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Original poster

I've lost my friend to a narcissist

84 replies

Thingumabob · 09/01/2024 11:05

A good friend, one of the very few I have, has started a relationship with a narcissist. There's no doubt in my mind whatsoever that he's a narcissist; he has all the traits: arrogance & utter self-centredness he imagines he conceals behind a facade of likeability and bonhomie that I find sickening. He's helping her in her career, and is also working to separate her from her friends - at least, those who don't buy his BS.

I'm dumbfounded because my friend is the last person I'd ever imagine falling for a narcissist. She's smart, funny, warm - and so emotionally intelligent; 3 months ago I'd have laughed at anyone who suggested she might give this guy the time of day. But he's clearly found a vulnerability, as narcissists do.

My problem is, what do I do? Half of me wants to run 10 miles from all this, but I can't as we all work for the same company. And half of me wants to rescue her, but I can't because she's drunk too much Kool-Aid. I tell her straight he's a narcissist. We've both known him for years, and identified him as a complete asshole, but now she tells me I don't understand him. I've lost my friend, haven't I?

OP posts:
NCforthisone24 · 09/01/2024 22:20

I feel like I know this couple as all the details match someone I know; private healthcare company? Lady a vegetarian who is now saying she is going to start eating bacon sarnies!!!?? If not apologies! But if it is the same couple I completely agree that he is a narc and manipulating her...

Original poster
Thingumabob · 09/01/2024 23:50

@plumberdrain This is the last time I'll respond to you. You're purporting to find inconsistencies where there are none. This is just a game to you. There are no mysteries here for you to 'uncover', only a personal tragedy you don't give a shit about. I don't have to explain myself to you; you're not helping me & you've slagged me off from the get-go, replying within 1 minute of my original post. You have no interest in helping me, only in lurking & criticising. Get a life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thingumabob · 09/01/2024 23:52

@TeapotTitties Why d'you think?

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 09/01/2024 23:53

Thingumabob · 09/01/2024 23:52

@TeapotTitties Why d'you think?

I genuinely, hand on heart don't know?

Are they having an affair or not?

If so, I'm pretty sure a lot of us on this thread wouldn't have given a shit about either of them.

Josette77 · 10/01/2024 00:09

They are both cheating and she told you even though you aren't that close?
Affairs aren't usually public like this. I call bs.

plumberdrain · 10/01/2024 06:05

TeapotTitties · 09/01/2024 23:53

I genuinely, hand on heart don't know?

Are they having an affair or not?

If so, I'm pretty sure a lot of us on this thread wouldn't have given a shit about either of them.

Show quote history

this

plumberdrain · 10/01/2024 06:06

Josette77 · 10/01/2024 00:09

They are both cheating and she told you even though you aren't that close?
Affairs aren't usually public like this. I call bs.

brace yourself

ps even though in early post only workplace mates it has now evolved in to weddings, hospital visits and BFFs

plumberdrain · 10/01/2024 06:07

Thingumabob · 09/01/2024 19:23

@plumberdrain What is it with your banging on about my friendship 'only' being in the context of work? So what? I've known this person for 30 years. I went to her wedding; I visited her in hospital when she was ill; we've been through thick and thin together. Could you just accept that, in a post that says 'A good friend', that she is just that? Sure, I was disappointed she didn't call when I was off sick, but that doesn't mean she wasn't, isn't or is no longer going to be my friend. This is what some people's friendships look like; sorry we don't live in the same street and pop in on each other for a cup of sugar; busy lives, distance & lack of money mean that sometimes this is what you've got.

Majority? Just under half of the posts on this thread are suggesting I may be reading it wrong, but the majority of them are yours, @plumberdrain so you fell just short of giving full support to your own opinion and calling it the consensus.

So far on this thread asking for advice re losing a good friend to an unpleasant guy - the sort of guy there are literally thousands of threads about on MN - responses have included:

• You're wrong
• You don't understand narcissism
• You're angry
• You're possessive
• Are you sure she's a real friend?
• You're letting your friend down
• It's your fault for not calling out his behaviour
• It's your fault they're together
• You're being rude
• You're unqualified to judge him
• You love drama
• You don't have a problem
• Butt out
• He might be a nice fun guy
• Your nose is out of joint bc noone called when you were ill (gleaned from another thread)
• Stop banging on about Narcs, I'm bored of them
• Stop slagging off her bf
• You're the narcissist
• You're dismissive
• You're pathetically jealous
• You flounced
• I doubt your friend gives a hoot

I dunno, is that about average for MN these days?

But thank you @pickledandpuzzled @Atethehalloweenchocs @Uricon2 @Quitelikeit @Theunamedcat @RosaCaramella @HebeJeeby @GoldDuster @Spirallingdownwards @Pinkbonbon @TotallyForgettableForNow @Bookworm1111

i applaud the effort that went in to this post (missing out that majority of posters (not posts!) essentially agree that she no longer agrees with your judgement of him and you’re having a hissy fit)

AnnieMacWhyNot · 14/03/2024 14:48

Thingumabob · 09/01/2024 11:05

A good friend, one of the very few I have, has started a relationship with a narcissist. There's no doubt in my mind whatsoever that he's a narcissist; he has all the traits: arrogance & utter self-centredness he imagines he conceals behind a facade of likeability and bonhomie that I find sickening. He's helping her in her career, and is also working to separate her from her friends - at least, those who don't buy his BS.

I'm dumbfounded because my friend is the last person I'd ever imagine falling for a narcissist. She's smart, funny, warm - and so emotionally intelligent; 3 months ago I'd have laughed at anyone who suggested she might give this guy the time of day. But he's clearly found a vulnerability, as narcissists do.

My problem is, what do I do? Half of me wants to run 10 miles from all this, but I can't as we all work for the same company. And half of me wants to rescue her, but I can't because she's drunk too much Kool-Aid. I tell her straight he's a narcissist. We've both known him for years, and identified him as a complete asshole, but now she tells me I don't understand him. I've lost my friend, haven't I?

This post hurts because I was on the receiving end of a Narcissistic friend for 7 years, they coerced me out of £14.5k, I lost my career, my family and friends walked away and I had to re-build my life. I'm surprised my husband didn't leave me tbh. I was speaking to my sister about this subject the other day and I said to her even if someone had shaken me and told me what he was like I wouldn't have listened. Sadly, the narcissist will have your friend under their control until they are ready to move on. All I can say is be there for her unless it gets too much. My friends tried so desperately hard to make me see sense but I wouldn't until it was too late. It's heartbreaking but just let her know you will be there for her if she ever needs to talk. It's horrendous :(

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