My life blew up

[Ladyinturmoil]

november 22 , boy (married) chances his luck with me (married) end up kissing long story short. We were together a couple of times when very young, also he is a nearby neighbour. Chased me when younger at 18. But we were young etc.
fast forward that night, i asked what was it with us, he said we have a connection etc. last time about 19/20 we kissed and we both had partners too.
absolutely no contact since then. Didnt exchange numbers etc. moved on for the year. Just last week i got his number and rang him after greeting him at a funeral. He had a few words with my dad. They both love each other. I dont know what came over me. I cant explain it. I honestly cant. He text me two mins later to say he was in the pub with my brother and said “well, how are you? here in with … and co..
i didnt give him my number?
i reolied and said i was just ok and then said i would leave them to it…
2 hours later he text and asked if i was in homeplace ? And i said no i was in X with friends for night. (I lied because i didnt know what to say)
he said enjoy, have a good night. I replied thanks with a teary face. He replied immediately with whats up? I didn’t reply then 10 mins later asking can he ring me? I didnt reply.
met him following night, he was on date for dinner with the wife.
the following day i asked text him to give me a buzz last week if it suited. He replied a few mins later saying “OK, will do….
that will be two weeks next fri so had a feeling he wouldnt call me . I feel like a complete fool to be honest. I actually dont know why i rang him in first place , dont know what came over me.
he hasnt blocked me and we are still friends on FB.
there has always been something there, i cant explain it nor can i move on from it. Obviously i wont be contacting him again but my head is a mess. Help me see sense. Why did he have my number?

Are you 13?

OP, have you been drinking? Because you're not making much sense.

Honestly grow up you sound like my 10 year old I'm in love then 2 days later she hates him you sound so immature

If you want to regain your dignity, leave him alone, block his number and get on with your life.

Yes you are star crossed lovers and the best thing to do is get him to turn up at your house riding a white steed and scoop you up and ride off into the sunset where you will live happily ever after in La La land. 🙄

From what you've said I'm not even sure what you're emabarssed about tbh.

You phoned him when drunk. He invited you to the pub with him and your own brother. You sent a crying emoji, were drunk and had just attended a funeral - sounds like he just wanted to check you were ok. This could all be totally innocent and platonic on his part?

What am I missing that's so inappropriate that it means your marriage is over? Other than you fantasising over a married man of course!

This sounds very stressful OP.

I wouldn’t read too much into why he still has your number, if I went through my phone I’ve got all sorts in there reaching years back, under obscure names like ‘eBay jon’ and ‘kay Bedford conference’ I’m just not motivated enough to delete people. I’d urge you not to talk yourself into thinking he’s kept your number because he can’t live without you. If that were true he’d have made a move to end his marriage in November 2022.

You haven’t mentioned what your marriage is like & if you want to stay in it, but realistically if this scally will only kiss you when you are both in relationships with other people, then he’s no honour, no real intentions to do much beyond give you a kiss every decade or so. I wouldn’t hedge my bets on this man.

I hope you’re okay, he does sound a bit of a head-Fuck but he can only be as significant as you let him be.

Why did you send him a crying face?!

I guess the bottom line is you prefer him to your DH or you wouldn’t be giving phone calls and emojis headspace.

Hi op, I think you need to ask yourself what the issues are in your marriage that means it's down the drain? Is it because you've lost yourself in this escapist fantasy and have started to emotionally withdraw yourself from your own spouse or are there separate issues you're having with your other half. In which case I suggest you take the effort you're putting into this fantasy and put it into resolving the issues in your marriage or walking away if they are unresolvable.

I think you need to think a bit more about this man's wife, who he loves, who he's promised to respect and be faithful to, who he's married and built a life with and who probably doesn't deserve to have someone obsessing over her husband.

The 'one who got away' is often a case of the grass is greener. You'll see your husband warts and all, but you'll get a filtered snapshot of this guy so if you're making comparisons your husband will never win against a fantasy version of someone you've created in your mind. So you need to recognise this as infatuation and separate it from your marriage and decide if you want to work on things with your other half or not. Either way you are putting far, far too much headspace into this and it's not serving you well.

Could be that his wife saw your messages and deleted your number from his phone @Ladyinturmoil

Are you 13?!

@Ladyinturmoil, your timeline is a bit hard to follow, but I gather that:

You kissed this married man on November 22 and have
run into/called/exchanged messages with him since. You saw each other recently when he was out with his Wife. You later messaged him to get in touch and he said okay, but hasn’t followed through. You feel foolish.

You are convinced that you share a connection, and are ruminating over how he got your number and what his prompt responses mean. None of that matters. You share an attraction. So what? He’s not a good guy, and he’s
off-limits.

@Ladyinturmoil, you have cheated on your spouses and they don’t deserve that utter disrespect and contempt. You are harming not only them, but also yourself. Either sort your marriage or leave it in a decent manner. Pursuing thrills and validation with this faithless man is not the answer.

Aren’t you better than this?

Forget about him, he’s married for a start.
So are you so sort your own marriage out first, put some effort into saving it or take steps to end it if it’s not salvageable before throwing shade at someone else.
He had your number because you rang him and he’s saved it.

Don’t know how people are replying with actual advice (kudos) , I can’t make heads nor tails of this odd post!

Your post said he was in the pub with your brother - surely that’s where he got the number from?

exactly what I wanted to write

Huh?

He has your number because you called him from it.
You seem to be making this out to be far more than it is. You’re attention seeking (teary face emoji, why?) and dramatic (marriage down the tubes).

If you want your dignity to remain in tact then stop messaging.

I was just dozing off until that 🤣

😂 I couldn’t understand this thread at all.

OP should make more sense in the morning

Same here.

🍿

met him following night, he was on date for dinner with the wife.

With his wife, not the wife. You both might be treating her like shit on your shoes, but she is an innocent human being with dignity.

How did that meet-up occur? Were you actually in her presence? If so, did you feel any remorse or empathy for her?

Where does your husband fit into all this?