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Original poster

Not married. Joint morgatge

39 replies

Rouss · 06/01/2024 15:58

Hi everyone
Today I had the conversation with my partner and I have ended our relationship after even tried counselling.
We have a joint mortgage although we aren't married we both are on the deeds.
I said to him that the best thing it's to sell the house but he said he spoke with his mum and as the deposit was a gift from his mum, he has more rights and he wants to buy my part, there isn't any document that the deposit was personally to him(I'm gonna speak with a solicitor on Monday)
I have 2 kids with him and they will live with me as he agreed with this, so realistically I don't think he has more rights than me.
Tbh I just want to solve this ASAP and if he wants to buy my part I'll sell it and I'll find another place but obviously I don't want to loose money or my rights. Any advise?

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 06/01/2024 16:11

Unless you have some form of signed contract the fact that the deposit was a 'gift' makes no difference with regard to his rights. You are joint owners on the deeds in the bank and that's what matters. One could argue that as joint buyers in law it's a gift to you both. Pretty sure a solicitor should confirm this!

Original poster
Rouss · 06/01/2024 18:14

I think we're joint tenants but I can't find that on the mortgage. Also as I said the deposit was a gift from his mum neither of us put a penny for the deposit and then we have been paying the mortgage half each(we have a joint account where we put money for mortgage and bills)

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 06/01/2024 18:19

How much was the gift for the deposit?

legally you own the house 50/50 so you’re due 50% of the equity ( less amounts for notional selling costs )

morally that is perhaps questionable if it was sizeable

PaterPower · 06/01/2024 18:19

Morally you’re on shaky ground if you knew the deposit was ‘his’ from his Mum.

Legally, (although IANAL) unless she has something in writing stating that, it’s more likely you’ll be due half the current equity (including half the deposit).

Dacadactyl · 06/01/2024 18:21

What's your relationship with his mum like?

Surely she'd understand given her grandkids are involved.

GrumpyPanda · 06/01/2024 18:26

PaterPower · 06/01/2024 18:19

Morally you’re on shaky ground if you knew the deposit was ‘his’ from his Mum.

Legally, (although IANAL) unless she has something in writing stating that, it’s more likely you’ll be due half the current equity (including half the deposit).

"Morally"?!? they're not married, have two kids, and I highly doubt STBX compensated her/proposes to compensate her for the opportunity cost to her earnings and pension due to having those kids. She'll also have the main financial burden after they split up. She has every moral right in the world to insist on a strict 50:50 split unless he's planning on making good all the other inequities.

FuckinghellthatsUnbelievable · 06/01/2024 18:27

I think you’d be entitled to half the equity. If the dc will be living with you I’d personally insist on it. It’s all very well having morals but children will need to be housed and it’s expensive to buy on your own

tokesqueen · 06/01/2024 18:28

As, for some selfish reason he's not going to do his half of the childcare and you will be the one most negatively financially impacted doing most of his share as well as your own, and as whatever maintenance he pays you likely won't begin to touch the sides of the true cost over the years, have no qualms in taking whatever you can get.
If he thinks that's not fair, ask him which half of every week he wants sole 24/7 care of his DC going forward. In the name of fairness of course.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/01/2024 18:29

If he didn't get a deed of trust signed to protect the deposit and you are jpint tenants its 50/50.

Chrck if it is tenants in common which usually then states the different percentagea you each own

AnotherEmma · 06/01/2024 18:38

Rouss · 06/01/2024 18:14

I think we're joint tenants but I can't find that on the mortgage. Also as I said the deposit was a gift from his mum neither of us put a penny for the deposit and then we have been paying the mortgage half each(we have a joint account where we put money for mortgage and bills)

It will be on the deeds or other paperwork you got from the solicitor when buying the house.

https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/check-your-ownership-details

Joint property ownership

Check if you're a joint tenant or tenants in common. Change from joint tenants to tenants in common, or tenants in common to joint tenants

https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/check-your-ownership-details

Original poster
Rouss · 06/01/2024 19:23

Thank you everyone for your advised, although I'll speak with a solicitor on Monday I know where to stand now. I have confirmed we are joint tenants so hopefully I'll get 50%. Like somebody said kids are gonna live with me, so I'll have to find a new place for us and also they will be with me Mon to Friday plus some of the weekends, so basically I'm on my own and from what I can see he is more worried about the house that his own kids, so I don't think he's gonna out much effort on see them

OP posts:
AlpacinoAlpaca · 06/01/2024 20:10

Where is the deed of gift?

mindutopia · 06/01/2024 20:32

Morally, if the deposit was a gift from his mum, you didn’t contribute that and you aren’t married, so it’s not a martial asset. You should both come out with what you put in, plus any equity you’ve created. I don’t think that money is yours, really. I think if you were a man trying to walk away with a gifted deposit that a woman’s family had given her, it would feel very different.

