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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I go through his phone? Or just trust what he says?

33 replies

Jules1234xx · 15/01/2024 02:13

So I’ve been with my boyfriend officially for around 8 months, things have been good up until a few weeks ago really. He started acting distant through text messages, we haven’t had sex in a couple of weeks which hasn’t been our pattern at all. He almost never goes on his phone around me unless he’s showing me things but it’s rare. He takes it everywhere with him, bathroom breaks have increased too but maybe that’s me being paranoid.

I have been with him the past two days, everything has been fine until earlier when he was showing me a quick video he found funny and someone text him but they were only saved as an initial, I didn’t think much of it until he noticed I had noticed and he blasted out ‘why is she texting me?’. I said ‘who?’ He said oh an old friend, I said what did she say? He said that she said ‘hi?’ but they haven’t spoken in months apparently, I asked for her name he said that he doesn’t want to give it because I will look for her etc and I have the wrong end of the stick, I said text her now in front of me and ask what she wants, he did. He then went to the toilet and said oh she was asking me a question about a guy, asking if I know someone? I said show me and he said he’d deleted it. I’ve barely spoken to him all night and I am going home tomorrow.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 15/01/2024 14:40

If you don't trust someone, stay away from them. Really simple and effective life rule. You don't have to do anything, or check anything.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 15/01/2024 14:40

Not much point in looking he will have deleted it all anyway, you know what you know. This is such a young relationship, you don't need to be dealing with this shit.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/01/2024 14:42

Jules1234xx · 15/01/2024 12:17

I left this morning! 4 trips to the bathroom since we went to sleep & all night he kept waking me up, when I confronted him he got very defensive and said that he’s allowed to go to toilet and that I’m lying about how many times etc which Ofc he is allowed lol but he was also getting some texts thru before we went to sleep. Etc. also mentioned his ex accused him of the same thing (bathroom trips to text) & that were all the same and accuse him when we’ve got nothing to go off 😂 he’s clearly delusional

Definitely the right call!

Lavender14 · 15/01/2024 14:42

Yeah, next!!

moofolk · 15/01/2024 14:42

Bin him

dudsville · 15/01/2024 14:44

Best to choose the 3rd option. If you don't feel secure then it's not the relationship for you.

rainydaysandwednesdays · 15/01/2024 14:59

Go with your gut. Good luck x

Burntouted · 16/01/2024 02:27

None of this indicates that he is cheating, none of this indicates that he isn't.

You have trust issues, you don't have faith in him nor the dynamics between you two, nor do you respect his right to privacy.

There's no trust from your end. No need to question repeatedly, nor spy on him. You don't trust him and you never will.

If he's done things in the past that you're aware of, it's time to stop procrastinating and prolonging..time to end things.

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