Fed up of relationship & not being taken care of

[Wilterh93]

In need of a little rant…

me and dp have been together 8 years, 2 dc and it is an absolutely miserable relationship. I am so tired of being sad and us never being happy.

dp is quite a negative person, never happy and when he is it’s on his terms and conditions. He will find faults with absolutely everything I do, criticise everything I do and turn every day negative at some point.

this evening we have all come home, picked up food on the way back, we come in and I instantly put all of the shopping away into the cupboards, sort the kids school uniforms out, set up the kids food to eat, put more food on to cook for dp, rush around back and forth from showering the dc to checking the food in the oven to taking down wet washing and back to checking on the oven etc.

since coming home the only thing dp has done is change his clothes, eat his food and sit playing a game on the couch… and he still proceeded to add extra jobs for me to do ‘can you do this’ etc. I snapped. I was so frustrated I shouted/cried no! By this point everyone had eaten 1 hour ago and I still hadn’t eaten yet! He has now stormed off to the room and left me alone (we were supposed to watch a movie together) so I guess this is my consequence for getting upset. He knows how lonely I am, I’m always by myself with the dc so by him not watching a movie with me he knows it will upset me as we rarely spend time together.

I am so tired of being unhappy every day. I don’t understand how he can cope being miserable every day either at home. I’m so tired of always being the one left till last, the last one to eat or do anything! I never get time to do anything for myself yet he can do whatever he wants!

I should add, when we first got home and he saw that I had defrosted something particular that I was going to cook for him, he wanted to have a ‘conversation’ about it in the bedroom. He was very annoyed about this and told me how much he hates the oven being on/food being cooked when he’s home. This is something I’m aware of which is why I always cook when he’s at work. However, I had planned to cook for him something he liked (just a quick food) because on a Monday and Friday evening he always tells me to cook quick food for him. So this time I was ahead of the game, only had good intentions and was just trying to make him happy/feed him! Now he somehow doesn’t remember me ever cooking on a Monday evening when he’s told me to (convenient) and is really annoyed that I’ve taken initiative to do that. When I tried to say my part and have the conversation he told me ‘conversations done’ and walked away….

im irritated and annoyed and absolutely fed up of being treated this way

I should also add, in the car this evening he was driving me to an appointment and I accidentally gave him the wrong direction. It was a street literally around the back to where we were, not far at all. This annoyed him so much! To the point he proceeded to tell me this is a prime example of my life, how I’m always making mistakes etc etc and told me he is not going to stay with me… all because of a simple mistake.. I don’t understand, I could’ve made that mistake with any other person and no one I know would react like that.

every tiniest thing I do is a huge issue to him, he makes out that I have done something so terrible and how stupid I am etc. things that I know 100% no one else in this world would even question.

our dc had a dr appointment, whilst in the dr office he was staring at my face. I knew he was looking at my skin so I felt slightly awkward and he then whispered a negative comment/picking out something about my skin… I just can’t understand that… he should’ve been focusing on the dc dr appointment but instead he was finding a problem with my skin and even had the audacity to mention it in the room!

He sounds bloody awful! The most basic foundation of a relationship should be a good friendship and he seems to be treating you like someone he can’t stand. You deserve so much better and to be happy in life x

I suspect you have posted op because you want us to tell you that you are justified in leaving him. He's probably worn you down so much you're not sure.

You already know how you feel about this and I don't think anyone sane would blame you for calling it a day.

He’s got issues. It’s not your fault OP. Did he ever have good points?

He was very annoyed about this and told me how much he hates the oven being on/food being cooked when he’s home. This is something I’m aware of which is why I always cook when he’s at work.

Why would he get annoyed about you making food in the house while he’s there? How bizarre!

LTB, obviously though.

Goodness, he sounds horrible.

are you married?

Do you work outside the home?

BTW I've been in a relationship not quite as bad as this op but that certainly made me feel small and stupid. I do understand that the knock your confidence and self esteem takes makes it so much harder to break free but I guarantee you that you will feel so much better without constant criticism.

