Woman partner slept with 4 years ago wants paternal DNA test

[Harvestmooon]

My partner (23M) of 8 months used to have drunk sex with a woman (23F) around 4 years ago, she was also sleeping with 2 other guys at the same time. Around this time she became pregnant and then got into a relationship with one of the guys she was sleeping with, he has been raising the child as his own ever since. Although she would tell my partner there was a chance the child could be his, he did ask for a DNA test at the time but she refused.

Now 4 years later, herself and her partner have split up and now she suddenly wants a DNA test with my partner to find out if he is really the dad. I am so upset about this as we have been happy and I feel it's so unfair she is doing this now because she single and he's in a happy relationship, as she used to really like him but he wasn't interested in having a relationship with her. I am scared if he is the father that it will change everything. He wants to to do the test as he said he doesn't think the child is his and wants to get her to leave him alone.

I really don't know what to do, should I stick by him? Please could I have some advice?

Yeah, I was thinking this sounds like a load of bollocks from him. Every time I've heard of a man talking about wanting a DNA test, it's been a situation where it's patently obvious he is the father and he's just wanting to upset the mother and be a prick.

I don't know who all these women are who are having unprotected sex with several men within days of each other - they are certainly getting a lot more action than I've ever dreamed of - that is, those of them who exist outside of the imaginations of men demanding paternity tests.

Anyway, think of the child and don't get caught up in all this he-said-she-said nonsense. One or both of them is being ridiculous and one can only hope they grow up for the sake of this child.

Hi OP, there's a lot of projection of bad experiences on this thread onto a 19 year old. The child was raised with a father for 4 years - irrespective of whether it was biological or not - another man fed, changed, did bedtimes etc for this child. It would have been bonkers and unrealistic for a 19 year to disrupt this child's peace by dragging the mum and the dad (at the time) through a court case demanding a DNA test when he was told he wasn't the dad.

All blame here lies with the mother - if you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to get a DNA test and not cause havoc for your child by raising him saying one man is the father (and letting them grow a bond for FOUR years), then saying another man could be be. Your bf seems like a mature and decent man, so yes doing the paternity test is the right thing. However, this is your life too - and if your bf is the father, I would leave him. Because his ex sounds immature and manipulative enough where paternity is leveraged to gain relationships - first with the ex, now with your bf - and at 23 you don't want to be dealing with this drama. I feel sorry for the child but it's not yours, and you need to do what's best for you.

Decide after the DNA test results.

How? A man can't demand a DNA test.

Yes test absolutely should be done. Shame it wasn’t done years ago. Sad story.

The mother is mostly to blame here. She presumably didnt add your bf to the birth certificate and presumably added her then partner to it and was gettingfinancial support him.

Most likely she told he was the father and didn't want to rock the boat but getting DNS test and finding out otherwise and didn't care who the real father was.

Now as others have said the other relationship has broken down and wants the real dad to put his hands in his pocket.

If your bf cares that the kid could be his then he gets the test he wanted four years ago.

Does he want to be involved in the child's life. Has he moved on and convinced himself it wasn't his? He is presumably angry with the mum.

Either way the person who I feel most sorry for is the child.

As far as I know she has convinced her ex the child is his as the child has his surname. I do not believe the ex has yet taken a DNA test as this all came up over a week ago and she phoned my partner this weekend weekend saying she has just told her ex about it, he is apparently seeing someone else so I don't know if she is just doing this to get to him. In regards to sleeping 3 guys, my partner has said they used to be part of a friendship group that would all get drunk together on the weekends and sometimes sleep with each other.

If I was your partner, I’d be very careful not to sucked into their separation.

The advice about having the test stand. But I’d be very careful to not get involved anymore than doing the DNA test iyswim.

You only hear one side of the story.

Leave this to your bf.

He should have had a DNA test back then. How could he carry on with his life for 4 years knowing there was a 33% he could be the father?

Of course he should do the test, the child deserves it