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Original poster

Would you go back to his on second date?

69 replies

Holibobby · 22/01/2024 22:26

Met a guy Saturday that I’ve been chatting to from OLD. drank a little too much wine and had to cut the date short as I didn’t feel too great! Not good first impressions but he seems keen still! We’ve arranged cinema date this week and he’s said I’m welcome to stay over as my work the next day is close to his house.

But I’m unsure, seems like a really great guy but is it too soon?!! Surprised he’s asked!

OP posts:
Lavenderandbrown · 23/01/2024 02:59

And yes he can say anything to seduce you. This has been going on for a very very long time. Will you be upset if he goes cold after spending night? If you want LTR and he wants LTR you both have plenty of time

mumtoboys12 · 23/01/2024 03:02

Do exactly what feels right for you. ❤️

coxesorangepippin · 23/01/2024 03:02

Er, no

RogueFemale · 23/01/2024 03:04

I would not 'sleep over' on a second date. Or third or fourth. That isn't to say no kissing or whatever, but full kit off stuff should only happen when you're sure the man is a good man.

StarlightLady · 23/01/2024 04:01

RogueFemale · 23/01/2024 03:04

I would not 'sleep over' on a second date. Or third or fourth. That isn't to say no kissing or whatever, but full kit off stuff should only happen when you're sure the man is a good man.

But you can no more pick out a “good man” after 10 dates than 1 date.

If the chemistry was right l would, first and foremost, make sure a friend knew my whereabouts, go to his place, if it still felt right, have sex, then go out for dinner and go home afterwards. It is all too early for the bathroom thing the next morning in my view.

There is a risk of him not being interested after sex, but the same risk is there if you wait 3 months.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 23/01/2024 04:10

RogueFemale · 23/01/2024 03:04

I would not 'sleep over' on a second date. Or third or fourth. That isn't to say no kissing or whatever, but full kit off stuff should only happen when you're sure the man is a good man.

This, unless you fancy the pants of each other of course. Just do what feels right, I'd drive so I had an excuse not to drink and have an overnight bag in my car.

gannett · 23/01/2024 07:33

Holibobby · 22/01/2024 22:26

Met a guy Saturday that I’ve been chatting to from OLD. drank a little too much wine and had to cut the date short as I didn’t feel too great! Not good first impressions but he seems keen still! We’ve arranged cinema date this week and he’s said I’m welcome to stay over as my work the next day is close to his house.

But I’m unsure, seems like a really great guy but is it too soon?!! Surprised he’s asked!

Too soon for what? There's no general rule you have to follow apart from what you want to do. If you feel it's too soon for you, then it's too soon. If you don't, it's not.

gannett · 23/01/2024 07:38

RogueFemale · 23/01/2024 03:04

I would not 'sleep over' on a second date. Or third or fourth. That isn't to say no kissing or whatever, but full kit off stuff should only happen when you're sure the man is a good man.

Why "should"?

If that's your rule, more power to you, but I'm not sure why you make the leap to saying it's a rule other women "should" follow. It's certainly not what I did, but my way (having sex as soon as I wanted to) worked for me. Not that I would recommend that as a general rule either.

Epidote · 23/01/2024 07:43

I think he is thinking right now that after the movie you will be having some wine and ta da! Shag on a silver plate.

ManchesterBea · 23/01/2024 07:47

Oh gosh no.

MissingMoominMamma · 23/01/2024 07:47

I’ve stayed at a man’s house after a date (he lived in another county) without shagging him! I just checked in advance that I’d have my own room.

Olika · 23/01/2024 07:50

I wouldn't stay from a safety point of view.

Terrribletwos · 23/01/2024 07:51

Oh god no, definitely not!

StarlightLady · 23/01/2024 08:04

Make/Female double standards are creeping in on responses here. Safety is important l agree, however sex is shared not “given to a man”. It should make you both feel good.

Indifferentchickenwings · 23/01/2024 08:13

Surprised he’s asked!

im not
he wants to get laid

but if this is too soon for you
slow it down

gannett · 23/01/2024 08:14

Epidote · 23/01/2024 07:43

I think he is thinking right now that after the movie you will be having some wine and ta da! Shag on a silver plate.

Is this meant to be a bad thing? I would hope that someone I was dating fancied me. I've certainly hoped dates will end in a shag.

ExtremelyJoyous · 23/01/2024 08:54

The responses are interesting.. there was a similar thread recently and the consensus was just go for it on the second date 🤣

Anyway, I think have sex with him if you want to! If he’s just going to drop you after, he’ll do the same thing if you have sex on the third/fourth/fifth date.

Superdupersomeone · 23/01/2024 09:14

It's up to you isn't it? Whether you want to and feel comfortable or not. Doesn't matter what others would do.

If I like a guy and it feels like there's chemistry, personally I don't 'make him wait', cos it's not about giving something to him it's about a mutually enjoyable experience.

Men can and will just as easily drop you after 5/10 dates as they will after 2 if that's their intention. Also I dont want to go on loads dates and get emotionally invested in a man only to find out much later that the sex is rubbish.

EBearhug · 23/01/2024 09:28

It's up to you. I like to have sex early on when meeting a new date, because I don't see the point of getting emotionally invested if they're crap in bed. However, I don't drink, and usually drive, so I always have the option of getting away. And the last guy I stayed over with, I had my own room. He could be an axe murderer, but he probably isn't. You have to go with your own judgement and if you have any doubts or misgivings- which you clearly do, else you'd not have posted - then don't do it. If he's worth it, he won't mind. If he kicks off, then you were right not to do it.

He might be up for a serious relationship, but until you've had a few dates, how can you know you're the ones who should be in a relationship together? I've met some great guys, but it's clear we wouldn't work together long term, for a host of reasons. You can’t always tell that on first meeting (there are some you can tell that on first meeting, and they're the ones who don't get a second date,) - sometimes it takes a few dates to get to know each other well enough to know.

UnfortunatleyMilksGoneOff · 23/01/2024 10:09

@CrapGoat I really never thought of that in terms of early dating but it makes sense. I have never dated online but my friend did and she text me to let me know she was ok after them, sad that we both felt she needed to.

I wouldn’t go back with someone that quickly but you are the one that has the gut feeling about him not us.

SpringleDingle · 23/01/2024 10:20

Too soon for me!

0906795m · 23/01/2024 10:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/01/2024 10:53

No, you know very little about him.

IDontHateRainbows · 23/01/2024 10:57

I stayed over on the second date not expecting anything further and we've been married 10 years!
I do believe if its the right person then getting jiggy too soon won't scupper things.

Opentooffers · 23/01/2024 11:05

Have you done much OLD? You really don't seem to care well about your safety and a cinema for early OLD experience is really not useful to get to know someone.
Never drink heavily on a first date, and to the point of feeling ill? - are you sure you weren't spiked? 1st meet during the day in a coffee shop or walking somewhere public.
What you are doing in a cinema is not talking, so you waste hours not interacting and finding out about each other, it's pointless.
If he is the one who has been suggesting these dates, I don't like the sound of him. You might have got lucky so far, but you really should rethink how you go about OLD.