Hi, hoping this may help as it’s eating me up.
I am a mum of 2 teens and split from their dad when they were little (he had an affair). So it’s been me bringing them up with little involvement from their dad. I eventually met my partner on line few years ago, after not wanting to be alone and looking for a life partner esp when my children leave and I retire. To go travelling etc.
All was good, he is fantastic with my girls and it was lovely to have a ‘proper family’. Admittedly he earns a lot and takes us all out for dinner, spoils me and after struggling for years on my own watching money it has been so nice. However over time I noticed our interests can differ, I love walking and he doesn’t. I like to be chilled at home whereas he likes to be off out always doing something. However after a working week, housework, looking after my teens etc I need some downtime. Fast forward his snoring has been very bad…I tried to discuss this early on and it would end with him going mad and to stop going on. To the extent I had to put up, his snoring can be heard from my teens bedroom, when I sit downstairs, his family laugh as his dad is known to be horrendous too. It’s non stop, if I nudge him awake and he turns it just carries on, there is no rest bite. We do not live together and I have no spare room so feel trapped when he stays at my house (coz of the kids). When staying at his I had taken to just driving home early hours just to get some sleep. I then refused to have ‘sleepovers’ during the week as I was suffering, it’s like torture all night. Holiday's have highlighted the serious problem, I remember the 3rd night crying for him to stop snoring as I was so exhausted. I come home hating him. Crunch came end of last year after the most awful night and I am not myself the nxt morning. Grumpy, mad and exhausted & I am normally a happy morning person. My health is not the best & this took its toll after so long I couldn’t do this to myself anymore. I therefore finally had it out, I was done -no more. He was so upset, said would get an op and would be done privately but would be a while as not go the money. I said I didn’t want that on me so just go via nhs as once on a list would get one -if needed. (Apparently he has tried everything). So we carried on but refused stay overs & both go home at bedtime. However this has caused lots of distance and I don’t feel connected much. I am tactile and he is not. We had the odd stay over at Xmas etc but it confirmed I can’t cope anymore. It makes me anxious if we stay over at night, I know I will not sleep and hate feeling horrible in the morning. Something snapped in me end of last year at that ‘chat’ and I realised I can’t see a future that I wanted with travelling. My teens are asking about a holiday this year and I can’t think of anything worse with him too. There has been no progress with the drs to resolve the snoring and I am sick of trying to discuss it anymore. Help I feel so selfish but I feel as though I am making excuses not to spend time with him and right now can’t see a long term future. What to do :(