Why can't my MIL LOOK forwasrd to having my ds for 1 day instead of making him visit her dp in a nursing home and stay there for 6 hours?

[DrNortherner]

Aaaargh.

MIL never helps with childcare for ds. Never. She is always my last resort to ask and so far I have managed all school hols without her help. Ds is in Yr 1.

Anyway, am stuck on Thursday as ds's school has teacher training day. Other schools in the area do not break up till thurs no no holiday clubs are running on thurs. All my friends kids are at school on Thurs so can't ask for help there.

Dh and I are already using holiday day's for the 2 second weeks and we need to save some for summer.

I told MIL she is last resort. She is doing it cause she has to basically.

Bring his Nintendo ds she says cause he will bored in the nursing home all day....

No shit Sherlock.

will she really keep him there all day ? for 6 hours?

i would think about taking a days unpaid leave if feasible

horrible day for your DS to have to endure

or is she saying it to make you rethink your options as she does not want to have DS

i would get friendly with some of the Mums and DS's school for future occasions so that you can do each other favours. You work part time, don't you? So should be able to return the favours.

Maybe seeing the little lad will cheer the old bloke up?

Do you have any friends who would take him for the morning & then the other for the afternoon?

I too struggle with childcare for odd afternoons so I know what it's like!!

I second what Bozza is saying. I have made a point of being on friendly term with the other mums, so during half term, or staff insert days, we alternate on takeing eachothers kids.

I know he's my kid. And I'm proud we do it mostly without having to involve her

And it makes it worse when I hear of other grandparents begging to take their grandkids out for the day.

Seems to me that she is being a bit selfish.. its not like you ask her all the time and you are in a desperate situation. Like you say most grandparents would love to have their grandchild for a day

What does DH have to say about it?

Do you or dh have any sisters or brothers that might have him? He could stay over the night before as well?

When I had to work last Friday & dd was off school, she stayed at my sister's house on Thursday night

I am friendly with some other mums Bozza - the ones I would ask to have him for a day are genuinly unable to help on this ocassion.

There are others who I know, but would feel abd asking. A whole day is an imposition isn't it?

Does she always spend all day in the nursing home?

I have no brothers or sisters.

Dh has abro and his wife help us alot and vice versa but they are away.
She really is my last resort.

Yes she spends all day, every day the nursing home.

Releives her of any familiy duties whatsoever....

She's hardly mother Theresa.

Who is ds's godmother?

But I know how reluctant I would feel about leaving dd or ds with someone I knew didn't want to mind them.

Just a few thoughts from her perspective - it must be dead boring for her to 'have' to visit her DPs in a nursing home - why does she have to stay for 6 hours? Does she want to, do they want her to? Is this normal for her? Could all, MIL, her parents & your DS, go out for a meal? Could you suggest that perhaps she could postpone the visit to her parents to another day & take your son to [insert fun activity]

If it's been a while since you've looked after small dch it can be a daunting prospect.

Without knowing anything at all about your MIL's partner, I know that at one point my mum would have been hard pushed to look after my children for a whole day because she had to go and see my Grandad, who otherwise got very distressed.

any mumsnetters near you?

Sorry, just realised that it's DP & not parents . Ignore me. Tra la laaa...

Why 6 hours??
MIL visited FIL in his home everyday for a couple of hours and that was plenty.

Actually your ds might enjoy it-loads of space and a grateful captive audience desperate for a bit of a diversion in such places.

Is she OK? I mean, 6 hours all day every day is a lot.

Children are v. popular in nursing homes IME. Even if a baby in a pink dress is habitually referred to as "he" . But 6 hours is pushing it I think. A visit of one hour would be reasonable IMO.

Oh she is fine.

It is her DP she visits. She has put him in a home that costs over £1000 per week so she can spend her days in luxury, having the staff run after her with cappucino's and brandy.

As I said before, she does not need to be there all day. If her friends are having a boozy lunch in town she can always make it.

Unyet she can't pick up her grand kids from school cause she has to feed her dp

Is there really no-one else who could look after your DS?. If this is not possible I'd ask for unpaid leave for this day.

Nursing homes can be intimidating places at the best of times for adults let alone young children. In my experience of these places the elderly residents could not abide children at all.

It does sound as if there are things going on that she hasn't explained to you. Fair enough, her business, but a) she can't expect you to understand why she doesn't offer to babysit, and b) you have to accept that there are things shge's not explaining. Hope that makes sense.

I have come to the conclusion that many, many problems could be alleviated/solved if only people would communicate more; you & her, Israelis & Palestinians Just talk it through!!