Funeral etiquette - should/can partners parent attend my parent’s funeral?

[Curiosity93]

I guess it’s not set in stone, but would it be odd for my partner’s parents to attend my parent’s funeral, even if they’ve only met a couple of times, but got along very well? I think it’s thoughtful of them but worried someone else might be offended?

Completely normal, my mil funeral was this week and both my parents attended.

My mother once went to the funeral of my ex boyfriend’s father, who she had never met.

I couldn’t go, because I was living in another country, and she went “in my stead”.

I'm sorry for your loss @Curiosity93
A difficult time for you.

As so many others have said, it is very normal. I can't think of any reason why anyone would think it strange, let alone 'be offended' .

I’ve been to quite a few funerals where I didn’t actually know the deceased person, but I knew the bereaved person and went to support them. Anyone can go to a funeral, there is no etiquette stating that only close friends attend.
Personally when my Dad died I was very grateful for everyone who made the effort and came, including friends of mine.

I've just been to the funeral of someone I never met. But his wife (an ex colleague) is dear to me, and I was there (with other colleagues who also hadn't met him) to support her in her grief. And she really did appreciate it.

Of course not, it's completely normal. Anyone can attend a funeral, whether they knew the person or not, many have never met them - they go to support their family.

So very sorry for your loss. That’s completely normal, many people like to pay their respects, and in this case they also want to support you.

My parents couldn’t go to my mum’s dad’s funeral. They were living abroad and my mum had just had surgery and literally couldn’t travel so she missed her dad’s funeral. My dad’s parent’s went, even though my dad wasn’t there to “bring” them. Of course they did. How is it weird? They knew my Grampa and wanted to pay their respects. Why is it weird and who is going to be offended?

I learned that attending a funeral is about showing respect to those who are grieving. I think it is very sweet of them to want to support you.

I've been to a few funerals where I didn't know the deceased very well but I went to show my support for the bereaved.

Totally normal in my experience, apart from during COVID when obviously number limitations met invitation only. My dad came to my FILs, and my mum would have but was looking after my baby daughter. The in-laws were definitely represented in some way at all my grandparents funerals. And the last one I went to the son in law's parents, sister and best friend were all there. Along with friends and colleagues of the decreased's children.

Even if it wasn't the 'norm', if it is your parents funeral then you are one of the chief mourners so to be honest you get to decide what's appropriate. If you would like them there then they are welcome. Unless there is any reason you would be more comfortable if they didn't come and that's why you are questioning it?

I agree - completely normal. My cousin’s ex MIL and FIL came to my aunt’s funeral, which I was rather touched by; they had known her and thought a lot of her and were paying their respects to the family. It’s a nice thing to do.

I went to my friends mums funeral, I had never met her but went as support to my friend.
Nobody questioned it.

Like pps I've been to funerals for people I've never met, to support their loved ones.

You're not offended and you're one of the primary mourners.

It's fine. Most people would think 'Oh, that's nice that her in-laws came' at most.

Completely normal. To pay their respects, and support you.

Completely normal.

I think it’s ok but you should ask the immediate family first.

I am not keen on the assumption that anyone can attend. It’s polite to ask first.

The OP is immediate family

Surely OP is immediate family?

I'd be slightly shocked if they weren't there. We went to Son-I-L's DM's funeral and we had only met her once since the wedding some 5 years before.

Would absolutely be the norm where I come from.

I'd say very normal for parents to be there for ILs funeral. I'd say more unusual if they weren't there.

Besides, whether or not it's 'normal' why would there be offense? I can't imagine why anyone would be offended at ANYONE paying their respects at a funeral - unless there was a huge backstory.

And of course anyone CAN go to a funeral - they are public events and you can't bar someone from coming.

Sorry for your loss.

Yes totally normal, they’re supporting you too. My in laws came to my grandparents’ funerals and had only met a couple of times. I went to my next door neighbour’s funeral although we’d only ever chatted over the garden fence but it showed respect and his family really appreciated the gesture.

People generally like a decent number of people at a funeral - it’s something of a comfort.

Apart from the fact that on this thread, the OP is immediate family, I totally disagree with this.

When each of my parents died the last thing we'd have been able to cope with is having 300 people asking if they can come to the funeral. We were very touched that so many people took time out to come and support us at that time. Of course no-one needed 'permission'.