grhhhhh
just allow me to vent !!!
this time is about MIL and the bro&sis in-laws, I simply overwhelmed and just too much of a baby talk. and I sort of expected this discomfort would happen.
I am due in April. Our first child. my husband and I embarked our lovely baby shopping journey yesterday. looked forward to it. The shopping mall is one hour drive from our home and 15 mins drive from husband’s fam. I already would expect maybe pop by to the fam to say hi - which also means would have endless convo about how’s your shopping - what did you get.
and a little background is that we are first time parent , and the bro and sis in law have three kids and their youngest one is just over a year. They had been really happy for us and in a way that can’t wait to give us all their stuff that their youngest overgrown. Besides the MIL also had been dusting off all the baby stuff that the bro and sis not use and ask if we want any. But my instinct had been this is our first and not that we are very tight on money - I would love to have brand new things if we can afford. And the thought of other baby sick had been all over the items already I felt quite uncomfortable. I had reflected with my DH, which since then he helped on communicating saying we not taking everything , we are working out what we want first. That had calm down the fam from kept messaging say - do u want this .. you need this bla bla bla
so what happened yesterday was that DH insisted to go pop by to say hi, before the shopping trip. Which is understandable so I said ok. We did pop to the in-laws for 5 mins , which is good and set good mood DH to go shopping with me.
the news of we are around the area quickly spread in DH fam, then during our trip we jus get messages from the sis-in-law about which shops we need to check out in the mall. DH very happy in the area and he has been messaging the fam what we are doing - sending the quote we got from ma ma and papas. (which means he is on the phone while we walking around ) And not long since we started the trip, DH asked when will we finish the day so can pop by the fam members that we didn’t get the chance to say hi. And he knows me, I didnt like to be rush for the shopping trip so he understandably let his fam know the timing is not firm.
then after the trip , we visited the bro in law first the MIL. DH as new parent talked about all the baby items we went through , saying how overpriced the items are (but we came from a perspective that to have a social convo, not that we asking anything )then the bro fam started dusting off everything in their place . Oh take this changing mat (then we said we got one already, they would say take one more as spare 😑) . The child seat they don’t need and showed us - full of crumps and overused , I didmt want to touch it. And said several times take it save you £200 . But we didn’t say yes right away - we really don’t want accepting everything and spending time on sorting out the trash at home. We were just visiting. But again they insisted several times. later on the bro gf being nice and showing me all the newborn clothes I could take and insiste they are brand new (but I don’t like the style of them ). I had to be very politely say think about it etc
I didn’t want to come across not accepting their favour but I felt like there is no room for us to think what we want. And more on pleasing them to make them feel good about their things not wasted and could ‘help’ us.
Some of the topics DH shared with fam I didn’t like, like talking what baby names we thinking of. I felt it’s like a convo between me and him, besides none of bro and sis IL had ever shared what names they were thinking of before the names were firmed. They had always been kept to themselves until they decided.
i had kept quiet and let DH talk about everything - oh we thinking of name start with certain letter. Maybe this name that name. I was thinking nevertheless DH was just being happy around his fam. Otherwise if I not ok to talk about everything , nth to talk . But my face can’t hide that I don’t feel comfortable .
We talked about baby sling, then both the bro and sis each offer us - say we not using it you can take them. (But I already had some in mind). besides that’s not really the point of the convo of asking anything they don’t want.
we did ask for baby monitor and not available to take.
DH also telling the fam I have been on mumsnet all the time . I have been talking with DH what’s ppl talk about anything - symptoms, products etc. I didn’t expect DH then tell his fam where I got the knowledge from. This make me don’t want to share my thoughts about certain things with DH. As in if I don’t want sth not share with fam I might not of tell DH.
I feel like why they don’t talk about themselves but just talking about me and then our preg plan . I personally have nth to share, given they are experienced parents .. I don’t see anything special to share. Just usual baby items. And I don’t have particular difficult preg problem.
then when in MIL place I just sit aside and happy for DH to just chat with fam. MIL being friendly maybe see me quiet kept asking question . Asking me how am I feeling. But then asking the details any diabetes , when I go to bed at night. Haaaa
DH VERY HAPPY after the family day, but I was just neutral and happy that he spent time with fam. He did ask me several times if I am OK, as in I obviously not as HAPPY as him.
i did say I didn’t like our plan just share when things aren’t firm . I did say we never hear his fam said share their plan either . Then he acknowledged that.
not sure if I am being a private person or preg hormone. I overall feel uncomfortable. I still have 12 weeks to go and anticipating more of the preg baby talk next time visit DH fam. They are very eager to be part of our journey .
not sure if anyone have similar experience . 🫤