How to advise a friend who is behaving badly.

[Loyaltothedeath]

Any good advice is welcome on this one !
A friend of mine has confided to me he is cheating on his wife and has been doing so for the last 2 years. His problem now is, he needs someone to supply cover stories for him when he is seeing the other woman (she is also married).
I was cheated on by my wife and so,feel strongly that what he is doing is cruel and wrong, but he shrugs this off by saying he has never loved his wife and only stays because he doesn’t want to share half his money and assets.
I’ve tried to persuade him to end the affair or end his marriage, but he becomes quite aggressive and insulting to me, calling me a wimp and saying any real man is always screwing other women. What the hell do I do? This whole business is eating away at me day and night, it’s triggered memories of what happened to me and it’s weighing heavy on my conscience. I certainly don’t want to be the alibi for his wrongdoings, if questioned by his wife ( who I have a friendly relationship with).

Find a better friend.

Is this post for real?
I admire your integrity.
Man up …
Stand your ground, refuse to be his alibi. If he continues to be abusive about that, drop him.
Stay out of it!

He's no friend.

Dump him. He's an arsehole.

What the hell do you do?

Stop being mates with such an utter cunt.

He's a nasty cheat who doesn't just treat his partner terribly, he bullies and belittles you.

The fact you're torn about what to do, and you haven't blocked him from your life for bullying and belittling you, or for his stance on how men 'should' treat women makes me think you might benefit from some therapy when it comes to relationships and boundaries.

I hope you have other friends to fall back on as he is a piece of shit. If you are friends with both of them, I would back away and offer support to his wife. He is an arsehole, who I think you know is not someone you want to hang around with!

Tell his poor wife. What a shit. He’s no friend to you.

Hi Duh.
His wife is in the early stages of a terminal illness, if I tell her, there is a good chance the marriage will end and she will be left to care for herself. At present, he is at least taking care of her (obviously to not lose half his wealth) and he also stands to inherit half his mother in law’s estate. She is very elderly and reaching the end of her days. He has promised to take care of them both, which I think at least shows he is prepared to do his duty.
The other woman he is seeing is in a marriage that doesn’t have any money and she is eager to leave it (her husband is unaware of this , obviously).
This is not straightforward or easy for me, I know all parties involved, including the woman’s husband. After years of betrayal by my wife , must admit I am at the very least tempted to tell her husband, but this could result in consequences not necessarily positive.

Why would you want to stay friends with someone like this?

1. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that.
2. He called you a 'wimp'? Show him you're not a wimp by standing up to him and saying no. You won't be an alibi, and decent men don't do what he's doing.
3. If he drops you as a friend because of that, see point 1.

I’m sorry but this has to be a fake thread. He’s due to inherit his mother in laws estate after his wife’s death? No just no!

This is horrific. You have to tell her. Regardless of her choice then. He must be rubbing his hands together with glee, he and his OW will be set for life. The nasty NASTY man!

My heart absolutely breaks for this woman, you can’t sit back and watch this happen.

So you are describing a man who is only hanging around his wife to grab the money when she dies and is asking you to create cover stories whist he shags around waiting for her to die? We judge people partly by those they choose as friends.

If the hypothetical wife's family have money worth waiting for then presumably they can provide the support and care she needs and also block Mr Twirling Moustaches from any family money.

You're complicit with him in taking away autonomy from a woman with a terminal illness. Tell her.

You don't have to tell anyone OP. You do need to back away from the friendship.

I don't believe this thread is real, and you have slipped up already by saying you are going to tell her husband.

You have to tell her. He is disgusting for doing this.

shy are you friends with this man. He is a cheat, a liar, selfish, mean and cruel. Amongst other things.

I would tell him I don’t want to be part of his deception in any form nor do I want to associate with someone whose values are so far removed from my own and then have nothing to do with any of them.

Whether or not you tell the other parties what you know is another question and I’m not sure what I would do. It may be that his wife knows given it’s been two years and has chosen to stay.

Anyone else think there's a lot about this thread that isn't stacking up?

You can’t be that good friends if this side of his personality has only just emerged.

I’m not sure I believe a word, however, it’s not your job to persuade him not to have an affair, or tell him to tell his wife. Your job is to work out your own personal role in this, and act accordingly.

@Loyaltothedeath what a nasty individual your "friend" is!!!! he is evil to be doing this to his wife. are there no children in the marriage?

"He's promised to take care of them both"

He is doing neither. He is being a lying, manipulative, selfish, cheating areshole.

If this is for real, tell him in no uncertain terms you are having no part in it. That you despise what he is doing and you don't know how he or the other woman can live with themselves. Why the fuck he can't put OW on hold at the very least (and she ends her marriage) while he cares for his wife.

I'd honestly be tempted to threaten to tell the MIL if he doesn't, so at least she can cut him out of the will!

Thanks Castellanos,
The other woman won’t voluntarily end her marriage because she would not have sufficient money to support herself. She is dependent on her husband to support her, there is nothing to share out, they live in a privately rented house. As to threatening to tell the Mother in Law, she is ninety years old and has senile dementia, I believe he has POA over her and so, is making financial and care decisions on her behalf. This is my dilemma, he is being responsible and showing care in these areas, just not for the right reasons.
I’m perfectly prepared to walk away from this friendship, but I’m still left with a situation where 3 people are being deceived and emotionally abused.

That's not your doing, it's all on him.

Fwiw I walked away with nothing from a relationship in a similar position as this OW. I'd put myself in the position of weakness in the relationship in the first place a took responsibility. I needed to get out to put my life back on track independently because it was the right thing to do. People around me, friends and at work, supported me because I was making the right choices. There is no excuse for what this prick and OW are doing this to that poor woman.

It sounds like the OW would be walking straight out of the frying pan into the fire in anycase. She needs to sort her own life put and get back on her feet independently. Not get caught up with this self serving prick.

He's also abusing his position as power of attorney on an ethical level - not sure what the legal position is but I'd hope there might be some legal bods on mn could advise?

Wow sounds almost like a movie plot