Funeral etiquette - should/can partners parent attend my parent’s funeral?

[Curiosity93]

I guess it’s not set in stone, but would it be odd for my partner’s parents to attend my parent’s funeral, even if they’ve only met a couple of times, but got along very well? I think it’s thoughtful of them but worried someone else might be offended?

Totally disagree. Funerals are exactly when lots of people turn up who know about it. It's expected. What isn't expected is the family needing to field phonecalls from people asking if they are allowed to do a thing that doesn't need permission when presumably they have plenty else to be worrying about.

An unnecessary phone call is far more intrusive than just turning up.

I disagree. We wanted only people we wanted there at my dad’s funeral. It’s wrong to assume you’re welcome, some people don’t want a free-for-all and that should be considered.

If it's a private funeral, it would be made obvious. If the funeral time and place is published, then it's assumed that it's open to those who'd like to pay their respects or support the family.

Indeed. It is absolutely general understanding that funerals are open to all. By invitation only is really unusual and you would have to be very clear about that to successfully subvert the usual understanding.

You might not want a funeral to be open to all but it is by default.

Yes why not?
My OH went to nextdoor neighbours Dad's funeral. He had known him.for years but only on nodding terms.its about paying respects to the deceased x

Perfectly normal.

Sorry for your loss ❤️
my ex and I had been divorced 11 years when my mum died. He sat with the main family to support our children particularly the youngest who was only 13 at the time. His parents came too. After all they were connected over many years and shared grandchildren. We very much appreciated their support. It’s very respectful in my opinion, differences put aside and all United in grief xx

The only reason my in-laws wouldn't come in this situation was if they were ill. They'd see it as supporting me and I'd appreciate it.

It's the same in Ireland.

Totally normal. Actually it would seem a bit rude if they didn’t. Funerals are about the living, not the dead. Presumably they are close to you and your partner so are there to support you.

Perfectly normal from where I’m from. My mum, aunt and brother all went to my fils funeral, to show support to dh and I.

Two of my male friends came with me to my baby nephew's funeral last year, to support me. It really helped having them there. I did check with my sister and BIL first but they were absolutely fine with them coming.