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Original poster

Boyf wanting abortion

34 replies

Lioness331 · 04/01/2024 16:50

just needed a bit of advice for my sister as she is 18 years old nearly 19 and has recently done a pregnancy test which shows positive . She is wanting too keep the baby as she is against abortion but is sort of feeling down now and is not sure in what too do as her boyfriend is basically telling her to get an abortion as he’s not ready and shes stuck on what to do

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 04/01/2024 16:53

From his reaction your sister needs to consider whether she wants to bring this child up alone / on the absolute bare minimum CMS and be tied to this prick forever. It takes two to tango. Her mistake was not to establish whether he would step up and support her in the event of a contraception failure if she felt so strongly about abortion.

AnOrdinaryWoman · 04/01/2024 16:54

Her body, her choice, ultimately. She needs to consider what it will be like raising a child alone, as it may be the end of their relationship.

Cinai · 04/01/2024 16:54

It’s her decision, not his, but she might need to be prepared to do it without him. As she’s still quite young, I would recommend speaking to someone in real life, like a counsellor who can advise on her options and support her if she decides to go ahead with the pregnancy.

Supersimkin2 · 04/01/2024 16:55

Depends what sister wants to do with her life. Lone teen mum support ain’t what it used to be.

CurlewKate · 04/01/2024 16:56

Tell her to contact Marie Stopes-there will be someone there who can talk to her.

Why is she "against abortion"? Does she have religious views about it?

CurlewKate · 04/01/2024 16:58

But unless she is prepared and in a position to raise this baby alone then she should definitely be considering an abortion.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 04/01/2024 16:58

It’s her decision. Her boyfriend can’t make her have an abortion if she doesn’t want one. I don’t see how the relationship can work if they disagree on this though. Encourage her to forget about him apart from getting child support and focus on the baby and the people who will be around to support her.

SiobhanSharpe · 04/01/2024 17:00

Do you think your DSis actually wants this baby and that's why she's against abortion in this instance?
Does she want to stay with this boyfriend and will it make a difference if she realises she will probably have to raise the child on her own?
Or is she against abortion generally?

StinkyWizzleteets · 04/01/2024 17:01

When he’s carrying a baby in his body he can get the abortion, until then it’s is your sisters decision.

Choosing to continue will likely see her a single parent and she needs to be prepared for that.

Desecratedcoconut · 04/01/2024 17:03

He's not pregnant, he can't have an abortion. But, regardless of his feelings, personally, I'd be unwilling to forever tether myself and my child to a reluctant man-child.

VaseItHard · 04/01/2024 17:05

If she is not wanting an abortion has she considered that she will potentially raising this child alone for the next 18 years? She has to consider all options.

Does she have a job?
Does she live in her own place?
Has she looked at the cost of childcare (ballpark £1k per month for a nursery place?)
Don't rely on child maintenance from the Dad, she has to be able to fund this child by herself.
How much support can she realistically rely on from family?

If he is also 18/19 then I can see why he isn't ready to be a Dad.

So keep the child and raise him/her alone, give the baby up for adoption or terminate the pregnancy. Depending on how many weeks she is this might just be taking tablets rather than a surgical procedure.

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 04/01/2024 17:10

I'm really sorry to hear about the stress for your sister and ultimately this will show the boyfriends true nature. He might just be in a panic but yes, she will have to think about being a lone parent.

Get counselling for her and most importantly help her make the decision based on what she want, not him because chances are it won't last either way

VaseItHard · 04/01/2024 17:12

I am trying to say, fine to not want an abortion, her body, her choice but your sister has to consider the reality of not just a baby, but that baby becomes a toddler, a preschooler, school aged etc. Easy to get swept away in choosing teeny baby clothes and a pretty nursery (been there done that). Very hard with two parents, never mind just one. Have a look at the rest of MN for the sleep board, feeding, being a parent etc. My youngest is almost 18 so I am almost out the other side.

Tinkerbyebye · 04/01/2024 17:13

It’s her body and her choice as long as she realises she maybe doing it on her own. What support will she have? Does she work now? Will your parents and you support her bringing the child up?

