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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend behaviour

45 replies

Purplestarsinthesky · 12/01/2024 17:19

Been together 3 years. He was perfect when we met but now it's like he's done a 180. He constantly talks to me about other women in a sexual way and says I have male friends so he can do this as most boyfreiends would not be happy with me. He gives me dirty looks and calls me a slut when I talk to other men. Wants to come over unannounced for 5 min here and there even when I have my little boy here and he says the fact he can't pop over makes him feel I'm hiding something and im cheating. He says most men wouldn't want me.

He came to collect me from work once and a male colleague checked I was OK as was at 10pm and he was so angry whilst I drove back he shouted at me thr whole time and scared me. I took time from my studies to have my boy so I'm delayed professionally (happy where I am though) and he says I've achieved nothing (he has just quit his job due to bullying boss and only successful job he had was in his dad's department). He also lived at home until he's 40 and has been in trouble with police a couple of times but if I was to bring this up he'd say I was being horrible. He says everything nice we have he's done such as go away (once) or events etc and I'd be a terrible wife because I'm not traditional. I'm so unhappy I feel I've lost who I am. I don't know why he constantly puts me down all the time and if I stand up for myself he ignores me for days. Am I really so unlikeable? He says he's suing his old boss and police at thr same time I don't know why. He says I'm crazy. My head is fried.

OP posts:
FruitBowlCrazy · 12/01/2024 18:04

My head is fried

Yes, and he's the one holding the frying pan and turning the heat up.

Anneta · 12/01/2024 18:04

Read your post back to yourself.

LightSpeeds · 12/01/2024 18:07

"Am I really so unlikeable?"

Why are you blaming yourself for this? Your partner is a monster. Get out now and don't lose any more of your life or self-esteem on him.

Dacadactyl · 12/01/2024 18:12

You have a child. Please do not subject your child to this man.

Leave. You're not the problem, your "boyfriend" is.

Raspberrymoon49 · 12/01/2024 21:48

This site overrun with postings about vile men lately, surely it has to be obvious to those posting that they’re with a complete bastard, I get that gas lighting, etc, really messes with your mind, have been on the receiving end, but it has to be glaringly obvious that these disgusting men are completely no good

Opentooffers · 12/01/2024 22:45

There's a simple get-out, stand up for yourself and while he's being silent just block him on everything. He may well start stalking you as he is clearly a control freak so report any ensuing incidents to 101 if in UK.
How long out of 3 years has he been like this? Probably love-bombed you at the start, so I'm sure you thought he was lovely.
Somehow, you've ended up believing his bs, when from an outside pov, he's an off the wall nutter.

plumberdrain · 13/01/2024 06:20

Your little boy will no doubt grow up thinking this is how women expect men to behave.

And the women love these men for it.

So much so that they drag their shitty relationships in to the lives of their precious and utterly innocent children

frozendaisy · 13/01/2024 06:52

So after 3 years you know you aren't compatible so you end it.

This is putting aside how nasty he is. And he sounds just nasty inside and out

Let him waltz off to the sunset with his friends to find his perfect woman that doesn't exist and you enjoy moving up the career ladder and looking after your boy.

The guy from work who came out to check you were OK, is he single he sounds much better?

Shoxfordian · 13/01/2024 07:11

Ltb ASAP
Freedom programme
Dump him

plumberdrain · 13/01/2024 07:20

frozendaisy · 13/01/2024 06:52

So after 3 years you know you aren't compatible so you end it.

This is putting aside how nasty he is. And he sounds just nasty inside and out

Let him waltz off to the sunset with his friends to find his perfect woman that doesn't exist and you enjoy moving up the career ladder and looking after your boy.

The guy from work who came out to check you were OK, is he single he sounds much better?

don’t encourage her for heavens sake

just finish it Op and be on your own with your son and sort your head out

BillieB1987 · 13/01/2024 08:25

Get rid

Olika · 13/01/2024 08:43

I am in complete loss why you are with him at all. Just get rid of him asap.

Penguinsmum · 13/01/2024 08:45

I feel so sad reading this. Raise your standards. You have a son who needs to be put first.

SallyWD · 13/01/2024 08:48

It's bad enough that you're choosing to be with him, but exposing your son to this horrible man is just unforgivable. Please split up with him otherwise your son will have a miserable life. Always put your child bed before a man.

RedHelenB · 13/01/2024 08:56

FayCarew · 12/01/2024 17:23

You don't live with him and he's not your child's father. Dump him.

Succinct advice. I hope you heed it. Its beyond me why the first time he called you vile names OP you didn't finish with him

RedHelenB · 13/01/2024 08:58

SamW98 · 12/01/2024 17:58

He hasn’t done a 180 this is who he is. The man you fell for doesn’t exist.

Thats what abusers do. They put in an act to reel you in then once you’re hooked they slowly turn on you, bully you, intimate you, degrade and dehumanise you until you’re completely dependent on them.

Get your self respect back and bin this fucking loser. If not for you then think of what this is doing to your son. Is the the male role model you want him to emulate?

Not much of an act , he's taken her away once I doubt he treated her like a princess at the start.

Bananalanacake · 13/01/2024 09:21

Don't let him move in with you, like ever

SmugglersHaunt · 13/01/2024 09:34

You deserve so much better. Dump him and run away. Then run away a bit further. Then maybe stop running to give him the finger. Then run on.

gettingolderbutcooler · 13/01/2024 10:10

plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 17:22

where to start

😂

BlobOut · 14/01/2024 14:18

RedHelenB · 13/01/2024 08:58

Not much of an act , he's taken her away once I doubt he treated her like a princess at the start.

I'd definitely rather be treated with respect and as an equal than a princess that's for sure. Men paying to take you away at the beginning of a relationship is personally a red flag on both sides. Stand on your own two feet and get to know someone properly first.

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