How to confront DP who lied about whereabouts

[Loulou560]

Hi
Just looking for some advice really. My DP told me this morning he had a hospital appointment. I thought nothing of it, and have never thought twice about what he tells me. My Dad is currently in hospital and I thought he could visit him. Time was getting on, and I wanted some help with the children for me to do a bit of work. So, I looked on the ‘Find my’ app to see if he was on the way back.
He wasn’t in the hospital at all, but at an address about 13 miles away. He wasn’t there very long. I’ve never had cause to distrust him, but now I’m thinking what else does he lie to me about? I don’t think he’s seeing anyone else. We both work from home and have two small children, so he wouldn’t have the time! I’m sure there’s a benign reason, like he was pricing a job up, but what I do not like is that he fabricated this hospital appointment, and when I asked him how it went, he gave me a summary of what happened. Why would he lie?
the truth is, I never think I need to check up on him, and I innocently did that today. I have to tell him, but am open to advice on how to. Thank you

Can you find out who lives at the address? You've already asked and know he's lied, so it's likely he'd lie and minimise if asked again. I'd do a bit more digging first. Does his job often involve going to people's homes to price up things?

I'd go and have a look at the address. Is it somewhere you know? Is it a shop? Does it look like somewhere he might price up a job? Could he have been picking up something from FB marketplace? Is it a brothel/massage parlor?

You might be able to get a feel for what it could be just by looking at it...

How do you know he didn't go to both places?

A quickie with a sex worker ?

Could he have been at the appointment and stopped somewhere else on the way?

I also wouldn't trust those apps to be accurate. They always show me as at my neighbours house 3 doors down when I'm on my own home.

Dear god. That didn’t take long did it.

I'm also thinking it's a bit odd that your default is to use a tracker app rather than just a phone call or text message. I was married to my ex for 15 years and never tracked his phone in that time.

Swung in for a quote on the way home? If it was dodgy he'd have just turned his loc servs off temporarily! I speak from experience 🙄

I also think it’s odd. I don’t understand findmyphone or whatever it is, I’d never agree to be tracked by a partner, or expect to track them.

Edit: with the exception of walking home alone at night, when I’ve asked friends to track me on WhatsApp.

Thank you all. I’ve never had cause to look at this app before, and he’s the one who suggested we do it, as I sometimes work in remote locations. I’d normally ring, but thought he may have been in his appointment, so genuinely expected him to be in the hospital or on the way home.
His job does involve pricing jobs, but there’s no way he could’ve made the hospital appointment with the times involved. After seeing that he’d lied, I looked at the app later and he didn’t go in the hospital direction at all, so definitely did not go there. Like I say, I genuinely don’t think there was anything sinister, but why lie?

Unless he went there after the hospital appointment - is that possible? - then he obviously wasn't pricing up a job because he'd have no reason to lie about that.

I wouldn't say anything until you have a bit more evidence. But I would be doing a bit of detective work.

They're normally a little out of range sometimes, as in a few doors down. But 13 miles? Never seen it that out of range. Can't you ask what happened at the hospital as it took ages and see if he says he nipped to somewhere afterwards?

or don't mention it and keep tracking and see if he goes there again? Google the address and try and look what's there.

Saying he doesn't have time for an affair - well, he can obviously make time if he lies. The odd hospital/doctor/opticians appointment, pricing up a job, had to pop to the wholesaler for a part, flat tire or vehicle broken down, job went on longer than expected and wanted to get it finished, blah blah - you'd be amazed at the excuses I've heard.

Don't confront yet. Don't say anything. Keep a close eye and watch where he goes. If he returns to that address, find out what/who it is.

Don't be so naive to say "he wouldn't have the time/opportunity" if they want something/someone, they will find a way. They always do.

Hi op I'm not for 1 minute saying he's up to anything sinister but you really need to find out why he thought he had to lie about where he was going that's not normal behaviour from a happily married man and unfortunately men that are cheating come up with the most incredible excuses to pop out I hope you find out why he lied but personally I wouldn't be too inclined to believe him next time he has a hospital appointment

Agree with @Mewtwoo

My DP often goes to B&Q / other DIY type shops after work due to the nature of his job. Sometimes if I want something picking up and I know roughly where he'll be, I'll ring him to ask him to stop off after he's done what he needs to do. Not once have I thought to track him on his phone.... This would suggest that you don't believe what he's telling you.

A track me app or find me app..thank goodness my relationship is based on trust

Those apps can be inaccurate, as a family we all have it installed, 2 teen daughters, me that horses rides alone and a husband who goes off road mountain biking alone so it’s a back up safety precaution. We took our girls to their first music festival this year and gave them some freedom to explore on their own, they didn’t hear the phone ringing so did a find my phone and apparently one of them was miles away - in reality at that point we were 30 seconds away from one another. Both have iPhones with the same provider, one’s phone was live, one hadn’t updated in hours 🤷‍♀️

not sure why you would track him rather than call first though unless you were checking up on him?

Put the address in Google maps street view and see what's there. Could be a coffee shop? Pub? Betting shop? Surprise present for you shop??

Thank you for your replies. After some digging, there’s a counsellor next to where he was parked. I suspect that that’s where he was. He’s suffered from depression and had some issues. I’ve urged him to seek help before. Perhaps he doesn’t want to show he’s been. I’d rather he’d have said. I’ve had counselling after a string of losses and illnesses in my family and I’m open about it.
I’ll not mention anything now, but when I next remind him he should seek help, I hope he just tells me.

That’s a relief OP. Fwiw I do think that “hospital appointment” is probably an acceptable “front” for counseling until he’s ready to talk to you about it, although I understand why you’re disappointed that he hasn’t been upfront immediately.

Also, I disagree that using location services somehow equates to no trust - it’s much easier to have a quick look and see if the other person is still at the office/pub/airport/parents’ etc. than constantly asking for updates (or expecting them back).

Hopefully his counselling will help him to be more open about his health. It's sad that he has made up an appointment for a (presumably) physical ailment rather than admit to a mental health issue.

I am always where I say I am I would not be travelled nor would I ever in a million years track anyone else

Even more so if this is what it causes, just ask him but not sure how it could be worded other than 'I didn't trust you so wanted to find where you are and you are not where you said but imagine if I was a man saying this to a woman'

The whole thing is weird, again though simpler to ask

Tracked not travelled

He shouldn't have to tell you, stop following him, he is entitled to his privacy