Fiancé of 7 years has called off the engagement as she doesn’t see us and prefers women. Am I fair to ask for the ring back?

[O5h]

My fiancé of 7y thinks she is lesbian and doesn’t see a future for us right now. She feels going through relationships she may have suppressed these feelings and after talking to a friend who is lesbian it’s made her question her feelings more. We have a 6m son, a house & planning a wedding, I’m devastated. I love her and respect her dearly. Am I wrong for asking for the engagement ring back as it was a promise we would marry and a token of my feelings for her? Should I let things settle, allow her to work out what she wants, and eventually ask for it back or leave it with her on the chance we may work in future?

Yes, you 100% right to ask for the ring back

The ring is given in anticipation of marriage. The marriage did not take place so it should be returned to you.

Yes you can. It's given as a gift with the condition of the wedding taking place, so it's rightfully yours in this case.

Sorry you're going through this 😔

This sounds like a horrible situation for you.
I'm wondering why you are focused on the ring. Seems like a very small part of a complete destabilisation of your life, and future.
Do you want the actual ring, or are you trying to establish what it represents, and whether you are willing to wait for her?
I'd let her keep the ring, and look at how your life will look without her in it. I wouldn't be prepared to leave her the opportunity to do this multiple times.
You have a small child together, so creating additional problems over an object seems unhelpful to everyone.

She should return the ring.

Will she? I don't know. She seems a bit mixed up. 😳

Of course you should ask for the ring back. Tbh you shouldnt have to ask, she should return it as soon as she called the engagement off.

Exactly

I forgot to say - sorry to hear this is happening to you.

Out of interest why are you focusing on the ring and not the BABY and HOUSE?

Oh and yes of course she should return the ring and be amenable to what works for you re the baby and house. Not your fault she’s dithering.

I would be concentrating on your son and house, and not worrying about a ring. A ring that was gifted to her.
Furthermore 2nd jewellery has considerably less value than a new ring so what are you gaining if you do have the ring back ? or are you going to gift it to someone else ?

She needs to give it back and she's out of order to make you have to ask for it. She has no right to keep it.

I think that legally, in most circumstances an engagement ring is regarded as a gift and not something she would have to return - possibly unless you had a very specific agreement otherwise.

If it has some other massive personal significance - say, it was your grandmother's, or something like that - then I can understand wanting it back but otherwise I would focus on other parts of the situation, honestly.

Judge Judy says you should get the ring back.

Personally, if it was very valuable I would want it back, if it was just a few hundred quid I wouldn't bother because it has no resale value.

But why do you want it? A new fiancé isn’t going to want it and you won’t get anything like the full value back if you sell it.

I agree with PPs: forget about the ring and deal with important stuff.

Chances are this was planned all along so she could have a kid and then dump you down the line and there is girlfriend in the background.

Get the ring back before they sell it.

There are substantially easier ways for lesbians to have a baby than nefariously entering into a seven year engagement with someone.

Etiquette/ correct form would expect her to return the ring, but given she is the mother of your child I would not ask for it to be returned if it was not offered.

If you presented her with a ring and said will you marry me and she said no, she wouldn't have taken the ring. So on that principle, she should give it back. But equally, it's probably not your biggest battle right now.

I think you're alright to ask for it back, especially if she had insisted on having an expensive ring.

Ask for it back as she is the one backing out.

I came on to say the exact same thing! JJ would definitely say she had to return the ring. It’s given in anticipation of marriage, and if it isn’t going to take place, it should be handed back to the person who paid for it.

The ring should definitely be returned to you.
My lovely sister's crappy fiance cheated on her, unsurprisingly she wasn't inclined to marry him. He insisted the ring was returned (not an heirloom, brand new). She was the bigger woman and returned it - I would not have been so magnanimous

bit petty surely, there are bigger concerns?

Did you post about this recently OP?

I think the ring is the least of your problems. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I am fully aware of the pain given my own experiences. However, I don't think having the ring back is going to make you feel better. Having some counselling, sorting out how you are going to co-parent your child and how you are going to split in the best interests of you all is where your focus should be. I'm truly sorry and I hope you find peace and happiness that you deserve.