Useless partner?or am I expecting too much

[Lioness331]

So my partner works the weekdays leaving at 6 or 7am and works until 2/3pm .
On weekdays he doesn’t stay at mine but he’ll come stay over on the weekend or one day during the week when he doesn’t have work the next day or wants the day off work.

When he does stay round he goes to bed round 1/2am which is what I do sometimes but I’m up and ready for the kids at 7am or 8am who are ages 3 and 1 and he sleeps in until 4pm . I do wake him up in the mornings round 11am and tell him I need him to wake up but he gets really annoyed so I leave him . It does frustrate me so much and I end up in a bad mood all day I just want to clean and I can’t do that when he’s in bed till stupid o’clock.

He had a late night the day before yesterday ,so when he had come to mine last night he went straight to bed at 7pm which was good so he could have a fresh start next day . From then he woke up this morning at 2am and so did I to have a drink and go to bed and told him he should go back to bed but he’s said he’s going to stay awake as he has to leave at 6am for work . As I woke up at 7am to drop little one to nursery this morning he’s there asleep (think he must’ve went to bed at 6) so I woke him up to watch our 1 year old whilst I drop the other one to nursery which is what he did but when I had got back from her nursery he’s gone back to sleep and now still asleep right now…

In what sense is he a partner? He's not bringing anything to the party

Leave, or continue to tolerate it. He's overwhelmed, he's tired, (as you are also) he's distant, and checked out.

I wouldn't call a person contributing to the bills useless. He's just not your ideal partner. Perhaps he just doesn't have it in him to do much more.

Stop having children with him, or perhaps all together.
Stop bringing innocent people into this mess..and stop giving them this type of man as a father.
Why do you keep rewarding him with your time, energy, efforts, and body?

Didn't you know this about him a long time ago? Prior to children. After the 1st one. I mean...what did you expect out of him??

You two don't even live together, but have multiple kids.

sorry I did forget to mention that my 3 year old is not biologically is but her dad isn’t involved so he’s been involved with her since 8months old . Electricity , gas , water bills he doesn’t actually contribute rarely does . He was living with me before but I had kicked him out due to us arguing , then had made up with eachother . He’s not actually in his own place right now he’s staying at a friends until he’s back from holiday

So he’s basically using you. Kick him out. Let him pay his own bills.

OP you are setting the bar incredibly low. He’s never really been a caring contributing partner. He’s just someone you share a child with who sometimes sleeps over.
This is the second child you have had with someone who doesn’t actively participate in their child’s upbringing. You and your children deserve better.

There seems to be a real theme on MN right now of women with very young children bringing useless cocklodgers into their lives and ending up with another child in a fully grown man’s body

Nope, this would give me the ick.

You are not his mother, I mean waking a grown man up.. that is erm not a man.

He is a cock lodger at best. Is he worth all this hassle?

I assume he is a good manipulator or talking you round as I am sure you have had to speak to him about these issues? he is showing you quite clearly what he feels you deserve. Dont let his talk get you staying in a situation that is serving only him. Clearly its frustrating you as you need to manage a household, bring up children and keep things moving. But a sleeping manchild you are unable to do that, is he really worth that?

Do this without him, find your worth and set the bar higher. You do not own him a shelter, food and money just because he has been around since your DC were young. He needs growing up, and needs to bring more to the table to be worth it.

Next time he comes over don't open the door. Problem solved! He really is a waste of oxygen.

I bet you're claiming benefits as a single parent aren't you OP whilst Mr Cocklodger gets to have free sex, meals cooked et safe in the knowledge that other people are paying for his kid and he doesn't actually have to provide for his family or contribute in any way.

Ffs why are women letting men away with this?

Good for you for kicking him out the first time, I think you should try to make it stick this time.

You are skating on thin ice OP if you are on benefits. You may not be of course but didn't see any mention of work but that could have been an omission ? Please don't let this man cocklodge with you and getting you into trouble. Because contrary to much nonsense written on the subject, there are no 'number of nights your partner is allowed to stay' and it not affect benefits.

All it takes is one disgruntled neighbour, friend or family member for you to be looked at for benefit fraud and it will be YOU in the shit - not him.

Kick the waste of space into touch and keep what income you have for yourself and kids - not feeding and heating him.

He's useless and using you. Leeching off of others. Kick him to the curb, for the most part..permanently this time.

Unfortunately you've picked another unworthy man to have a child by and since he is a user and manipulator, he may use the child as a pawn to gain further access to you.

Don't allow him to do that. If he honestly wants to step up and be a father,(highly doubt it) you two can co parent from a distance, and he doesn't have to be in your home to do so. It must remain strictly about the child.

There is something within you unresolved that you need to work towards resolving it (aside from poor self esteem and lacking self worth) perhaps in therapy to prevent yourself from making such poor irresponsible irreversible decisions.. such as sponsoring useless men and deciding to have children with them. .such as bringing strange men around your child.

This is a pattern that needs to end. Your children don't deserve this. You don't deserve this and only intentionally making life more harder on you and them.

Cultivate friendships, and perhaps support groups with other women.

It's best if you leave these guys alone for a few years or so, strictly focus on your children...and improving life for you and them.

Work on yourself.. and learn how to love yourself.

Good grief, he's using you. Kick him out and keep him out. Then work on your self worth.

Op said he's staying at a friend's so they're not living together anymore, well done. don't let him move back in. You can still have a relationship if you want without living together.

Oh for pity's sake. He is not parenting. he's not contributing to the bills. And he is restricting what you can do in your own house? FFS, get rid of him.

(Oh, and really - you can't clean because he's sleeping? WTAF?)

OP, you are not expecting too much and he is not really a partner is he? I honestly cannot see what he is adding to your relationship, he is just using you.
Raise your bar, you deserve more than this! You've kicked him out before due to arguments, please do so again and this time make it permanent.

Lazy and treats your place like a hotel. I'd finish with him for good.

You aren't expecting too much. He's meant to be a grown man, not a teenager.

Thank you for all your replies guys I did bring this up too him also and he replies to me with I get you my bad

OP what did his reply even mean ? He’s treating you like a joke.
Please stop enabling his ridiculous behaviour

He's not a partner, he's not even a boyfriend. He's just some man who you let sleep in your bed.

Get him gone

He is running rings around you.

Bet he does sod all about it though. All talk and no action, eh?

You need to tell him that he cannot stay over any more. He's taking the absolute piss and treating your home like a dosshouse.

Wow that would definitely convince me hes a keeper

*not being serious btw that makes him sound about 14

My vagina would have zipped itself shut at a comment like this. Kick the lazy fucker out, lock the door and only speak to him as far as your child is concerned. God I have the ick and I don’t even know this thing you’re in a relationship with OP.