Now you may be able to make an argument that you will need a greater percentage of any funds from the house sale to start over as you’ll need to sort a permanent home for your joint children. I would start the conversation there and see what you can work out between you.

barkymcbark · 06/01/2024 20:43

Morally I'd have to sit and have a long hard think about the deposit. Legally you're entity to 50% of the deposit, but morally is it right to take 50%?

How large was the deposit?
Are you a sahp?
What's your earning potential?
Do you both have good pensions?

Lots of factors to take into consideration including ensuring the dc have a roof over their heads, but it doesn't have to be a mega expensive, 5 bed roof.

AnotherEmma · 06/01/2024 20:45

There must be some kind of paperwork confirming that the money was a gift from his mum; usually she would have to sign something to confirm it was a gift, not a loan - for the mortgage provider I think.
A good solicitor would usually advise some kind of paperwork protecting that contribution so I wonder if it was done.

However, I'd be interested to know whether you took maternity leave after having each child (presumably with a reduction in pay and pension contributions during that time) and whether you went part-time at all. Any reduction in your income or pension would have been for the children who are his as much as yours.

The simplest would probably just be a 50-50 split but if his mother's contribution was significant and he wants to recoup that first, you will probably need to negotiate. I think that how the two of you split finances - especially after having children - is relevant. If you can't agreed then I suggest family mediation in the first instance.

He will need to pay child maintenance (assuming the children will live with you, not him, which your posts imply) but other than that you won't get anything else from him. That's why you need to ensure the proceeds from the house sale are split fairly.

Original poster
Rouss · 06/01/2024 21:23

Just to clarify, I said to him that our best option was to sell the house, he spoke with his mum and came back to me saying he wanted to buy me out.
There is a paper written by his mum saying that the deposit is a gift to his son. Not planning to take what it's not mine but my kids need a place to live and from what I have been reading which I'm not gonna do as that would create more problems and like I said I've just want to solve this and live separate asap but I could ask to live in the house until my kids are 18

OP posts:
PaterPower · 07/01/2024 01:57

“but I could ask to live in the house until my kids are 18”

Could you? Not heard of that in situations where the couple weren’t married. Def check that one on Monday when you speak to your solicitor.

Channellingsophistication · 08/01/2024 17:55

There is no right to live in the house until your children are 18…

whilst his mother gave the deposit to him, surely bearing in mind the children are going to live with you, you should have a bigger proportion of the equity as you need a bigger home..? Is she really going to begrudge, money coming to you to home her grandchildren?

I would get legal advice ASAP

FuckinghellthatsUnbelievable · 08/01/2024 19:37

Well you can stay in the bf house as long as you like whilst it belongs to you. Personally I’d look at alternative property and work backwards. What can you borrow on your salary, having dependents. How much of a deposit would you need to make that happen. Not all mortgage companies take benefits into account, you may also need 3 months bank statements to prove maintenance for children.

private renting is grim at the moment and I wouldn’t want that level of uncertainty for the Dc.

anotherdisaster · 09/01/2024 16:33

This happened to me. But it was MY parents who paid the deposit as a gift (but technically a loan). I would have been so angry if my ex had taken his share of their deposit money to be honest. We were 50/50 joint owners of the house because I was stupid enough not to have a different split of equity but this was because we were going to be paying the money back (he never contributed to that but I did). So, when the house sold I made it clear to him that we had to pay my parents back out of the equity and thankfully he agreed. But, legally he could have kept half of that money if he had wanted to.

Original poster
Rouss · 21/01/2024 17:07

I have an update. I agreed not to receive half of the deposit as someone say isn't morally right although financially I'm gonna be loosing as kids are gonna live with me, but his mum only wants to give me 17k that it's the amount I put into the house for renovation but the equity no taking into account the deposit is more than that. I told my ex that and he said his mum need to think about. Not sure what she needs to think about when also the money is actually to find another place for her grandkids

OP posts:
Luckydog7 · 21/01/2024 17:17

His mum needs to stay out of this. I think you need to negotiate with him, say that you are legally entitled to 50% of the value and if they take liberties by offering you a piss take amount then you will just take what you are entitled to, the full 50%. It's in his interest to come to a compromise that puts you in a good position. You need to leverage that at least.

Tbh if it were me, I would be taking everything I could for my children if nothing else. Don't rule that out.

Original poster
Rouss · 21/01/2024 17:23

I didn't want to get his mum involved, the trouble is that he doesn't want to sell, he wants to buy me out although he doesn't have the money so she agreed to give him the money to buy me out, so the money is coming from her and she is trying to give me the least amount of money she can

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 21/01/2024 17:54

You have to go to a solicitor. Don't do deals with him and his mother. Your entitled to 50%, I had a hefty deposit of £35k that I put in to a property with my ex left to me by my late father. When we split she was entitled to half of that as we had no prior agreement in place. You will be primarily looking after the children so you need to maximise what you come out with. Let a court decide if they start bullying you or calling the shots!