Is new partner playing mind games, being unfair or am I too sensitive

[WelshMan58]

Hello,

Following a divorce I've started a new relationship and for the most part all is good. My girlfriend has started talking lots abour her ex lovers though, two were well endowed, another she recalls as her Italian Stalion, she talks about men who she is friends with who fancy her and she regulalrly has texts from them asking her out for a coffee. She never replies saying she is in a relationship just that she is busy. She was also active on dating sites and she still gets notifications of people interested in meeting up.

She is also a huge flirt and she goes on holidays with girlfriends to Portugal and talks about the big groups of men they chat with and she thinks it's great to have fun with them, I've said this could get her in trouble but it's getting to the point where I'm not sure I can trust her.

I've never been in a relationship like this, I love her and would do anything for her but I'm starting to think she is playing mind games with me or just doesn't realise the effect on me of the things she is saying.

I'd love to hear people's thoughts, am I being too sensitive?

Don’t be daft, have some self-respect and dump her.

She’s definitely playing mind games yes; sometimes these kinds of games can stem from her own issues with self esteem! That or she’s just really nasty.

Yes she’s playing mind games and trying to wind you up to get a reaction.

She sounds like an attention seeking drama queen - get rid unless you want a lifetime of game playing.

What you feel for her isn't love. You might fancy her and desire her but you certainly don't love her. It's impossible to love someone properly if they treat you so badly.

Nonsense. Of course you can love someone that treats you badly. It’s not healthy, but it certainly happens.

So what is actually ‘for the most part good’ about this relationship with someone who boasts of past partners’ penis sizes, relishes being pursued, hasn’t de registered from OLD sites, and not only flirts all the time but comes back and tells you about it?

Her behaviour isn’t the mystery here — it’s yours.

She might not be playing mind games. But she doesn't sound like she is committed to you at all. Sounds like she is keeping her options open but using you as a "safety net". When me and DP first got together (and even now!) I wouldn't so much as glanced at another man. You could have put Brad Pitt in front of me and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. To be constantly referring to her exes, replying to men's messages and telling you she is flirting with other men is massively disrespectful and tells me she's not really that into you. I'm sorry. As others have said, get rid and find someone who is only interested in you.

Throw this one back. She is immature and unpleasant. She’s probably insecure but there is no reason you should pay the price for that.

What do you love about her?

I’d move on, especially with her being on dating apps.

What does this mean though ‘I've said this could get her in trouble’ ?

Thanks all, I was on holiday with her in Portugal and witnessed the open flirting right in front of me, she thought it wonderful that one man described her as a MILF and she wrote a message on another guys stomach and she whispered something dispareginly about me in another guys ear. Yes she had had a drink and yes we ended up having a huge row. She tells me she has taken on board things I've said but things that have happened lately suggest otherwise.

Your replies confirm with me that there appears to be very little future in this relationship. I give all to a relationship and want to be with someone who thinks the same.

She tells me nothing would happen and she is just a flirt but I've said some men might not be happy with the way she is and that some men might force things aalong

Bless you. She sounds hideous. Move on, find someone who loves and respects you and leave her to her admiring fans (to be honest she sounds like one of these women who thinks all blokes fancy her whereas in reality she just comes across as easy). Not the kind of woman you want for a LTR.

Flirting with others is absolutely fine when you’re single but when you’re in a relationship it’s as disrespectful as fuck. And to do it in plain sight is appalling behaviour.

Sorry OP - she’s a wrongun

She sounds quite insecure.

I know from personal experience there are some men who like knowing their GF is desirable to other men, and it may be she finds it sexy and expects you to think the same. I had a boyfriend who liked it when I got chatted up, it boosted his ego. But you’re ostensibly a couple and she’s actively pursuing male attention via OLD which indicates she constantly needs new validation. To me, explicit ex chat is disrespectful and creepy. I think she sounds like she wants the shallow thrill of being chased but also to have you around. I’d be inclined to give her the Spanish archer to go with her Italian stallion (vom). Don’t be someone’s fallback fella.

Openly flirting in front of you is really rude and unpleasant. Whispering something disparaging about you to some random man in your presence is downright abusive.

Thanks all, this has been incredibly helpful

She doesn't sound like a keeper to me. It sounds like she enjoys playing the field a bit too much to settle down into a relationship with you.

Why could you not work this out yourself? It's in plane sight, it's obvious. Even what she says is wrong. It's all blatant, at least she's not hiding her desires for others. You'd have no chance of picking up subtle signs of infidelity. Better get a reliable friend who can set you straight.

She's your post-divorce starter relationship. Ideal for finding out what you don't want in a relationship.

You're dumping her now, right?

That’s very true. Think a lot of us had a post divorce rebound who showed us exactly what we don’t want from a LTR.

This!

No, you ate not oversensitive, she is a walking red flag.

OP, I've dumped (many, sadly) men for behaving in this and similar ways.

She isn't going to change - youve already spoken to her about it and it's continued. So this is what a relationship with her is going to look like. It's obviously not what you want so end it.

I agree that it's likely to he borne out of low self esteem but it doesn't really matter what the reason is. It's not going to get any better.

Outrageous simp behaviour