Fiancé of 7 years has called off the engagement as she doesn’t see us and prefers women. Am I fair to ask for the ring back?

[O5h]

My fiancé of 7y thinks she is lesbian and doesn’t see a future for us right now. She feels going through relationships she may have suppressed these feelings and after talking to a friend who is lesbian it’s made her question her feelings more. We have a 6m son, a house & planning a wedding, I’m devastated. I love her and respect her dearly. Am I wrong for asking for the engagement ring back as it was a promise we would marry and a token of my feelings for her? Should I let things settle, allow her to work out what she wants, and eventually ask for it back or leave it with her on the chance we may work in future?

Legally, no.

Emotionally, it won't help for you to have it - you can't give it to the next woman.

And demanding the money when she still has a baby to care for, one for whom you are liable for CMS, isn't going to endear you to any future girlfriends, either.

Can i ask why you want the ring back and what you are planning to do with it?

I can see why it would be a symbolic action re cancelling the wedding (on both sides tbh).
But at the same time, it nearly feels petty (and closer to a conditional gift rather than one that was made out of love iyswim)

You might want to examine why you want to ask her before doing so
(I personally wouldn’t be judging your decision and your reasons either way. And no one on here needs to know either. It’s more about being sure you are totally comfortable with that decision)

That happened to my cousin, he's never got over it.

While I was studying law, I also worked in my then best friend's uncle's jewellery store. I learnt that literally the moment you step outside the door with your diamond ring, the value of it reduces to a quarter of what you paid for it. Most jewellers won't buy back a diamond ring unless it's of extremely high quality and at least a carat in size. You may get more money if you put what they offer towards a big, better ring.

Legally, if you are in the UK, an engagement ring is considered a gift and doesn't have to be returned. Even if it's a family heirloom ... a lot of those cases end up in court.

Hopefully this ring wasn't given at Christmas or a Birthday, as so many ladies appear to be given their engagement ring at Christmas - very often in lieu of a Christmas present.

Can you ask? yes.

Does she have to? No.

An engagement ring is an absolute gift unless there was an agreement beforehand it would be returned.

Judge Judy is in the United States so not applicable here.

As pp have said, you need to focus on practicalities such as your child and your home. I hope you have some people around you to give you support.

The ring won’t be returned, you could ask for it. She won’t have to return it, it was a gift.
Not some promise of marriage, what guff people talk.

Its just a way of you expressing your annoyance with her, and is understandable, but honestly, don’t lower yourself by asking for it back, as she does not have to give it to you.

Was the ring £20k or £200. Are you financially secure?

If the amount you would get for it, secondhand, is material for you, then yes, ask for it back.

If the monetary amount is neither here nor there, then stop being petty over a piece of jewellery and focus on the real things, the baby and the house. How will both your lives work around custody of baby?

What on earth would you do with the ring?

Concentrate instead on maintaining a good co-parenting relationship . I'm sorry it's probably a gutting situation.

Oh really with a 6 months baby. Omg OP of course get the ring back. She in fact should have returned the ring without you having to ask.
What a nightmare for you. I wish you get someone who deserves your love.

It was a gift so you dont get it back.
it will make you sound petty to ask.

makes far more sense to be supportive of her right now. With a 6 month old this might not be final.

An engagement ring is a conditional gift, given in relation to the promise to marry. If she no longer wants to marry then she should have returned the ring.

OP you will obviously be heartbroken and blindsided by this declaration especially with a 6 month old in the picture but I'd be very wary of waiting for her to make her mind up. That way madness lies. She's said she thinks she a lesbian so your relationship is over anyway, she shouldn't keep you hanging around just in case she decides differently at some point in the future. You need to treat this the same way you would if she'd announced she fancies another man at work.

No as others have pointed out, it is a gift and she is not at all required to give it back.

The ring should be returned to you, yes. I'm so sorry for your pain right now. x

I think you're focused on the wrong thing here. You have a 6 month old son who you will have to parent together regardless of what happens in your relationship. I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time OP but stressing about getting her ring back would be low on my list of priorities in the circumstances.

Sorry you’re going through this but I think the ring is the least of your worries right now.

@ArnieLinson

Is an engagement ring a conditional gift UK?

In English law, there's a presumption that giving an engagement ring is a gift, so the recipient should keep it. However, that presumption is rebuttable if there's proof that giving the ring was a condition in expectation of marriage. So, if the couple don't subsequently marry, the recipient should return the ring.

What an odd thing to be concerned about?

Just let it go.

Aren't you more concerned about your baby?

Sorry about your break-up. If you are not engaged now, she is required to give it back.

Depending on where you live, the rules vary in differant places.

The ring is legally hers to keep I think .If its not too expensive ,probably leave it with her .If thousands could go to court maybe ,no guarantees though and expensive as well