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Original poster

Online dating weirdness

34 replies

lackofvitamindd · 09/01/2024 20:30

Ok. So just to caveat this - I'm not really bothered more baffled about something ...

So first time ever online (after 10 year relationship) start talking to a guy, nice looking seems we have stuff in common - great!!

Decent chat with a lot of sexual convo, loves his meat and two veg likes to talk about it a lot BUT will also have a decent chat.
After 4 months doesn't seem to want to meet me.

Will always says things implying he can't wait to meet me, wishes he could see me (apparently is away a lot) but on the one occasion I suggested it 'forgot' we'd sorted that date (didn't stand me up as hadn't sort a time or place).

Oh and also will only speak to me on the app, won't exchange numbers yet - to keep us both safe.

It's just weird - why?! He clearly doesn't want to meet so why waste his time. If he wanted to get his leg over let's be honest he'd have had it by now!!!

I can't work out if it's a fetish or he has a girlfriend or something else....

So why do we think?!

OP posts:
Blahblahblah245 · 09/01/2024 20:33

Just plain odd. Run don’t walk! Don’t waste anymore time!!

crochetmonkey74 · 09/01/2024 20:35

He's married

SnackQueen · 09/01/2024 20:45

Married and using online dating sites for attention and to flirt and talk dirty with other women behind his poor unsuspecting wife's back. He keeps it secret because he knows his wife will go mental but he probably doesn't feel that guilty about his 'hobby', telling himself that it's not really cheating because he doesn't actually meet up with the women. This is so fucking common and it is fucking depressing.

AsMyGranWouldSay · 09/01/2024 20:48

Yeah he's in a relationship and enjoying the kicks. Probably goes online more when she's "made him angry"..that type.

Don't be too disappointed, he's probably much older than he says and looks nothing like his profile picture.

Just move on.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/01/2024 20:49

It's so obvious he's married! Basically he's using you like a free only fans.

Original poster
lackofvitamindd · 09/01/2024 20:50

OMG
Yes your all right, eugh what a scum bag..!! I'd gathered nothing was going to come of it but just wondered what it was all about!!

Bloody weirdo!!

Lesson learnt....! I wish I had some way of contacting his partner.. !

On to the next online disaster 😬🤦🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
fixingmylife · 09/01/2024 20:50

move on unless you are looking for a penfriend. He might be married, lonely, or whatever, but you need to get off the online chat fast if you are going to do online dating, in my personal experience. you can't tell very much about a person just through texts..

PoisonMaple · 09/01/2024 20:51

How are you still entertaining this!!!???

Drop the fool and don't waste anymore time on him.

Original poster
lackofvitamindd · 09/01/2024 20:54

PoisonMaple · 09/01/2024 20:51

How are you still entertaining this!!!???

Drop the fool and don't waste anymore time on him.

I'm not really to bothered so have replied when he's messaged but not instigated anything for a while. I was just say thinking how weird the whole situation is..!

I've just deleted him - felt good 💪🏼

OP posts:
lenalemonade · 09/01/2024 21:05

Married and using you for thrills /ego boost .

SamW98 · 09/01/2024 21:05

My OLD rule is no more than 2 weeks chatting without meeting unless there’s a very good reason.
More than 2 weeks and they’re stalling - bye bye

And yes this one sounds like a bored attached bloke who gets off on dirty talk to strangers.

Id also say from experience that the ones who go straight to sex talk before meeting are showing you that’s all they’re after. Great if you’re only after someone casual but if you want anything more than a hook up, then they’re not the one.

Ialwaystry · 09/01/2024 21:07

He's talking to you when he's horny and full of bravado. Then has the guilts and has a partner so is ashamed

B1rd · 09/01/2024 23:26

If you get his phone number, then you're more likely to find him on all sorts of social media which suggests that he's not single.

Pinkbonbon · 09/01/2024 23:46

Never talk to anyone for more than a week without meeting. 2 at max.

2 or 3 conversations ten set a time and place.

Lots of people online ONLY to talk. Narcissistic sorts that do it for ego strokes. Probably 1 in 4 people on dating apps.

