit of a knob purely by waiting to go back to their house. If they're determined to fuck you over, and that's who they are, they'll wait as long as it takes.

So just use your judgement and do what feels right for you. If you're uncomfortable with sex and would regret it don't go - because if you do, he will most certainly try to have sex with you. Never in my entire dating history has 'I promise I wont try anything, you can sleep in the spare room!' turned out to be true

Tonight he's messaged asking what time im in work on Friday and I said 9am and he said staying over then probably wouldn't work!! That's good news!

No

The request alone would be enough to make me want to cancel

I know it's all resolved itself but totally putting the sex aside (your choice) I wouldn't want to sleep over at a guys house I'd just met, you have no idea what the state of the place would be like and I'd never get a decent nights sleep in a strange bed with a stranger (yes 2 dates does still make them a stranger to me).
I'd much rather go back to my own bed!

You seem in thrall of him ready.

You don't need his permission to say it's okay not to stay over. Why "good news"?

It also makes no sense. His house is near here you work, you have to be there for nine so it won't work??

Nope!
My DH asked if I wanted to crash at his after our first date and I said no as it just didn't seem like a safe thing to do.

We've been together for nearly a decade now so I guess it was ok in the end 😂

If it was a person I knew well I might but a random person from online no way on a second date. I'd want to get to know them a lot better before staying with them. It's not safe to stay overnight with a random from the internet. Just suppose he slipped the date rape drug in a glass of wine he offered you.

From OLD and if I didn't want to, no. The asking in advance is odd.

But DH was a "stranger" although he'd met a couple of friends of mine, so new to group. The night we met there was an instant click a bigger click on our first date. From our 2nd date we haven't really been apart. That was 35 years ago short of three weeks.

From OLD and if I didn't want to, no. The asking in advance is odd.

Is it? Or a hint to bring your toothbrush, work pass and any meds, so you have no reason to decline if you are up for it?