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 04/01/2024 17:23

Ultimately it’s her decision not his.

He had the choice to wear a condom.

eatpiedrinktea · 04/01/2024 18:47

Iv`e name changed for this.
Having a baby wont make him stay having a baby wont fix things.
I know to well i was 18 when i had my son because i thought at the time i was in love and he wouldent leave if i keep the baby and he would adjust to it all when the baby is here.
Guess what he left me high and dry before my son was born.
I thought of abortion but stopped myself because he would come back when the baby was born.
My son is 19 today and his dad never came back saw him once when my son was 7 and i realised my mistake it was all a fantasy of my young mind . I did all parenting as a single mum i battled teen years as a single mum i had no help no friends no baby sitters no money nothing ever given from his dad.
I was benefits for a few years only help i had was from a SW.
My son came first not me i had responsibility i couldent be out having fun with mates i was a mother i had to grow-up fast.
Its not easy not at all and i think back now of what ifs how different my life would have been.
Thats right i would have had more fun became a nurse much earlier.

And to be brutally honest i didnt want kids i soon realised that when my son was born i never went on to have more children. But i loved him done my mum job gave him the best we are close he is now planning on moving out as a good job very proud of him.
And me ive finally got my life back i come first now.

What you think now you wont be thinking in your 20s what you think in your 20s you wont think in your 30s.
I would really think about it because one decision can change your whole life.Its bloody hard work i look back and think how stupid and immature i was thinking a baby was gonna solve it all how in love i THOUGHT i was.Please Please think this through.Or you could end up way in your 30s just starting to put your self first for the first time and just getting your life back because of a choice you made at 18.

DeepDarkBlue · 04/01/2024 18:54

There is nothing wrong with raising a kid on your own but the thought of doing it at 18 sounds awful. There is a reason that outcomes for teen mothers and their children are very poor. The rate of depression in teen mothers is much higher than for older mothers for example and there are increased risks of having children with autism.

It hard having kids even when there aren't other challenges such as money or housing issues.
Has your sister got other people she can discuss this with?
What are you advising her to do?

MrsMoastyToasty · 04/01/2024 19:01

If he doesn't want to make someone pregnant he needs to take responsibility for that by using contraception.
Now he's in a position where he will be a father, even if he's not a daddy to the child.

RowanMayfair · 04/01/2024 19:04

Her choice, but I certainly wouldn't encourage any 18 year old to have a baby as a single mum because they are 'against abortion'. Being against abortion doesn't mean they should fuck up their lives.

Watchkeys · 04/01/2024 19:04

Tell her to dismiss him and his views. If he's trying to tell her what to do on such an important issue, he's not a healthy partner for her, so his view is irrelevant: he's not pregnant.

TeenDivided · 04/01/2024 19:09

I'm not recommending this as such, but there is a third option for someone who is against abortion and that is to go through with the pregnancy and then relinquish the baby for adoption.

Dacadactyl · 04/01/2024 19:11

RowanMayfair · 04/01/2024 19:04

Her choice, but I certainly wouldn't encourage any 18 year old to have a baby as a single mum because they are 'against abortion'. Being against abortion doesn't mean they should fuck up their lives.

Having a baby at 18 does not necessafily mean you will fuck up your life either!

pickledandpuzzled · 04/01/2024 19:14

The decision is out of his hands. He no longer gets a say.

She has to decide what to do, given that his involvement is unlikely.

RowanMayfair · 04/01/2024 19:17

Dacadactyl · 04/01/2024 19:11

Having a baby at 18 does not necessafily mean you will fuck up your life either!

Show quote history

It's far more likely to mean that than not

ditalini · 04/01/2024 19:19

There's nothing to "do". If she's not having an abortion then she's having a baby. Folic acid, no smoking/alcohol if possible. Register with the midwife.

She can't make him want the baby.

She can make him contribute financially once it's here, but at his age that's not likely to be much.

If he wants contact she'll almost certainly be expected to facilitate that as it's prefered for a child to have contact with both parents. This is independent of how she feels about him or whether she or he enter into new relationships.