Ellie6489 · 09/01/2024 23:59

SnackQueen · 09/01/2024 20:45

Married and using online dating sites for attention and to flirt and talk dirty with other women behind his poor unsuspecting wife's back. He keeps it secret because he knows his wife will go mental but he probably doesn't feel that guilty about his 'hobby', telling himself that it's not really cheating because he doesn't actually meet up with the women. This is so fucking common and it is fucking depressing.

You've got it exactly. Pretty sure this is what is going on and what his intentions are.

Opentooffers · 10/01/2024 00:06

Good god woman! 4 months! I hope you've been talking to others too or you'll be working at snail pace. If a meet has not been arranged after 2 weeks chat, move on - next! Life's too short.

Opentooffers · 10/01/2024 00:08

Oh and if you are just after sex, then crack on with the sex chat, but otherwise, never before meeting.

Ellie6489 · 10/01/2024 00:13

lackofvitamindd · 09/01/2024 20:50

OMG
Yes your all right, eugh what a scum bag..!! I'd gathered nothing was going to come of it but just wondered what it was all about!!

Bloody weirdo!!

Lesson learnt....! I wish I had some way of contacting his partner.. !

On to the next online disaster 😬🤦🏽‍♀️

This exact thing happened to me before I met my DH.

The last time I had talked to a guy through online dating was when MySpace was around. It's completely different now.

A guy messaged me and after a few days of exchanging pleasantries (no sex talk), one of the first questions he asked was if I wanted to see his dick. Like an idiot I said yes, I thought it was strange but I was curious. Why not??? He ended up being married, wife didn't satisfy him, and would constantly say he wanted to do this and that with me but nothing ever happened. He also had others but he said I was his "priority" 🤢

Call me naive, but that's when I found out there's this whole sexting culture of people seeking instant gratification, perfect for cake eaters. There's hardly any serious men out there, majority are only interested in sexting. They've invaded every social media app just like they did chat rooms from way back when.

harerunner · 10/01/2024 06:44

I can't believe you've been doing this for 4 months - that means you started this in early September! 4 weeks would have been too long! And you bought his bullshit about "keeping you safe" by staying on the app!

harerunner · 10/01/2024 06:46

A guy messaged me and after a few days of exchanging pleasantries (no sex talk), one of the first questions he asked was if I wanted to see his dick. Like an idiot I said yes, I thought it was strange but I was curious. Why not???

My god - he must have thought he'd hit the jackpot! The odds of a woman saying yes to that are probably not much different to winning the lottery!

2Old2Tango · 10/01/2024 07:11

Are you sure they were even photos of him? If he's not attached already and bored, then he's a sad old loser who can't get female attention IRL, so pretends to be someone else.

Sweden99 · 10/01/2024 07:55

SnackQueen · 09/01/2024 20:45

Married and using online dating sites for attention and to flirt and talk dirty with other women behind his poor unsuspecting wife's back. He keeps it secret because he knows his wife will go mental but he probably doesn't feel that guilty about his 'hobby', telling himself that it's not really cheating because he doesn't actually meet up with the women. This is so fucking common and it is fucking depressing.

Yes.
Fear of being exposed.

fixingmylife · 10/01/2024 09:12

Just reading through the comments and advice on this thread. I think it should be made public for teenage girls (and boys probably) as a topic for education on on the ridiculousness of it all. It would be valuable to learn from this in an informal discussion for curious school age kids on the matter of relationships because even they would surely see that it would be futile to keep a conversation like this going for 4 months! Women need to do better with this stuff. Men will probably never learn, but there should still be hope for the next generation! :-)

SamW98 · 10/01/2024 09:13

OP have you ever even spoken on the phone or is this purely a sexting thing?

Think everyone agrees he’s either attached or a catfish and he just wants someone to be his wank fodder.

Please say you’ve not sent nudes?

Original poster
lackofvitamindd · 10/01/2024 09:49

We've spoken on video chat so he's not catfishing but definitely, I'm now thinking attached.

No never sent nudes - though he has asked. Looking back every picture he's ever sent doesn't have his face on..!!

Also I've only carried on as I'm not that bothered/desperate to meet someone.

Why are people so odd.

Thanks for your replies, a real eye opener.

X

OP posts:
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