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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend behaviour

45 replies

Purplestarsinthesky · 12/01/2024 17:19

Been together 3 years. He was perfect when we met but now it's like he's done a 180. He constantly talks to me about other women in a sexual way and says I have male friends so he can do this as most boyfreiends would not be happy with me. He gives me dirty looks and calls me a slut when I talk to other men. Wants to come over unannounced for 5 min here and there even when I have my little boy here and he says the fact he can't pop over makes him feel I'm hiding something and im cheating. He says most men wouldn't want me.

He came to collect me from work once and a male colleague checked I was OK as was at 10pm and he was so angry whilst I drove back he shouted at me thr whole time and scared me. I took time from my studies to have my boy so I'm delayed professionally (happy where I am though) and he says I've achieved nothing (he has just quit his job due to bullying boss and only successful job he had was in his dad's department). He also lived at home until he's 40 and has been in trouble with police a couple of times but if I was to bring this up he'd say I was being horrible. He says everything nice we have he's done such as go away (once) or events etc and I'd be a terrible wife because I'm not traditional. I'm so unhappy I feel I've lost who I am. I don't know why he constantly puts me down all the time and if I stand up for myself he ignores me for days. Am I really so unlikeable? He says he's suing his old boss and police at thr same time I don't know why. He says I'm crazy. My head is fried.

OP posts:
plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 17:22

where to start

FayCarew · 12/01/2024 17:23

You don't live with him and he's not your child's father. Dump him.

SamW98 · 12/01/2024 17:23

Why are you still with this abusive controlling bully?

VeryQuaintIrene · 12/01/2024 17:24

He sounds absolutely dire on so many levels. Please get rid now.

Janetsmug · 12/01/2024 17:26

You should be running away from this man as fast as your legs will carry you. You have a little boy, don't let him grow up thinking this is how to be a man, you both deserve so much better.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/01/2024 17:26

Op, come on now. Dump him immediately and block. He's a fucking monster.

BlobOut · 12/01/2024 17:30

Surely you'll read back what you've written and realise this man is no good for you? He sounds vile! Pull yourself together and get out of this awful, controlling relationship. I'm sure he was perfect when you met him, as that wasn't the real him. This is.

Singingasong · 12/01/2024 17:35

Have you not considered leaving him? Like now, today.

Coconutter24 · 12/01/2024 17:36

Why do you stay with him?

LaughingAtClowns · 12/01/2024 17:36

Get rid. This person is not good for you, and certainly not good to be around your son.

Justcallmebebes · 12/01/2024 17:37

I don't understand why you would let someone treat you this way. You're not married, don't live together and he's not your son's father. Just tell him to fuck off and block him

I thought you were going to say he was in his 20's or thereabouts. He's 40 odd? He's a fucking loser

ohdamnitjanet · 12/01/2024 17:38

What on earth do you think anyone on Mumsnet is going to say? Marry him?

Raspberrymoon49 · 12/01/2024 17:39

If a friend told you this sorry story surely you’d advise them to leave, he’s a creep, get rid and stay away from him

SpringleDingle · 12/01/2024 17:42

Run run as fast as you can
Far away from this abusive man!
⛳️🏃‍♂️⛳️🏃‍♂️⛳️🏃‍♂️⛳️🏃‍♂️⛳️🏃‍♂️

Catoo · 12/01/2024 17:43

I mean, if this is actually real, it’s in the bin with him OP.

Get rid and move on. He’s a turd

Daleksatemyshed · 12/01/2024 17:45

Do your DS a favour, dump this man, your boy doesn't need a twat like that a role model

Guavafish1 · 12/01/2024 17:46

He is disgusting and making your life harder

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 12/01/2024 17:49

You know that he hasn't actually done a 180? He was presenting you with a false persona to reel you in, and now he has shown his true colours. This nasty, jealous man is who he is. If you're not strong enough to get rid of him for your own sake, please do it for your DC's sake.

Blueeyedmale · 12/01/2024 17:52

Of course your head is fried beacuse you are with a pig of a man who calls you names beacuse you dare to have friends.

He has no respect for women he just sexually objectifies them.your life and that of your dc will be so much better again you will begin to have confidence in yourself and feel good about yourself.bin him you deserve better.

Offthepath · 12/01/2024 17:53

LTB
Then do the freedom program
Then find the lovely guy you deserve. But don't skip the freedom program first.

lapsedrdwhoenthusiast · 12/01/2024 17:53

calls me a slut
scared me
he says I've achieved nothing
he constantly puts me down all the time
if I stand up for myself he ignores me for days

OP, look at what you've said. What would you say to a friend who said their boyfriend was treating them like this?

You deserve so much better.

Cuppachuchu · 12/01/2024 17:57

LTB, ASAP. That is all.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 12/01/2024 17:57

Another OP who very clearly sets out the (many) ways her boyfriend is an abusive bully, yet apparently doesn't know what to do.
🤔

SamW98 · 12/01/2024 17:58

He hasn’t done a 180 this is who he is. The man you fell for doesn’t exist.

Thats what abusers do. They put in an act to reel you in then once you’re hooked they slowly turn on you, bully you, intimate you, degrade and dehumanise you until you’re completely dependent on them.

Get your self respect back and bin this fucking loser. If not for you then think of what this is doing to your son. Is the the male role model you want him to emulate?

plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 18:00

Crikeyisthatthetime · 12/01/2024 17:57

Another OP who very clearly sets out the (many) ways her boyfriend is an abusive bully, yet apparently doesn't know what to do.
🤔

and will likely go on to have children with him