Would these be a marriage breaker

[outyonder]

I'll list them

Husband and me been together 25 years
Married for 6
Two children aged 9 and 15
He's a high earner works away
I'm stay at home mum to give consistency ( youngest is additional needs ) redundancy 4 years ago and husband taking job away

We agreed to him going away for two weeks abroad without us to visit family , he's just informed me it's now 25 days because he's tagged something else on
Not with family just him

For Christmas he bought me some silver earrings reduced to £20 in the sale ( they are pretty non descript tbh ) he's bought his 18 year old niece a Lancôme gift set at £70

He's now arranged for his parents to visit us the last weekend before he goes away on his holiday , we discussed it and I said it would be nice to have a family day / meal out before he goes away so no because his parents are v high maintenance, don't interact with the kids and our eldest starts mocks the next day . They will be with him for 2 weeks while he's away .

Last week he quizzed me where " all the money was " I only spend his money on food . If we eat out I insist on paying for myself or refuse to go . I have my own cash from a rental property , it's only £400 but it's enough for me .

Yesterday he told me he wasn't going to buy a prom dress for our eldest as it was too expensive

He is spending thousands on this holiday for himself

I'm so mad I can barely speak to him

I've been with my DH for a similar length of time. Yes, I'd be seriously considering the future of our marriage if he behaved like this.

These would all be marriage breakers for me.

I'd be having a sit down and a good chat to tell him how fuming I was and what he needed to do to fix it. Do it calmly, don't get angry. Just lay it all out and if he doesn't change, then he doesn't care.

That's bullshit OP. Don't listen to her. You're married.

Even married people work you know. Some even have independence and self respect.

OP asked for opinions. That’s mine, no need to be rude.

He makes Scrooge sound generous.

Yes, I think it would be for me. He doesn't seem bothered about you at all and being tight fisted with the kids whilst splashing out on himself is horrible. What a jerk.

Thankyou

I did work for 35 years , was main bread winner , professional career , own home owner .
Stepped back from work as turning 50 and made redundant . I have no hang ups about not working and my not working has progressed my husband's opportunities .

That’s pretty awful, I’d be out of there.
I travel alone occasionally, but so does DW and we always plan trips together.

He sounds like a piss taker.

I wouldn't have been "rude" if you hadn't already been: "Why not work and have some independence and self respect?" is a direct quote and is rude in the extreme.

One of the children has extra needs and child care would be damn difficult as I know to well

How has your husband’s career progression (the one you helped him achieve) worked for you OP?

I disagree, it was my requested opinion and suggested an alternative.

I don’t need to argue with someone with so little intellect they need swear.

@Hatenewyear I'm not arguing with you, just explaining that you were rude.

Have a lovely evening.

His career progression has allowed him to spend money on renovation of our house and got him into debt without my knowledge
My house that I owned got us the deposit for our house .

I would gladly sell the house and live in a small house. I could make anywhere a home , I could easily single parent , just need to make the solicitor appointment

What an unnecessarily rude comment.

Doesn’t sound like a benefit to you OP? Still failing to see how you helping with his career progression has helped you in any way.

Divorce him, take half of all assets ( and then some as you'll be with the DC's virtually full-time no doubt).
You'll be much better off as he's financially abusing you. Tbh, it looks like he's already checked out as he's showing such little respect for you and your family. Unfortunately, probably intending to meet up with OW whilst away and he's invited the family and is being shit to you to ensure that the last thing you want off him is sex as he's likely getting it elsewhere now.
Get your ducks in a row and a SHL (shit hot lawyer) whilst he's away. No need to tip him off before he goes, he'll find out soon enough when he sees you've spent 'his' money on solicitors fees.

@Hatenewyear

I'm unsure what your comment means

" how has his career progression helped me "

Please clarify

I don't know the level of additional needs this family is coping with, but in some cases (like my family) there is literally no care for the children other than school. I work (part time) but it's an absolute nightmare and my husband and I get a tiny amount of time off together. Most of the families at my son's school have only one working parent for this reason.
It's not always a lifestyle choice!

Get those finances checked out op. He’s a high earner yet is in debt, but can still afford nearly a month holiday? Those things don’t add up. The fact you have another home and paid the deposit on the one you share, yet he’s not sharing his high earnings, be careful and be savvy.

Will the extra be part of his annual leave?

It's pretty shitty to be away that long tbh.

Why do you think those that stay at home to raise their children have no self respect or should be treated as lesser beings?

OP you say you assisted his career progression - I’m asking how this has helped you in the long run? Your post tells us he’s mean, selfish and only thinks of himself.

Something isn’t quite ringing true with your story. A successful ‘breadwinner’ as you describe yourself would not just throw it all away for this sort of man. Redundancy doesn’t equal the end of a career.

Think you have hit MN bingo there. Congrats.
(you could also mention red flags, spidey senses, run for the hills, and LTB).