10 years together, prison 2 years separated. He soon gets out and I have not moved on

[dani1394]

Hi all. I’m 30 years old & have one child to my ex partner of 10 years.

he has been in prison for non violent charges ( not willing to go into what, it’s private) for 2 years and gets our very soon.

in this 2 years I thought I would have a totally different life. Yet it feels like nothing has changed. I started up my own little company, got on a health kick & raised our son alone, but I had thought I would be involved with a new man by now even if just dating. As I haven’t even met another man during this time I’m getting nervous and an intense pressure that I feel irritated that I haven’t moved on. He would like us to try again as a family but to much has happened, so that’s a no but in the back of my mind I do think about it a little. I just don’t know what to do :(

Being single doesn’t mean you haven’t moved on. Having a man isn’t a validation of a better life.

Moving on is about being in a better place emotionally and looking forward rather than back. Taking time out to be on your own and comfortable with that is hugely liberating.

I think you have moved on, you have been raising your child and you have set up a business. That’s brilliant.

Don’t judge your success in life by whether you’ve got a man or not.

So unless you’re shagging a new man then you haven’t moved on? You know you don’t have to get with your convict ex just because you’re single right now?

You know you don't need the excuse of another man to say no to him, right?

Still Single.

He has proven that he can't be relied upon. How do you know it wouldn't happen again?
Also, would his conviction have a negative impact on your business?

I don't think I could be with someone with a criminal conviction but that's up to you.

hold up - at just 30 you've started your own business while also being a single mother, and you had a time and motivation for a health kick...all that in just 2 years

That's brilliant! Don't go back to an ex just to avoid being single - you're doing so well! Not to mention, two years of being single with such busy life is not unheard of, give yourself some more time

I think starting your own business and raising your son is more than enough. It’s two years not 20. No I wouldn’t go back, why would you?

What makes you think you would have met someone by now? Did you actually try looking? I split with my ex 7 years ago and still single.

It sounds like everything has changed.

Look at what you achieved? You can’t ignore all that because you haven’t met anyone else.

Being single doesn’t wipe out everything you have achieved.

You started a business, improved your health and are raising your child and you haven't moved on? Of course you have. Getting a man, any man isn't making a life, and you are under no obligation whatsoever to take the criminal back into your life just because that's what he wants.

You should be focusing on your child, not your sex life.

I can understand it would be easier to withstand his pressure to get back together again if you were with someone else. But you're entitled to say no and mean it, regardless of whether you have another relationship.

Beyond the fact that you don't want to resume the relationship, I would think it carries a risk to you and your child - of your lives being upheaved again if he were to reoffend. It will be difficult enough for your child having him come and go from his life but much worse if he's living in the same house as you. I would keep him at arm's length for your child's sake, as well as because it's what you want.

Why does a man have to be in your life for you to feel successful and that you’ve moved on?
You are bright, you are bringing up your child single handed whilst starting up and sustaining a successful business.
Maybe therapy would help you recognise you are successful on your own terms

You have moved on. You've made a solo life for yourself and your DC and you know you don't want him back. That's fantastic work. Well done you. Genuinely.

2 years really isn’t that long in terms of healing
you have done amazing
and a realtionship isn’t necessarily your top priority right now

and in the meantime you have raised a child and got healthy and started a business

you be so proud of yourself ❤️‍🩹

don’t let a man into this unless he will support this growth and rise you up
not , drag you down

don’t risk your ex if there is any risk he will ruin what you have created

So you haven't kept up a relationship with him during his incarceration?

I am perplexed why you think you will take up with him again just because you aren't in another relationship 🤔

Your attitude is very odd

Actually your post is a lot odder

The fact you've not met anyone new shouldn't factor into a decision to get back with your ex or not. Two years when starting a business and raising a toddler is no time at all, it's unrealistic to think you should be in a new relationship by now. There's loads of time for that. No need to consider your ex as your only option. Nor is your lack of relationship a sign you and your ex are meant to be. If you're considering whether to get back with him, think about that on its own merits.

Why?

The world has not ended because you are not in a relationship, they are not mandatory

With the changes you have made, surely you're aware that he is highly likely to be convinced that you've been with other men during the period and won't believe you at all if you say you haven't?

Unless it's a genuine miscarriage of justice then whatever law he broke to get banged up was more important to him than his wife and child.

Keep that in mind when jailbird comes crawling back to you.

You've raised a child, started your own business was, so why saddle yourself with a deadbeat? Your child deserves so much better.

It sounds like you just need a tiny bit more moving on....to get to the point where you realise that you are enough and being single is significantly better than being in a bad relationship.

Well now he's out you (should) have regular, reliable childcare and you'll be available to go on dates as and when you choose, with whomever you choose.

Op you have started up your own business raised your ds I would say that's moving on and you don't need a man to validate your achievements.

Be proud of what you have achieved.

You have moved on by navigating life by yourself (parenting, work, bills etc).