Do any other women ignore this stuff ?

[Millymollymaisy]

Been with DP for 10 years . A year ago I found out he was liking and following pages on Facebook of half naked women ( in sexy lingerie / dancing / those kind of videos ) I kicked off as it’s a public platform and pages whereas watching porn ( I know he does to some level ) is more discreet. He unfollowed these and the couple times I’ve seen his phone there hasn’t been anything to see

last night I was able to see his Facebook history and once again in it there is a 3 unfollows of these kind of pages again. No liking of photos no comments no interactions no messages to any women but the three pages he had unfollowed were the same kind of thing and to unfollow means you had to be following at some point …

part of me says bring it back up, have the argument but the other part thinks he’s not actually following them at this point , there was nothing that really closed the line . I get men have fantasy and they are so different wired to women in terms of this behaviour but I don’t know what to do.

do I check again ina week and see ? Take it from there or admit I’ve gone through this phone and seen the same type of behaviour I’ve seen a while ago where I made my feelings very very clear about it affecting me .

for me the struggle is do you really need to be someone in their 40’s who cannot admire without having to like / follow on a public platform

what have you done / what would you do
thanks

Do you really want to spend your life policing what he does? It's really not healthy. It'll make you hyper vigilant and anxious for one thing.

Wow, he sounds a bit of a creep to be following women on socials just to peeve over them. However you sound a bit nuts over it. Stop policing him. If him being a perve is a dealbreaker then leave him, otherwise it’s not really any of your business to be checking up on.

I have checked his phone twice in a year. I don’t think that makes me nuts. Like
i said it’s the fact he has to take it to a level of following these types of pages that makes it a little too much for me because it’s public it’s not discreet and why not just view enjoy and move on . Really not sure if to say anything .

You don't trust him and your actions show how insecure you are. Relationships don't work if there is no trust. You need to get yourself some therapy and couples therapy to help you unpick your feelings. However if you were "able to see his Facebook history" (secretly go through his phone) you would see a follow of the page in recent history as you saw the unfollow, perhaps he was doing as master ordered and unfollow pages that he knew would piss you off, he could have been following them for ages and then forgotten about it.

You're stalking/policing him on a minor infraction. It's literally no different than having a male pinup calendar.

If you don't trust him, leave... but the "I'll check again next week to see if there's anything new" thing is nuts.

Also, IF he's doing anything wrong, pulling him up on this very minor thing will make him cover his tracks better. Play it tactically.

Yeah I couldn’t see any recent follow history of these pages . But there was recent visited history of sexy pages . He also had one of these pages on his blocked contact list a person that wasn’t there before . To add context he is meant to be Muslim.

Weird responses from previous posters OP! It hardly makes you crazy to see that your DP is following women on a public social media. I think it crosses a line when they do this because it humiliates you. Porn is more discreet but openly liking other women’s pictures in front of friends and family is just embarrassing. I’d bring it up again as he clearly didn’t get the message first time around that it makes both him and you look like a loser.

Massive turn off. Gross and suspicious. Muslim or not.

I have no idea what my husband does on social media if anything, I don't check his phone or history or anything about him, once I did this it would be because I wouldn't trust him so what is the point?

I had an ex I policed a bit like this
it’s totally because I didn’t trust him

actually he wasn’t doing much
but I didn’t trust him and this extended into social media and drove me nuts

is this his only infraction ? Or are there other niggles , do you feel like he has your back in general ?

No other issues . Active normal sex life. Very affectionate and complimentary. No suspicions of cheating though why he had to block one of these pages from being able to message him / or interact is alarming .

My husband doesn’t do this, or does not do it overtly. Honestly he can’t find his personal phone half the time and he certainly doesn’t do it on his work phone.

would I police him or turn a blind eye, I’d probably take the piss to be honest. I can’t imagine I’d police it, or check his phone in a week as you’re suggesting.

i follow a couple of male strippers on insta, from magic men, maybe it makes me a perv, I’d be horrified if he told me I wasn’t allowed and would tell him to jog on.

It's pervy but it's his choice what he wants to look at on his phone. Who put you in charge of what he watches? You don't like it, you've told him, but it's up to him.
Unless it impacts on your relationship in negative ways what does it really matter? I don't watch any porn related, not interested but If dh told me I couldn't watch something because he didn't like it/ approve, I'd listen to his reasoning but wouldn't necessarily stop on his say so.

I think it's sad, sleazy and immature; I really wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that. I don't think you policing things is really going to help though op - this is who he is.

This sounds more hassle than it's worth. You'll never trust him.

The porn would be a big no anyway, never mind the rest of it. Ugh.

Creepy sad loser.

Just about acceptable if a teenager but a grown man 🤢.

Don’t have children with him.

I unfollowed a porn page this week. I have never followed any porn pages ever.

Back in the day there was a billion joke/meme/celebrity/film/game pages and everyone followed tons of them. Quite a few of the long dead ones are being reactivated with all their old followers still on them and converted into porn pages and MLM pages and other advertising scams. Some places are buying old pages with built in followers to do this as it's easier than growing a page from scratch.

It’s most likely his wank material.
From what you’ve said, there’s likely not much more to it than that.

Do yourself a big favour and stop policing him.
If he is ok in other ways, what he looks at or thinks about for wanking is his business alone. Not yours!
His faith has nothing to do with it. It could, but that isn’t your business. It’s between him and God surely.

Watching porn is disrespecting you in private; following porn pages on facebook is disrespecting you in public and unashamedly displaying his sleaziness which is why it's embarrassing. Additionally it shows he has no social awareness about the consequences of friends, family, colleagues etc. seeing it. Obviously a turn-off and you don't have to put up with it.

No liking of photos no comments no interactions no messages to any women but the three pages he had unfollowed were the same kind of thing and to unfollow means you had to be following at some point …

Just wanted to say that this, bizarrely, doesn't always seem to be true.

I've had adverts or "suggested" things on facebook, clicked to try and remove them and it seems to record it as me stopping following them, even though I never followed them in the first place.

If he has followed half-naked women in the past, facebook will keep suggesting more of that kind of thing to him. He might be actively clicking to remove those from his feed. Particularly if he knows you're looking.

Let’s Be honest here in that a lot of men watch porn

i know people have very strong opinions about it , but like climate change and gender inequality and poverty - it’s a thing

I can see that there is a difference between watching a ‘sexy stepmom’ video and relating with someone who is a real persona online

as OP said there is a potential to communicate in RL
and get probably invited to their only fans page 🙈

Op I think you need to talk to him and communicate how shit it makes you feel

also you do get unsolicited content based on your likes , and you do need to ‘unfollow’ or in some cases block if you don’t want to see it
that’s what Facebook is like now

This is natural and healthy for men so don't stress.

It's indicative of his character OP, you're right to find it "icky" IMO. I went through something similar (husband was using social media to wank off to pictures of women he knows and random women like the ones your husband follows). On its own it's hardly crime of the century but it was another trait in an overall pattern of misogyny/creepy attitudes towards women that tipped me over the edge in regards to what I was willing to put up with.

I didn't leave straight away, in fact it took another three years after confronting him before I left. Though he apologised when I told him how I felt about it and deleted his SM accounts, in the following three years his behavior didn't get better and in fact escalated in many ways.

What's he like otherwise? Is he a "good" father/husband besides this glitch or is this just another thread in a tapestry of perversion?!