11 year age gap. Am I overthinking it?

[Butterlie]

Would you consider an 11 year age gap too much? Currently 40 and have been single for 2 years. Have started seeing socially (so just for drinks etc) someone I met through a hobby. He’s 51 and although I wasn’t thinking about him in that way at all when I first met him, over the last few months we’ve really connected and I really get the impression he is interested in me and would like to take things further. The age thing bothers me and I don’t know why though, we have a laugh together, we have shared interests and just click.

If the age bothers you now - don’t go there as it wont’t get better.
11 years is not too bad age gap wise - if he is taking good care of himself.

Or - hang out with him and see? Not like you have to commit to anything if you spend a but of time together.

11 years isn't bad.

13yr age gap here and 30+ years in to our marriage

It's got just as much chance of working as any other relationship

Age gaps to me are more about life stages. So an 18yo with a 29yo would have very little in common in life stages but a 40yo and a 51yo would be in a similar life stage if you see what I mean.

Why does it bother you?
I don't think 11 years is a big age gap when you are both over 30.

At 40 I would have probably been fine with it.
I'm now 47 and most 58 year olds on OLD give me the ick.
What I'm trying to say is men don't age well unless they're physically fit and take good care of themselves.

Give it go! More about the person than their age - do you fancy him?

My DH is 12 years older and I very rarely notice the age gap.

There's a 10 year gap between me and OH , he's older, I'm in my 40s. For me, the gap is increasing as we get older. He's got his eye on retirement and is talking about how old he feels while I'm full on in career mode and not ready to slow down.

My BIL is 10 years older than my sister and he’s in the throes of dementia so she had to retire to care for him. She was ready to have some fun in retirement.

However, you can certainly spend some time with this man and enjoy his company.

14 year gap here and I’m trapped with a sick old man. 🤷‍♀️

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If you click with someone, you click. Just see how things go.

11 year age gap - 40 years (and counting!). I’m the one with major health issues and DH has been my rock. Best decision 22 year old me ever made!

I'm 48 and my fiance is 60. Getting married in May.

I’m 55 and the thought of dating a 66 year old fill me with horror - but I’m still a bit of an old raver so anyone more than a few years older wouldn’t be for me.

But if your man is a well kept young in his ways 51 then why not?

I wouldn’t more than that in a long term relationship (or you will be at v different life stages later on) but 11 years is just ok - as long as he makes an effort to stay fit

I think it is almost a sweet spot where the age gap is not too bad. But fast forward and I think I would find it too much, I am 53 now and I cannot imagine being with a 64 year old.

I think it depends on the people. There's a 10 year gap between me and my husband but he looks and acts younger and (sadly!) I seem older. People are always really shocked there is such a big gap between us. We are similar ages to you both and I think it works because our childhoods and life experiences were still relatively similar with growing up in the 70s/80s and 80s/90s eg pre internet/social media etc. I think the difference is less noticeable than it would be had we been born 10/15 years later. It feels like we are definitely part of the same generation (even though technically I'm a millennial and he's gen x). The gap has genuinely never really been an issue for us.

I would stay to try and look past the age difference and see how you feel about him as a person and base your decision on that. If you really can't past the age then maybe it's your subconscious just telling you you're not really interested in him like that?

I have an 11 year gap between mine, and it works just fine.

DS is able to get himself up and out in the mornings - he's 15 now. And is really useful helping out with DD (she listens to him more than me!)

My husband is 13yrs older than me.
I have 3 serious health conditions, he has none.
Age is irrelevant in the dice rolls of health and illness

I'm 44 and my husband is 55. It didn't seem so bad at first but now he is old mentally and I'm not. We also have no sex life - his choice. I would rather be with someone closer to my age.

We have an 11 year gap. I am 53 and way off retirement. My husband has just over 2 years to go. Things will change but we have been together for over 20 years and the relationship is good, but I would advise my younger self to hold out for someone my own age. He would too in that his best friend and his wife will retire together and that will look very different to ours.

I have a friend who is 10 years older than his wife (he's mid 50s). He's very active so I always forget he's 10 years older than her. And I have another friend who is 12 younger than her DH, she's an "old soul" and so is he so I never notice their age difference.

I think 10 years is nothing for the most part, I think personalities, health, and stages of life would have more influence on how well it would work.

My longest relationship had an 8 year age gap and my parents are 12 years apart in age. I don't think it makes a difference once you are both past your twenties. Best of luck with it!

if it bothers then it bothers you - you don't need to "overcome" this is you don't feel like it

I have a bigger age gap in my relationship and it never bothered me, but I don't think it's a good sign if you need third party to try and convince you that the age gap (or anything else that you have doubts about) is fine. If it's not fine to you then it's not fine at all

That's a shame ☹ my partner is 60 and is very young minded and has more sex drive than me- I guess I'm lucky