Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Bf upset, holding a grudge and not budging

45 replies

Pickles246 · 13/01/2024 21:04

Hi everyone
I wouldn't mind a bit of advice please. I've really got myself into a bit of a mess. I have been dating my bf for four years, living together for a year. It's going really well. A friend of mine came from out of town to stay. He hadn't met her before this.

Her and I went out for dinner and drinks. She made a comment about my bfs physique completely randomly when she saw a photo of him from a holiday. She basically said he was out of shape. I called her out on it and she said she was joking.

Anyway the next day, he said oh what was her verdict, how was your night. I've always been honest so I told him the truth. Positive things and also the negative comment. Stupid I know, I dont know what came over me. He was furious and saw it as a total lack of respect towards him and now does not want her to stay ever again. He is generally a laid back person. I've never seen him so annoyed. Doesn't care if I see her elsewhere just doesn't want to be in the same space as her. My friend can have a be jealous of others and if I'm honest isn't the loyalist friend I have. He knows this as he has been witness to her sending me dramatic messages in the past and changing plans to suit herself frequently. She isn't the kind of friend you can speak to about these things either as she gets defensive.

I don't want to create drama. She is now looking to stay again and I have no idea what to do. I've spoken to him again about it but he is adamant. Advice appreciated....thanks for reading

OP posts:

SunRainStorm · 13/01/2024 22:12

For someone who 'doesn't want to create drama'....

SamW98 · 13/01/2024 22:17

I've always been honest so I told him the truth.

And sometimes you need to learn to keep your gob shut and realise saying ‘I’m only being honest’ is a cover for ‘I have zero filter and I love the drama’

PaperDoIIs · 13/01/2024 22:19

I don't want to create drama.

Yeah... right!

ArnieLinson · 13/01/2024 22:20

I've always been honest so I told him the truth.
that’s not being honest, it is being mean.

Easipeelerie · 13/01/2024 22:21

I imagine knowing what to say and when to say things might be an issue for you.
Dint try to bring her to stay again, it’s not going to happen. Sounds like she’s a rubbish friend anyway so no great loss.

PaperDoIIs · 13/01/2024 22:23

Why you told him...

You either wanted to take him down a peg or two or you're trying to sabotage the relationship for whatever reason.

That's why you're still digging your heels in now instead of telling your friend what's what. Funny how you don't feel you have to be honest with her.

SKG231 · 13/01/2024 22:26

If my partner told me one of his friends commented negatively on my body I’d tell him I didn’t want them in my house 100%.

Best thing you can do is tell you “friend” that you slipped up and repeated what she said and he was offended so it’s best you see her separately and you let your partner know that she was a dick for saying it and you love him no matter what he looks like.

Original poster

Pickles246 · 13/01/2024 22:34

Thanks for your comments everyone and the advice. Yeah I need to be honest with her with whatever that brings and respect his boundaries. Thanks all

OP posts:

betterangels · 13/01/2024 22:38

Hatty65 · 13/01/2024 21:10

Well to be honest, I'm with him. I think you were foolish to tell him - but I have to say if my DH had a friend who'd made a joke/rude comment about my figure I'd be thinking he was a dick, and not want him staying in my home again. It's the lack of respect.

I would tell her that your DP wasn't amused by her rude comment and doesn't want her in his home. If she flounces that's up to her - she might learn to keep her gob shut.

Completely agree with all of this.

BlingBlingTing · 13/01/2024 22:39

It’s a bit weird and unnecessary to pass on a nasty comment to someone you love.

NotaCoolMum · 13/01/2024 22:43

Your friend is a mean idiot for commenting.

You we’re unnecessarily mean and an idiot for telling him.

I feel sorry for him.

Ghentsummer · 13/01/2024 22:57

If you've always been honest then you'll have no problem telling your friend the truth. And then you should rethink the always being honest thing because sometimes it just makes you a bitch.

Snugglemonkey · 13/01/2024 23:29

Tell her.

You cannot avoid the drama now, you already created it sadly.

Redrose23 · 14/01/2024 17:26

You need to have his back here, not hers. She was a total superficial cow, and honestly I cannot think why you’d repeat that to him. If someone said that about my partner, I don’t care who they were, I’d think it was really off, and I would certainly not repeat it. You need to apologise to your boyfriend for being insensitive, and reassure him of your attraction to him. Like others have said, if it was his male friend commenting on your figure and he repeated it to you, you’d probably feel like crap. She came to stay and managed to cause issues in your relationship. Make it right with him, seriously screw her, who cares how she feels about it the rude cow.

perfectcolourfound · 14/01/2024 17:34

I'd say the same as him.

Imagine if it was an old friend of his who came to stay, then commented that you're out of shape, and he told you. You'd be appalled he was discussing your physique with another man, and upset that he told you that the man had criticised you physically.

Your friend was rude, and you were daft to tell him what she said. It would be really unfair to force him to share his home with her. She sounds like an awful friend anyway. Which matters more to you - your bf's feelings or hers?

OliveToboogie · 14/01/2024 22:30

I agree with your bf. Your friend sounds horrible. Why should he be subjected to a toxic bitch in his own home.

Guavafish1 · 14/01/2024 22:40

Not sure why you told him.

Unless you want him to lose weight

Pumpkinpie1 · 14/01/2024 22:44

I think both you and your friends are mean girls. Poor guy

Motnight · 14/01/2024 22:52

EveryOtherNameTaken · 13/01/2024 21:39

Tell her the truth.

Yes, this. You had no problem telling your boyfriend the truth.

mumlife124 · 14/01/2024 23:04

Idk why everyone's annoyed about her telling him. If one of my DH's mates called me fat and didn't tell me I'd be fuming. Don't keep secrets in relationships!

He's right to be annoyed though. Telling him was the right thing but you've got to be prepared for the response. If he doesn't want her around that's up to him and you've got to accept that

Flip

1 2