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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I go through his phone? Or just trust what he says?

33 replies

Jules1234xx · 15/01/2024 02:13

So I’ve been with my boyfriend officially for around 8 months, things have been good up until a few weeks ago really. He started acting distant through text messages, we haven’t had sex in a couple of weeks which hasn’t been our pattern at all. He almost never goes on his phone around me unless he’s showing me things but it’s rare. He takes it everywhere with him, bathroom breaks have increased too but maybe that’s me being paranoid.

I have been with him the past two days, everything has been fine until earlier when he was showing me a quick video he found funny and someone text him but they were only saved as an initial, I didn’t think much of it until he noticed I had noticed and he blasted out ‘why is she texting me?’. I said ‘who?’ He said oh an old friend, I said what did she say? He said that she said ‘hi?’ but they haven’t spoken in months apparently, I asked for her name he said that he doesn’t want to give it because I will look for her etc and I have the wrong end of the stick, I said text her now in front of me and ask what she wants, he did. He then went to the toilet and said oh she was asking me a question about a guy, asking if I know someone? I said show me and he said he’d deleted it. I’ve barely spoken to him all night and I am going home tomorrow.

OP posts:
Alloftheskies · 15/01/2024 02:17

Don't lower yourself. If you don't trust someone to the extent you feel like you want to check their phone then just end the relationship. It's not worth it. Don't get into this dynamic.

AgentJohnson · 15/01/2024 06:23

There is always the third option of binning him.

Aposterhasnoname · 15/01/2024 06:25

He’s lying. Bin him

toucaninjapan · 15/01/2024 06:27

He's lying and he's really bad at it

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/01/2024 06:32

Looking through his phone is not healthy behaviour. He doesn’t sound great either and I would be inclined to end the relationship.

SamW98 · 15/01/2024 06:46

He's obviously lying. Go home and don’t return

Meadowfinch · 15/01/2024 06:47

Go with your instinct. You won't be wrong.

MsDogLady · 15/01/2024 06:47

Bin him, @Jules1234xx. He is absolutely up to something. His behavior has changed, and the whole scenario after he received the call from Mystery Initial Woman was a farce.

You can do much better.

Usernamechange1234 · 15/01/2024 06:52

8 months in, this is a no brainer. Get rid of the cheating weasel!

Luddite26 · 15/01/2024 06:56

Go home don't go back.

Shiningout · 15/01/2024 07:25

Ofc he's lying why would he go to the toilet to delete her messages, he couldn't be more obvious if he stamped liar on his forehead

C1N1C · 15/01/2024 07:53

Do people actually delete messages???

It seems like a common thing on here, maybe because of all the cheaters, but I've never deleted any social media messages!

Justleaveitblankthen · 15/01/2024 07:53

He's not only cheating, he's as thick as a workhouse butty.
Get rid before he gets a chance to procreate those numbskull genetics.

Specso · 15/01/2024 11:15

He’s cheating. He went off to the toilet to tell her he’ll message her later and to not reply right now.

Bin him and don’t look back.

SpringleDingle · 15/01/2024 11:44

That is 100% bollocks - ditch the liar.

MILTOBE · 15/01/2024 11:46

He's cheating, he's gaslighting and he thinks you're stupid. Bin him off.

MILTOBE · 15/01/2024 11:47

Why would he save her name as an initial if she was a casual friend?

Stupidliefromfriend · 15/01/2024 11:50

What a prick. Don't waste your time and energy explaining why you're dumping him just block him everywhere.

Jules1234xx · 15/01/2024 12:17

I left this morning! 4 trips to the bathroom since we went to sleep & all night he kept waking me up, when I confronted him he got very defensive and said that he’s allowed to go to toilet and that I’m lying about how many times etc which Ofc he is allowed lol but he was also getting some texts thru before we went to sleep. Etc. also mentioned his ex accused him of the same thing (bathroom trips to text) & that were all the same and accuse him when we’ve got nothing to go off 😂 he’s clearly delusional

OP posts:
ScottishShortie · 15/01/2024 12:30

You can recover deleted texts if you get the chance

IammrsP · 15/01/2024 12:36

Women have a sixth sense.

Luddite26 · 15/01/2024 13:32

Leave him to it. You don't need to be made to look a fool by a liar. Keep your dignity and leave him to it.x

Florence500 · 15/01/2024 13:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Cas112 · 15/01/2024 14:32

Trust your gut

mae2014 · 15/01/2024 14:36

look through the phone!!!!

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