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Original poster

Bf upset, holding a grudge and not budging

45 replies

Pickles246 · 13/01/2024 21:04

Hi everyone
I wouldn't mind a bit of advice please. I've really got myself into a bit of a mess. I have been dating my bf for four years, living together for a year. It's going really well. A friend of mine came from out of town to stay. He hadn't met her before this.

Her and I went out for dinner and drinks. She made a comment about my bfs physique completely randomly when she saw a photo of him from a holiday. She basically said he was out of shape. I called her out on it and she said she was joking.

Anyway the next day, he said oh what was her verdict, how was your night. I've always been honest so I told him the truth. Positive things and also the negative comment. Stupid I know, I dont know what came over me. He was furious and saw it as a total lack of respect towards him and now does not want her to stay ever again. He is generally a laid back person. I've never seen him so annoyed. Doesn't care if I see her elsewhere just doesn't want to be in the same space as her. My friend can have a be jealous of others and if I'm honest isn't the loyalist friend I have. He knows this as he has been witness to her sending me dramatic messages in the past and changing plans to suit herself frequently. She isn't the kind of friend you can speak to about these things either as she gets defensive.

I don't want to create drama. She is now looking to stay again and I have no idea what to do. I've spoken to him again about it but he is adamant. Advice appreciated....thanks for reading

OP posts:
MamaGhina · 13/01/2024 21:06

Is he out of shape?

AnonKat · 13/01/2024 21:07

I mean.........reverse it. If his friend called you fat and he told you about it,would you want his disrespectful friend to stay in your safe space? I wouldn't!

And I'm not sure why you told him. I wouldn't want to hurt my partner in that way.

Original poster
Pickles246 · 13/01/2024 21:07

No he is tall and plays sports frequently

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedAnymore · 13/01/2024 21:08

What the fuck did you tell him that for?

Namechange666 · 13/01/2024 21:09

Even if he out of shape, why is your friend commenting on his shape? It has bugger all to do with her.

You even say it yourself, she's not the best of friends and isn't the most loyal. Also causes drama. Why are you even entertaining the idea of her coming over when she has upset your partner of 4 years with a shitty comment?

If my partner did that, I'd be upset too.

You don't even sound like you like her that much. Just tell her no and say why or even better cut her out. She's rude and no friend.

Original poster
Pickles246 · 13/01/2024 21:09

I honestly do not know. Believe me I wish I hadn't

OP posts:
MamaGhina · 13/01/2024 21:10

Don’t understand why he’s so upset then. Who cares what she thinks? If you still want a friendship with her, then met her outside the house.

Hatty65 · 13/01/2024 21:10

Well to be honest, I'm with him. I think you were foolish to tell him - but I have to say if my DH had a friend who'd made a joke/rude comment about my figure I'd be thinking he was a dick, and not want him staying in my home again. It's the lack of respect.

I would tell her that your DP wasn't amused by her rude comment and doesn't want her in his home. If she flounces that's up to her - she might learn to keep her gob shut.

ZekeZeke · 13/01/2024 21:13

You had absolutely nothing to gain byntelling him that.
What possessed you?
Your friend doesn't sound like a very nice person.

Original poster
Pickles246 · 13/01/2024 21:19

I really don't know. I've been asking myself the same thing. I have no idea why I told him that. I guess maybe because it's ridiculous and she was having a go me rather than him. I don't know

OP posts:
sonjadog · 13/01/2024 21:22

I wouldn’t want someone in my house who had been so rude about me either. It was a huge mistake telling him. I think you have to accept his feelings now and just meet her elsewhere.

HenndigoOZ · 13/01/2024 21:23

I would be honest with your friend and tell her you thoughtlessly passed on her remark about your partner being out of shape. He was annoyed and it’s best she does not stay again for now. It might be for the best if her friendship qualities are not the greatest anyway.

fatandhappy47 · 13/01/2024 21:26

Your 'friend' is a cunt

NaughtyBoyGeorgeMichaelJacksonBrown · 13/01/2024 21:28

Possibly the only time I have been on the man's side on MN.

She absolutely should not have said it but you should definitely not have told him. If you were really close, you should have privately told her not to say stuff like that and kept it to yourself. If you aren't that close, you should have just distanced yourself.

I once dumped someone after he told me his mate liked me but wanted to know if it was true that bigger girls were tighter 😣

Passthepickle · 13/01/2024 21:30

So she is a poor friend and was deliberately rude to your partner and you want to know how to get him to allow her back into his space? And why would you want to do that? I don’t have people in my home who are rude about or to me. I wouldn’t dream of wanting anyone who was rude to my partner. Advice - find better friends and don’t expect people to hear rude things about themselves and to still be hosts. She was actually being rude to you. Does she put you down in other ways too? She sounds awful.

SamW98 · 13/01/2024 21:30

She’s fucking rude and you were totally wrong to tell him.

I absolutely don’t blame him for being pissed off. I wouldnt want the rude cow in my home again either.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 13/01/2024 21:39

Tell her the truth.

Crimsonripple · 13/01/2024 21:41

If she's a shit friend why would you want her to stay over? Seriously, she's disrespected your partner and you're not standing by him! Look at yourself here, apologise and tell your friend no!

Atethehalloweenchocs · 13/01/2024 21:43

I don't want to create drama.

Really? Because this is all of your making.

Either tell your friend you betrayed her confidence, or tell your boyfriend he has to put up with someone who has said something unkind about him. I think you owe them both an apology and a frank discussion of how to mend this. Doesnt sound like you like your friend much anyway.

DarkDarkNight · 13/01/2024 21:46

I’m not surprised he’s upset and doesn’t want her in his house. It wasn’t a nice thing to say and you must have known how hurtful he would find it.

pikkumyy77 · 13/01/2024 21:49

Your friend deliberately insulted you and your boyfriend and you were foolish enough to drag her spite into the center of your relationship. If you don’t know why you did it you need to sit down and have a good think. Because your “friend” is a bitch. She wants to use you, stay at your place, get your sympathy and attention. she does not mind at all if your relationship suffers or even ends. She is competing with your boyfriend for your attention and she doesn’t mind at all if you fight with him or break up. Also: don’t be surprised if she was mean about your boyfriend because she fancies him and wants to take you down a peg.

Wise up: this friend is not good for you not only because shes a bitch but because you let her drip poison into your ear.

mummy21blueeyed · 13/01/2024 21:49

I would be the exact same S your partner and as would my own partner. I don’t like
my partners ex because of the attitude towards me. He has every right to not want her in his home and safe space to be comfortable and free and you’ve also
given him a massive complex by telling hom
and you qull

mummy21blueeyed · 13/01/2024 21:50

Will push him away and disrespect him
futher by letting the friend stay or even broaching the subject with him again. He has boundaries and should stand firm and needs you to back him.

HappyHamsters · 13/01/2024 21:56

Of course she can't stay, why would either of you want her to, if she asks why tell her you were upset by her rude comment. You need to decide where your loyalty lies.

Zucker · 13/01/2024 22:10

I've always been honest so I told him the truth

Tell her the truth too.