19 years ago I met a guy, we both fell in love with each other, hard and fast, we had the most amazing time together, we had a spark, it was simple fire everytime we were together.
Unfortunately he had a rough childhood, he didn't know how to cope, he didn't know how to get help, so he was constantly in and out of jail.
He left me, walked out one day and never came back.
By that stage I was pregnant with our daughter, I didn't know I was at the time, when I found out, I couldn't tell him as I didn't know where he was.
I moved on, gave birth to our daughter and raised her single handed until she was 2, I met my husband.
My husband has been her dad for the last 16 years (she now 18) he done everything a dad could have done and more, she is a daddy's girl.
But me, I still thought about my ex, wondered what could have been.
He sent me a message on Facebook when she was 8, I told him about her, unfortunately we were now living in another country and he was going back to jail, so my ex and daughter couldn't meet.
We moved back to our home country, he messaged me when he got out, which happened to be the day I was getting married to my husband.
We had arranged for him to meet our daughter she was 10 at this point, but something went down on his end and he ended up back in jail.
Now we will move forward to the start of 2024, he messaged me again, our daughter is now 18 and received a message from him too, she came straight to me and told me she didn't know what to say, I told her that she can only do what she wants, she wanted to know her heritage so started talking.
Meanwhile while they were communicating, me and my ex started talking, we spoke about what happened when he left me, he opened up to me and told me about his childhood, we were talking and laughing about old times, my marriage was at a stalemate, we were just comfortable with each other.
I started falling for my ex again, he started falling for me, it was like the flame was never out just hanging there.
At this point my husband and I with all the kids had already moved back to the other country, so again we were countries apart.
I started thinking, did I want to go home and see where this went? Did I want to lose my husband of 17 years, I had an decision to make and it wasn't fair for my husband to think nothing was wrong, so I sat him down and told him everything.
He was amazing, he told me he loves me but he would never stop me from pursuing what I want, he was shattered, I felt so bad, but relieved that I had told him.
So I started making a decision to go home for a holiday and see where this went, I knew before I made any plans I would have to talk to my daughter.
She lost it at me, I knew she would, she very protective of my husband. She yelled and screamed at me, she called me by my first name, she was extremely cold and completely hateful of me, she told she could never look at me the same again.
That broke my heart, it's one thing to end a relationship with another partner but to have your relationship end with your own child is the worse thing I've ever been through, she gave me an ultimatum, my ex or her.
That sealed it for me, I messaged my ex and told him, with tears falling and my heart breaking like it did all those years ago.
I had to end what we had, I didn't want to ruin my daughter and my ex learning to know each other.
My ex like my husband, completely amazing took it well, he understood.
Meanwhile everyone around me is happy... I sit here and write this with my heart broken, I loved this guy, always have, I always thought about him and felt he was the one that got away, the last few days we really connected, we were open we were honest.
My ex told me it be ok, I will be fine, he is right but will I be like this for the rest of my life? Has anyone ever been in my shoes, how did you cope?
Sorry for the long story.