There's no coming back from contempt in my experience. Once they start treating you with contempt it's effectively already over because they have to place some value in you to even try.

The only one keeping you miserable is you at this point. You don't need our permission to get rid of him, but we're happy to give it if that's what gives you the push you need.

I'm actually shocked at what I've just read.

He doesn't want you to cook around him.
He purposely stares at your skin and then points out blemishes.

What a nasty bastard he is.

You really don't need this negative man around you any longer.

Oh my.....I hate to tell you this but you're in an abusive relationship. Doesn't like the oven on??? Seriously. Why are you running around and coming last, continously. He will never change, you need to make plans to leave, please contact Women's Aid.

please tell me you work and your name is on the house.

Because you need to separate. And he can cook for himself and do his bloody chores.

Stop doing everything.

Just do you and the kids.

When he has a tantrum just look at him blankly and tell him you're done making mistakes and making him unhappy, so he can fend for himself.

Start making plans to leave.

He's not worth your time and you're exposing your children to shitty relationship dynamics.

I think you already know OP that he’s a nasty controlling abusive cunt. It’s just what you do next.

You need to end this relationship as soon as possible

Honestly OP, for your and your children's sake,
get rid of this ba*rd. Sorry.

Is this the relationship you want your children to model in future? No, I thought not.

Honestly, life is too short for this shit. It doesn't sound like things are going to improve. If anything, he'll probably get more abusive as he sees he can bully you.

I know it's hard to think of leaving when you have young children but if you're doing the lions share of the work now, what are you actually going to lose? At least you'll be happier.

He’s abusive and you need to split up. Horrible man. Don’t let your kids think this is normal

You’re in an abusive relationship and your kids are witnessing it.

why on earth are you putting up with this crap - he is an absolute fucking idiot. There is no other advice except leave!

Trust me, it’s so much better sitting on your sofa alone than sharing one with a bloke like this. I wouldn’t bother trying to repair this. He’s abusive and abusive men don’t change.

As for doing everything for everyone I’m not trying to make you feel worse but you shouldn’t be modelling to your kids that Mum comes bottom of the heap, you’re a family, your value is equal to theres.

@Wilterh93 what?????? you actually lost me at "He was very annoyed about this and told me how much he hates the oven being on/food being cooked when he’s home. This is something I’m aware of which is why I always cook when he’s at work. " how the fuck does he think everyone cooks their food???? where does this rationale come from? it is utter stupidity and when (not if) he has to look after HIS kids for the weekend, then god help him feeding them if he does not like to have the oven on or cooking done when he is at home!!! get rid of the useless piece of shit!

He does all this, including the staring at your skin and the comments, to ruin your self esteem so you don't have the self worth to leave him.

It seems to be working because why on earth would you put up with this? Its a total disgrace. You're worth way, way more.

You would be far less miserable on your own than you are with him, I promise you. You are lonely, overworked, picked on and prevented from meeting other people and doing other things that could bring you joy. Your life could be so much better.
If you agree, then take time to get your head round that, to accept that your one and only life is being spoiled by him. Then make a plan and step by step move towards leaving. There's advice on here for how to do it and Citizens Advice and Womens Aid are very good too.

Well he sounds NASTY! How do you tolerate this dreadful user? Ditch this guy!

This is so much worse than not being taken care of, he isn't passive, he is actively undermining you.
You only have one live and deserve so much better. If you can't believe that yet, then think about the effect his constant whispering campaign is having on your children.

This.

He isn't unhappy, he has a domestic skivvy running around after him, who he torments all the time just for a bit of extra fun.

There is no reason to stay with this abusive bully. LTB

Stop expecting someone to 'take care of you'. You are already doing everything anyway, so kick him out, or leave, and you'll be far better off, and much happier. You will be able to dance in your kitchen with your dcs, cook whenever you want. Your dcs will be much happier too, being rid of someone so unpleasant.